cant move on

LegacyUser

I was in a relationship with a guy for almost a year then things went cold over the summer much to my disappointment. We decided to go our separate ways but he got in touch with me a couple of weeks afterwards and said he missed me and wanted to meet up for a drink and a chat to which I agreed. He never got in touch again, I called him about it and he said he still really wanted to meet. When I asked when he never gave an answer and said he would get back to me, which he didn't do. I have had some time to reflect over his behaviour since and decided it is best we dont meet up and forget the whole thing.
I am having difficulty moving on from this point. Should I just delete his number and tell him I am doing so? I cant sit here waiting for him to get in touch with me again, it could be weeks but I do want the opportunity to tell him how badly he has treated me. I dont want to say this randomly out of the blue to him but i also dont know if i could be able to face to face, cowardly i know but i cant trust myself at the moment to do the right thing by me. We have some mutual friends too but i cant even bring myself to go out with them until I know i am over him properly.

Elmidena

Delete him. He doesn't really mean the texts, otherwise he'd be more receptive/chatty at other times. He's doing it for an ego kick to know someone pines for him and you're worth a lot more than that sweetie. Go out and have fun, if you score well great but it's not important. You need positive headspace and so what if you've mutual friends, you need a bit of an escape and to be blunt, his opinion doesn't matter. If he's suddenly interested again it's most likely because he's afraid he'll lose his ego boost who's only a text away. Go have fun and stop expending your thoughts and energy on him--he's not worth it xxx

stargazer 68

forgethim wrote: »

I We decided to go our separate ways but he got in touch with me a couple of weeks afterwards and said he missed me and wanted to meet up for a drink and a chat to which I agreed. He never got in touch again, I called him about it and he said he still really wanted to meet. When I asked when he never gave an answer and said he would get back to me, which he didn't do. .

Come on OP - he wanted to meet you, you said yes and then he never got back in touch to arrange it!! Delete his number and no don't tell him you are doing it. Just do it and forget about him. Yes its hard to do (believe me I've been there) but you will.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

You should delete his number and cut all contact without telling him. Don't reply to his texts and calls. If you do, it would be more difficult for you to forget him and move on. He hasn't treated you right, you just need to remember that and try to forget about him. If he loves you and wants to be with you, he would like to talk to you and work on your relationship before its too late but this guy is not afraid of losing you,he just want some ego boost, don't give it to him.

LegacyUser

Just wanted to say I'm in the same situation, could have written something very similar myself - was seeing a guy, it ended, he initiated contact a couple of months later saying he was still interested and I agreed to meet, and then, bam, nothing.

In my case anyway, I think it's an attempt on his part to get a bit of an ego boost. He's probably thinking "yeah I could have her, she still wants me". And to be honest, I did still want him, but not so much anymore. I think it's a bit pathetic really. If I were you, delete his number if you want, but I wouldn't bother telling him you're deleting it. It's hard to move on when your feelings change from thinking something good is going to happen to realising that it's not. Just do your best to stop thinking about him and remember that if this is the way he acts, he probably would have been useless to go out with anyway. That's the advice I'm trying to follow myself anyway

ilovesleep

You were finished. Breakups are always hard and especially when it comes out of the blue and you are the dumpee, I'm guessing.

I think what he did was very cruel. He made contact with you to set you up with an expectation to talk to him and to see him, and when the push came to the shove he didn't follow through, leaving you there, feeling ignored perhaps and keeping you in the loop without even the courtesy of a message to tell you what the situation was. You rang back and he didn't even have the balls to be straight with you.

If he wanted to see you and talk to you he would have.

As another poster said, he did it for an ego boost so that you would be pining for him, knowing damn well something like this would play on your mind. He also did it so that you wouldn't forget him in a hurry. He also did it to perhaps make you feel bad playing with your emotions - expectations/disappointment/perhaps even confusion (like he wanted to see me, then nothing) and to leave things smack open.

Don't even bother telling him that you will be deleting his number because he's waiting for you to develop such a reaction. So that he could perhaps fcuk it back into your face. He's probably already feeling a little hard done by, by the fact that you haven't exploded over it.

I had an incident last year, where I was only involved with a man briefly but he fcuked me over afterwards and I was getting absolutely nothing from him, and I really mean nothing and when it came to getting some sort of an answer he left it smack open. Like yourself I made contact to tell him that considering he couldn't rectify the issue that he made and bla bla bla, that I will be deleting him. He did not care. Nothing.
Your pr1ck will be the same. He's only dying for you to make contact.

Lorna123

The guy is acting like he is not interested in meeting up with you again OP so that is your cue to forget about him. There is absolutely zilch point in telling him that you thought his behaviour was unfair, that will get you nowwhere. Don't bother telling him either that you are deleting his number. The less explanations you give him the better. Just do what you have to do and explain nothing. He doesn't need to tell you in words that he is not interested anymore, you have that by his actions. It is very hard to take but that's life. Just walk away with your dignity intact and you will meet somone who is better for you soon. All he did wrong was to say he wanted to meet you and then changed his mind. On second thoughts he decided it was best not to meet you and he didn't have the courage to tell you, but instead said he would get back to you. That in itself is his way of telling you that he is not interested and you have to now realize that. Would it genuinely have hurt you any less if he had rung you up and told you that on second thoughts he didn't want to meet you. He probably thought that he didn't need to do this and that you would know yourself by his actions where the land lay. So do yourself a favour and forget about him and don't look for any more explanations or give him any. You will get over this in time OP, he just wasn't right for you. When someone is right for you you don't feel any pain.

IrishEyes19

OP, I can completely understand how hurt you feel, but and dont think Im being harsh, I think the reason you want to tell him you are deleting him is to get a reaction from him and you're hoping he will ask to see you again and apologise. He wont! Been there done that, unfortunately and I know it hurts. Do right by you and delete him and move on. You dont have to acknowledge him when your out if you dont want to, you dont have to have anything to do with him. Forget this guy and be good to yourself. Someone who cares for you will never treat you like that!!

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies, i suppose you are right i should just not tell him what i am doing. You are right in saying i am hoping for a reaction. I am, i want him to know the grief his behaviour has caused. It wasnt a once off, it has been prolonged over a period of time. I gave several chances and each time nothing happened. i know i should have realized this much sooner but i didnt have the strength in me to accept it and other circumstances got in the way. what he has done is incredibly cruel, i cant believe someone like him would get his kicks from it for an ego boost. he seemed like a decent person but this behaviour has thrown me to know people like this actually exist and dont care who they hurt and how they go about doing it. i think letting him know what a **** he would make me feel better and help give me closure. at this stage he has no sort of apology that would make me think much different about him but at least he would know how disgusting his actions are.
i wont though, i wont contact him again or approach him but i will take the opportunity to tell him if i see him. if deleting his number is the best course of action then i will, it would only really serve as an action of empowerment as i still have other means of contact and he still has mine.

Lorna123

There is no point in you telling him how much he has hurt you OP, he already knows you are hurt. He doesn't want to have to spell it out to you in words that he has outgrown the relationship. He thinks his actions are for the best OP so don't think that he is being cruel just for an ego boost, that is not the case here. He probably feels bad about all of this and prefers to just stay away from you. He doesn't have to apologise because his feelings have changed, that's life. He knows you are hurting but that is not what he wants. I would not tell him what I think about him if I were you OP, that will serve no purpose except to make him think less of you. He will have more regard for you if you act dignified and just say nothing. That is the best course of action. I hope you feel better soon.

Roisy7

OP "the best revenge is living well". Move on with your life, he won't care that he's hurt you and his ego might be gratified.

Don't tell him if you see him. Simply give him a big smile, say hello, and keep walking.