G/f wants a break/break up

somemightsay

Long time lurker first time poster!

Just looking for some advice. Been with my girl friend for a little over 4 years. The first 2 we spent alot of time together regularly 5 nights a week. We were very happy together.

She is not Irish but always had the intention to settle in Ireland. So when an opportunity came up in the UK to study a course to allow her to stay in Ireland long term. We decide it was best to get the course done ASAP. Originally it was 1 year but got dragged out to 2 in the end. During this time we were in daily contact meeting up every 6-7 weeks.

She has been back since mid August and has been under stress for various reasons but not due to our relationship. I have given her space since then to get these issues sorted as I would only add to her stress in this situation.
We are meeting on Friday to talk through things as she says she is not happy.

I was intending on emailing here the following but I think it might be abit much.

From googling best advice seems to be accept her decision and move on and not to remain friends as it will prolong the heartache. Still want her in my life no matter what happens...

Would appreciate your advice. Sorry for the length of the post



Just decided to put some of my thoughts down on paper so to speak.

I know when we meet On Friday I wont say half the things I want to say and want to give us the best chance I can to stay together.

Still remember the first night we met like it was yesterday. Me sitting there all mysterious in my tee tee shirt and you and C coming up the stairs giggling away. Hard to believe it was over 4 years ago. Had to make a quick exit that night but lucky Cuipd or R had other ideas. remember sitting in the apartment after work on the friday trying to pluck up the courage to call you. Took awhile but got there in the end! We met up that night after my work BBQ down in WP and cuddled on the couch. You were wearing your black velour hoodie with the pumpkin zip, jeans and a black material belt with metal holes around it. E and E were fighting upstairs and you jumped every time they made a noise. As i held you tightly all i wanted was to make you feel safe, protected and loved. In the morning we parted ways and as I walked back home through S G with the morning sun warming my back I knew I had met someone special. The first in a long time.

We met again that evening in D and cuddled in the corner. You had your umbrella with you and the all important toothbrush! Even then I knew we would be perfect for each other.

What continued on for the next 2 years was the happiest two years of my life. Things were not ideal at home with mam and dad moving to oz. By us being so close and in love i felt our future was solid seen us as the beginning of my new family.

The 2 years we were apart the toughest I have experienced. We soldiered on talking day with out fail. Me doing my best give you the emotional support you needed to get through the course. This time was tough on both of us and maybe at times the relationship did come undone for a period but towards the end the thoughts of being reunited brought is closer together again. I worked hard in work over during over this period to save for the a house deposit and even got promoted :-) so that we could have a solid start together once you returned.

If someone had ask me 6 months ago where would we be today I dont think i would have ever imagined myself writing this email. My ideal situation would have been for us living together in our own home. You would be upstairs in your office getting your prep work done for tomorrows classes. I would be down stairs picking out a little puppy for your birthday surprise next week. I would have had a nice healthy dinner waiting for you when you got home. We would only have time to to eat our dinnner before you would be back to your school work upstairs. I would take care of the washing up happy in the knowledge that you had a atleast one proper meal that day. I would pop up every now again to give a hug and top up your tea. The best part of the day would be wrapping my arms around you and falling alseep together knowing how lucky I was to have such a special loving person in my life. Can never sleep soundly without you by myside.

Really wished I had tried harder to meet up with you more often over the last 2 months. You had alot going on with your family being over, the teaching council and finding a job. I could have been more insistent on meeting up but knew you would just tell me to feck off! I thought once you had got a few weeks a school behind you we would have get back in the routine of seeing each other again and hopefully move in together once you got settled back in the your Dublin life and more importantly used to having me back in your life. Things weren't perfect but i felt we were on track.

It breaks my heart knowing the future we could could have together. Dont think I will ever be so lucky to be so madly in love with someone and to have them love me as much back. Every relationship goes through ups and downs. I guess in the bad times you need to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I just hope you judge our relationship on a whole rather than the last few stressful months.

Will stop here cause you probably stopped reading at this stage!

daisybelle2008

OP, I am not sure fully of your circumstances. You seem to feel she wants to break up and is putting distance between you.
While your email may appear romantic, it kind of smacks of desperation and clutching at straws. Like you are trying to emotionally mug her with nostalgia, to make her change her mind.
All the stuff about seeing her as your 'new family' and topping up her tea, kind of has me cringing. It looks like you were a bit overly dependent on each other and maybe that feels too much for her now, if that is the case your email could feel like being smothered a bit more.
Maybe I have it wrong but I would recommend you get a bit more assertive and find more activities, friends and other interests in your life. You seem to have invested a lot in this relationship and maybe the break could be positive for you, although I know it does not feel like that now.
Things will work out for the best.

P. Breathnach

OP, your post makes for sad reading. It looks to me as if your relationship is over, and reading through what you want to say to her tells me how much it's going to hurt you.

You know what you should do. You said it: accept her decision and move on. Not easy, I know, but it's all you can do.

somemightsay

Thanks DaisyBelle,

Pretty much hit the nail on the head. Just needed someone to say it to me! Don't know what my intention was starting the email but it quickly got out of hand! Boils down to nothing more than desperation and emotional blackmail as you said. I'm sure she has her reasons which I'll find out in due course. Wont be doing the long distance thing again! Its hard to keep it going. Fortunately as bad as it seems it will make the break up easier. Just disappointed its going to end this way.

Going accept her decision and move on.

Back in the gym since last week so keeping busy in the eve's and have a few holidays lined up.