Possibly medically unwell tenant (rent a room scheme)

um7y1h83ge06nx

Hi guys,

Thought I'd come on here for advice.

One of my housemates which is staying in my house under the rent a room scheme is worrying me with his mental state recently.

He has been living here for over a year. He had some history behind him, he suffered a difficult divorce and with the construction industry collapse he also lost his job, he's in his late forties. He has been a good friend and housemate.

However in the past week he has underwent a huge change. He wants to get his life back on track which is good I thought. He wants to sort out getting a job, doing courses, getting back in touch with his ex-wife and his kids whom he has had no contact with in over four years.

So far so good but then that initial good buzz turned to him getting paranoid, agitated, tense and prone to talking nonsensical talk, and even seems to be thinking out loud or maybe even talking to himself.

He also seems paranoid about people following him. For example yesterday evening we went for a walk around the suburb I live in. Now it was around half six so was every busy with people out after work, walking, running etc. Last night before I went to sleep he knocked on my door asking if I thought it was strange that some many people were around and could some of them be following us. Also he was convinced that a packet of cigarettes one of the lads bought for him were somehow tainted as he said he got the shakes after smoking one.

My girlfriend was shocked with his behavior too, particularly when he started saying things that had nothing to do with the conversation. For instance they were chatting when she was washing some dishes, normal stuff and suddenly he looked at her very seriously and just repeated "why?" in a very serious tone. There are other examples of that strange sudden conversation lines too,

So after living with this person for the last 16 months or so in the last week I have become concerned about him and worried that it's going to get problematic living with him. On Sunday the girlfriend and I said to him that if he's not feeling well or stressed for any reason that he should go to a doctor and talk it over with him. He has spoken as well that he wants to sort out things (his debts and contact his family) as he as he puts it doesn't have much time

Seeing as we are not members of his family we can't force him to get medical help so apart from recommending his to speak to someone or re-assure him that some of his worries are irrational we can't do more. We don't have any way of contacting any of his family, he doesn't even know where they are of their contact details himself.

So, what the hell should I do?

edellc

Learn a lesson and never mix business and pleasure again, but what is done is done and you are in the situation you are in now. You always have options and from what I have read I see your two

You either say that its not working out and ask him to find somewhere else to live, therefore giving you space from the situation. If you then choose to help him so be it but at least you have some kind of cut off by being able to help him on your terms without him being in your home 24/7

Or you let him continue living with you and either continue to encourage him to seek help or just avoid him, which tbh is kinda hard living under the same roof

As for how you can help him, well firstly do you want to or do you want him out and to wash your hands of him and move on with life?? you have to sort that out. He is an adult and realistically he isnt your problem but if you do want to help him find these people try facebook, phonebook, where did they last live/known address, work place, kids schools?? these are all things you can encourage him to have a look at

do try get him to see a doctor as he does sound like he needs help and is in a bit of a distressed state which isnt nice for either of you, but like I said he is an adult and you can only encourage him to seek the help

so figure out what you want to do about the situation and then you can put a plan of action into place

Victor

Has he been taking medication and is suddenly off that medication?

In the immediate term, the best option would be to get him to a doctor.

um7y1h83ge06nx

That's for the reply, you definitely have hit the nail on the head and are definitely in tune with what I was thinking myself.

As regards mixing business with pleasure, it's pretty hard to avoid when you're renting a room in your house, sort of goes hand in hand I guess.

As I said I think your options are right. I reckon I'll give things until the end of the week at most and if the situation hasn't improved I'll ask him to move out, explaining that it's just too difficult for me being so close to the situation.

He's a decent guy so I'd be willing to be a friendly ear but as you said when you're living with someone like that it's a little too close for comfort.

If it gets to a stage where I feel he has to leave I'll re-iterate that he should speak to a doctor, but if he doesn't want to, there is absolutely nothing I can do to force him as he is not a family member.

Victor - I don't think he is on medication at any stage, I've never heard him mention or mention any visits to the doctor or the pharmacist. I was quite "rattled" as even though I know he has been going through a tough period it seemed that literally one day he suddenly changed from a person with family/financial issues to someone more troubled.

The timing is a little crap as in a week and a half I'll be out of the country for 3 weeks so going to be awkward if I have to help him move, return the deposit, collect keys etc. although I'm sure I can get my parents to help out.

Victor

Moved from Accommodation & Property