Is this a lost cause?

LegacyUser

Earlier this year I met a group of people, we've all become good friends and go out most weekends. Hit it off with one of the guys, we went on a couple of dates. Then one night I got stupid level drunk and kissed someone else in front of him and he ended things between us. I was really disappointed and angry with myself.

Fast forward a couple of months later and we're all out. Me and the guy speak properly for the first time since what had happened, he tells me he still likes me and we end up scoring. A few days later we're all out again but this time he pretty much ignores me. Not gonna lie, it made me feel like crap.

Does this sound hopeless? I would love to give things a go with this guy, he's the first person I've genuinely liked in a long long time. In situations like this I would usually get straight to the point and just ask what the story is. But because I still have these feelings of guilt about what happened before, I feel like I might need to let him dictate things. But I don't want to let him lead me on or use me either. Any advice appreciated.

Lorna123

This is what I think based on what you have said. I feel that this guy is unsure of you and that you were too quick to score with him after what happened. He could think that you are ready to score with anyone who talks nicely to you and it might have been better to find out where you stood first. So what I would do now is have a chat with him, and ask him straight out what the story is. Tell him that you undestood from the night before that things were developing between you and then he ignores you the next night. There is no harm in letting him know that you feel bad about what happened based on how he is treating you now. In fact I think this is a good thing, i.e. letting him know that you don't just score someone and think nothing of it. See what he says. If he says that he is not interested in having a relationship with you then you will know where you stand. No point in arguing about the mixed messages but you won't make that mistake again.

Fluorescence

To be perfectly honest, I think you've both acted incredibly immaturely. Getting involved with each other is probably a recipe for disaster - ye'll end up in a cycle of playing games and mind-tricks on each other. Best to leave this one, learn from it, and start with a clean slate with someone new.

Sorry if this seems harsh!

I agree with Fluorescence, it's probably going to end in disaster.

That said, I think it's worth resolving, even if it does cause trouble. Tell him straight out exactly where you stand. Don't leave any room for playing games, just tell him your side and ask him his. He either wants to play ball or not, and you'll probably both feel better once you know what's going on.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks so much for replies. I know I effed up before, hands up to that. I just don't see why he would have told me he liked me again and then done such a u-turn. I didn't think he was the kind of guy to talk bull**** to a girl just to try and get a bit of action but maybe he is.

Anyway, spoke to a mutual friend about it today and they seemed to be hinting that he is seeing someone else now. So I'm thinking I'll just leave it, I won't bother trying to talk to him about it unless he contacts me, which is probably unlikely. Live and learn eh? Is it pathetic how upset I am over this? I've had long-term relationships end and not felt this crappy! Oh well.

LegacyUser

when you think about it logically, his actions do make sense in a lot of ways. i think you may be underestimating the damage you caused him by scoring someone else in front of him.

i think he really does like you......and he meant what he said. BUT he's scared to show you any commitment after what you did. he's probably caught in 2 minds. a, that he really likes you and b, that if he gets more attached to you, it will only cause him further pain in the future so he should steer clear and protect himself.

the best thing to do is to be and honest and explain how u feel. then hope for the best......because, no matter what you say, trust is built up by action and not words!

Jojo87 wrote: »

OP here.

Thanks so much for replies. I know I effed up before, hands up to that. I just don't see why he would have told me he liked me again and then done such a u-turn. I didn't think he was the kind of guy to talk bull**** to a girl just to try and get a bit of action but maybe he is.

Anyway, spoke to a mutual friend about it today and they seemed to be hinting that he is seeing someone else now. So I'm thinking I'll just leave it, I won't bother trying to talk to him about it unless he contacts me, which is probably unlikely. Live and learn eh? Is it pathetic how upset I am over this? I've had long-term relationships end and not felt this crappy! Oh well.

LegacyUser

ffsdf wrote: »

when you think about it logically, his actions do make sense in a lot of ways. i think you may be underestimating the damage you caused him by scoring someone else in front of him.

i think he really does like you......and he meant what he said. BUT he's scared to show you any commitment after what you did. he's probably caught in 2 minds. a, that he really likes you and b, that if he gets more attached to you, it will only cause him further pain in the future so he should steer clear and protect himself.

the best thing to do is to be and honest and explain how u feel. then hope for the best......because, no matter what you say, trust is built up by action and not words!

Thanks for this. I suppose what I did wasn't just going to be forgotten about.

I don't feel comfortable getting in contact with him now. But if I see him in the future and the opportunity comes up, I'll try explain how I feel.