Broke up with boyfriend need friends

mary55

Hi broke up with my boyfriend of over four and half years this week and am finding it difficult. Was bad for few days yesterday was grand now bad again today. I suppose it will b bad for a while. I feel like crap but I guess I kinda knew it was coming somehow.

Anyway I have never really had that many friends. And now I suppose I need some. I have two friends but one is moving away so will not be able to contact her much the other one lives about 4o mins away but she is in college and doing a demanding course and will not have much time for me and I do not want to be bothering her too much. I will be able to go out with her sometimes I think at least that is something.

It was mainly my boyfriend I used do things at the weekend with. Now I don't know what I will do with myself at the weekends. So any suggestions as to how to make friends? Or what I could do to pass the time at weekends? I have a job so that keeps me occupied during the week and also I started yoga which is one night a week.

26 by the way

Thanks

Internet Hero

yeah takes time to heal from these things! and you should look on bright side and think yeah i have a good chance to make new friends now. i think the best thing to find friends is some sport club. i do 5 aside and i met loads of lads doing that and were all good mates now. try something like that and dont give up its hard at the start! but it is worth it! good luck

ZzubZzub

I'm sorry you're going through this tough time, it's a ****ty time.

You said you don't want to bother your friend that's 40 minutes away... I have been that friend with the demanding course. My best friend didn't want to bother me after her and her boyfriend broke up. Thing is, I was annoyed that she did't come to me!! I would of, and have done since, dropped everything when a friend needs me.

I think you should give this friend a shout. Even just to chat to, and make arrangements to hang out. Times like this, you need your friends.

And it will get better, it just takes an annoying amount of time!

As for making new friends, starting something like yoga was a great idea! Getting chatting to those there. Now is the time to use your weekends for anything you've wanted to do/try!

Good luck

cafecolour

Well, first, make sure you have some patience. Building a social circle (and getting over an ltr) is more of a six month thing than a six week thing.

Yoga is a good start. Don't be afraid to chat with other members before/after class. Just a casual chat, and if someone seems cold/unreceptive don't take personally, just move on - not everyone is sociable/looking for new friends. Again, you're not going to find instant friends, but after a few months of chatting with different folks, you should have some you know decently and have become closer to.

And join other groups around your interests, meetups (meetup.com), volunteer somewhere, etc. and repeat the above.

As for weekends, one suggestion - I like to, at least 1-2 weekends a month, try and take little trips somewhere not to far. Just around Ireland like, give yourself a change of scenery. Maybe get a B&B for Saturday night, they can be cheap enough. There's a lot of beautiful places around the country.

mary55

ok thanx guys im just gonna have to tough it out I guess and make more an effort to get out and about. I am just finding it so strange though after four and half years its like I nearly have to build a new life. I just became so dependent on him.

Just one more question does anyone think it would be weird if I tried to be friends with my ex boyfriend and we went say to the cinema together? Or wud it just mess me up more?

ZX7R

Hi mary55 in my experence trying to stay friends with your ex is a bad idea it just doesnt work,someone always ends up wanting more than friendship and things will end up messy,and you might feel a lot worse than when you broke up

AnnyHallsal

Mary, I'm in a similar boat. I'd advise cutting contact. I've only started to feel better since I stopped using excuses to see the ex as a lifeline. Make every effort to get out and about, make as many plans as you can, have a look at meetup.com, and when you feel ready look into online dating. Then one day you'll wake up and he won't be the first thought on your mind. I promise

R019912

I'll give my two cents worth seeing as I was in the exact same situation 6 months ago and I'm great today I also posted on boards too and got loads of helpful advice! I was with a girl from roughly ages 18-22, abandoned my friends, didn't make an effort to make new friends while in a relationship, so when I found myself dumped it was hard. The poster above who said to be patient hit the nail on the head, it takes around 6 months to build up a social circle. I'm not saying I've turned into mr.popular in that time, but slowly and surely I've found myself to be more outgoing and just happier in general. Patience is key (and I'm usually an impatient type so if I can do it anyone can!) With regards to going cinema with your ex, I really wouldn't reccomend that. Cuttin contact altogether is the only way IMO. Anyway good luck!

primrose_lily

Hi Mary55

I feel like you have just written about me! About 2 weeks ago my boyfriend of over 7 years ended things. he had moved in about 3 months and everything seemed fine...well when i say fine, we didnt argue but we were both not happy in our own ways.

Anyway I was heartbroken at first but with some time to think i feel better that we split but it has made me face the scary fact that i actually relied on him for so much (he was my best friend!!...sad i know).I feel like i have very few friends....very few ppl that i can just call up. Now in fairness this whole situation has made me closer to 2 of my old gal pals from previous jobs but they dont live nearby. Im working hard on trying to meet new people who live a little closer to town so i can socialise more.

Im finding boards a really good way to do so plus getting out to the gym, joining classes and just making the effort with work colleagues.

Im hoping to meet up with some boards ppl this week and like those above, patience is so important when making a new social circle.
Everything takes time. It sucks when all we want is for things to work out now but i guess we need time right now to adjust to life as single girls and then the rest will follow.

Hope your feeling a little better each day, it does get easier.