feeling down about guy

LegacyUser

long story but ill shorten it for now.
met a guy few years ago, fine for few weeks then he goes mental at me for no real reason and leaves it,ignores me.done! about 8months later he gets back in contact to apologise for his behaviour etc,after a while i forgive him but he has a gf at this stage. stupidly we start messing around. i felt guilty as hell but i kept it up for about 9months til i started to develop feelings for him.ended it in a huge row.didnt talk for a year or so. he messaged me on a night out,he came over and we talked about everything,he was going through things and was crying and was really all over the place.he left during the day and we said we would remain friends(he still has the gf!)and i was with someone so i didnt want to cheat. so we became good friends,we talked a lot and met up for tea etc but eventually we ended up doing "stuff" after i broke up with the other guy. we talked a lot and agreed that friendship came first and that this was just something we sometimes did.i know it sounds awful of me and a bizarre enough situation but it seemed to work.roll on 2years later and he has been there for me through all the bad crap in my life and me for him. the problem now is he and the gf broke up couple of months ago and i think he thought they might get back together but she found out about us so that ended that reconnection!he has taken it SO BADLY. he cant sleep properly and its affecting everything he does.ive finally convinced him to go talk to a professional which hes going to do soon but my problem is that even though i could always be open with him and tell him everything i cant tell him now that ive fallen in love with him i know i shouldnt be with him like that,i dont even think he would want to be with me like that, but in the past if ive ever felt strongly for him, ive told and we talked it out and its been ok but the way his head is now, i cant and its wrecking my head!ive been SO DOWN the past week about it all and he knows somethings up and keeps asking whats up and to talk to him about it but i cant!! i dont want to tell me mates either cuz i know theyll say, hes not worth it, hes a cheat etc and i know that but you cant help how you feel about someone im trying to ween myself off of talking to him(we text nearly every day) but i dont want him to cop onto it much. i dont know what else i can do??! im sure people on here will judge me for messing around with a guy in a relationship and i do regret my actions. also, i know if iwaas to be with him i dont know could i trust him fully.i trust him in every other way except when it comes to other girls and what kind of a relationship is that?! im just so confused and down right now

DeltaWhite

I wont judge you OP... it aint my business anyway but all I will say is, this has been one rollercoaster ride the last few years am I right?? Do you really want it to continue this way? Leaving you feeling like sh*t? He can jump into bed with you but he doesnt want to be with you???

my problem is that even though i could always be open with him and tell him everything i cant tell him now that ive fallen in love with him

i dont even think he would want to be with me like that

The above is why you should leave this toxic relationship behind! Unless of course you come clean to him and see what he wants to do, but if it were me, I would have been through enough to continue something that in my eyes is "friends with benefits"

OP - you can do better

LegacyUser

DeltaWhite wrote: »

I wont judge you OP... it aint my business anyway but all I will say is, this has been one rollercoaster ride the last few years am I right?? Do you really want it to continue this way? Leaving you feeling like sh*t? He can jump into bed with you but he doesnt want to be with you???

my problem is that even though i could always be open with him and tell him everything i cant tell him now that ive fallen in love with him

i dont even think he would want to be with me like that

The above is why you should leave this toxic relationship behind! Unless of course you come clean to him and see what he wants to do, but if it were me, I would have been through enough to continue something that in my eyes is "friends with benefits"

OP - you can do better

Thanks for not making me feel worse about the situation ya you are right,its been a crazy emotion filled rollercoaster alright. I agree with what you say but it will be hard to lose him even on a friend level. and i dont want to just stop talking to him without explaining but given i cant explain that now i might just cut back the texting and meeting up
i hate things that are hard to do but gotta be done i think!thanks x