How to help my 4yo make friends

EmLPage

Dear all I am looking for some advice on how to help my 4yo son make some friends. By way of background we live in a semi-rural area and none of our neighbours have children around the same age (the youngest living close by is 9). My son had made a friend at pre-school last year. There were play dates arranged and they got on very well. My 4yo declared he didn't need any more friends as he had a "best friend".

He started junior infants last month and since then his "friend" has deserted him. They are in the same JI class but the boy doesn't want to know him anymore. He ignores him and won't play with him during break. I only found this out last night. My son is now somewhat at a loss of what to do during breaks. He is making attempts to join in with other children but, very much like myself, talks quite fast and this appears to be putting off other children who struggle to understand him at first.

I work full time and it is my partner who is doing the daily raising of our son. He has never made any serious attempts to cultivate friendships. He never attended toddler groups in the local village etc and when my son made a friend last year he was chuffed. He feels quite embarrassed about trying to arrange meet ups with other parents and their children as he feels (in typical manly fashion) that the woman may feel he is trying to chat them up if he invites them around for coffee and a play date! or more seriously that they might feel somewhat apprehensive about letting their child come over to play when there is only a man in the house. Due to this he doesn't bother.

I know that children make friends at their own pace but my son was quite upset last night about this and i know that my partner and I really need to pull our socks up in this respect does anyone have any help, advice or tips on what we can do to help our little boy?

Hannibal Smith

You could organise to meet a few parents and kids from school that he talks about in the local playground? That way inviting to yours wouldn'tbe an issue, you could even meet on a Saturday or Sunday morning. Then you'll be there so meeting your husband by himself isn't a problem either?.

Even going to the park after school he may not make lifelong friends, but he might enjoy being around other kids. He could start a sport, get to know others that way?

edellc

I think your OH is just going to have to suck it up and be brave for the sake of your child, he needs to take a risk and talk to other mothers and explain that he is a stay at home daddy, most women really dont think that all men are going to jump their bones when talking to them and you OH has to learn this for your sons sake.

I am heartbroken for you son and for your hubby and you as it must be so hard on you both seeing your baby boy upset, but hubby needs to put himself out there too which is scary as a child but even worse as an adult so they are both in the same boat but when you have a child you have to do these things.

Do get your son involved in a team sport after school and when his birthday comes round invite some kids from the class over for it and the mothers too so they can see he isnt a sex predator

let your hubby lead his son by example and best of luck to them both with making new friends x

Wantobe

The two main ways of broadening their circle of friends are playdates and after school activities. Football/hurling, horseriding, scouts, martial arts, music lessons- even drama. Other parents are just as keen for their children to make lots of friends as you are. I've found Camogie ( we have girls) to be great for that as you meet the other parents while watching and we often invite one of the other children back to our house for a few hours after. Would your husband or yourself consider volunteering as a coach or even just to help out as this also gets you out and meeting the other kids and parents?

Another thing we did when we moved to a new area a few years back was we had a party- actually it was a halloween party. And we invited all the kids in the class. A few of the parents stayed to chat. So they get to see your house and suss you out ( enough so they know you're not a psycho killer!) and equally you get to meet them. Following on from that we got lots of party invitations and when we invited children for playdates at least the parents knew us and were happy to accept. It all takes a bit of time and effort but easily achievable. I found I had to make all the plans for our children to get them integrated with the community and other kids but once I suggested something concrete to my husband he was happy enough to go along with it.