Not the guy I knew...

LegacyUser

I've been seeing this nice guy with the last couple of months. But I recently found out after pushing him to be honest with me about his troublesome past, from car theft, post office theft, has 2 other kids with two other women, on top of the 3 I already know of. He was also shot in the past. He's from Northern Ireland where he may have just got stuck with the wrong croud, but also he was in his 20's when this happened. He's now in his 30's. He's aware how stupid he was back then and even served time in prison for it.

I on the other hand am a nice person, sensitive even a bit innocent on occasions. So all of this has just completely shocked me. I feel he finally was honest because I gave him some sort of an ultimatum.

Question is, can a guy really change for the better? Or is a criminal always a criminal?
Don't want to get hurt.....

IrishEyes19

Hi OP, on one hand thats a lot of baggage to start a relationship with! A hell of a lot and I can understand your concerns, safety wise, honesty, and the fact that he has commitments to other women regarding children. Its a lot to take on board.

On the other hand, if you really like this man and want a future with him, you need to decide what exactly you can accept about his past. If he is honest and turned the corner, it will be unfair of you if you use his past against him in the future. You need to find out if you can let the past go and give him a chance to prove to you that he is decent and a changed person.

It is fully in your right though to end it now. Everyone has deal breakers and comfort levels. I think you need to sit down and really think hard about it.

dixiefly

Have you any common friends with him that you are close enough to bounce this off? Also, are you sure that you like him a lot yourself and that you are not infatuated with him in some way?

His relationships with other women and children would indicate that there is a LOT of baggage there. If I was you I would be trying to find out was he cheating a lot or was it a number of consecutive relationships.

You have to figue out whether he is capable of returning to type if things start to go wrong as there are ups and downs in every relationship. Does he still have contact with any of his "associates" from his murky past.

I wold generally be supportive of criminals being given a second chance but if it was my daughter or sister and I had the limited information that is here then I would be saying to stay clear. However, you are probably best served getting more information and discussing with someone you can trust.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Thanks for your replies. I'm moving abroad next year so I'm doing my best not to think of anything long term with him. I can't. I don't think I could any way if I was to stay as there is a lot of baggage. I have enjoyed being with him, the attention, company, sex, should I stop it because of what I've just found out? When I don't want to. Maybe I know my own answer, but my subconscious says "are you insane considering to continue seeing this man with a criminal past, even though the kids from different mothers bothers me more. He says he has nothing to do with anything criminal related now and is ashamed of his past and has to live with it every day.
Maybe I'm just looking for assurance that it's okay to continue seeing this guy...I've just never dealt with it before.

Ellsbells

Does he treat all his kids well? See them? Pay for them? Do you want to take the risk of getting pregnant as no form of contraception is 100%?

What has he done to improve his life?

Meauldsegosha

If you are moving abroad next year why bother investing time in a relationship you're not 100% sure about. You're only going out with him a couple cut your loses now I'd say.

John Mason

My friend has married a lovely man.

he had 4 children when they met, 2 of which he hadnt seen since they were 10 and 12 (when they got married they were 16-20). he has tats on his hand, a criminal record, drugs problems

But he will tell you meeting my friend changed his life, he feels he has a second chance at life.

he is now in contact with all 4 of his children, has good respectable job, house plus 2 of their own children.

so yes, i think people can and do change all the time.

cafecolour

The theft wouldn't bother me if it was a long time ago.

I'd be a bit hesitant getting in a relationship with someone who has 5 children already with multiple women.

If you're going abroad though, you can just consider this some fun until you go, and end it when you leave. Just don't end up with the 6th kid

Jonti

Run as fast as you can...............why put up with a scumbag when there are other decent guys out there.

Merkin

I'd be grabbing my coat sharpish if I were you hon

okiss

This guy is trouble. Look what you told us in your post
Car theft, post office theft and been in prison. You knew he had 3 children that you knew off but he has told you have 2 other children with 2 different woman.

This is not the action of some one who got in with the wrong crowd.
Any man could have a child with a woman but when you are going out with a man who has 5 children with a number of different woman you can be sure that he is not supporting them or that they know him at all.
I would finish with this man and get a full check for all sti as he may have given you something.
Some sti have no symptoms but you could have major problems at a later date if you want to have a family if you don't look after yourself now.

Distorted

Err, he had FIVE children with several different women, TWO of whom he kept secret from you until you found out?

How many red flags do you need??? Sounds like he is a compulsive liar, with a past record of dishonesty, which even if he is going straight, will still latently affect his attitude to inter-personal relationships. In other words, how can you know if he is ever telling the truth, if he hid two of his five children's existence from you?

I bet theres other stuff you don't know about yet too.

Run for the hills. Run fast and keep running...

misterdarkness

you seem like a nice girl and without knowing all your circumstances you can only take advice with pinch of salt but jesus girl if you have any respect you should get out of there ASAP before he brings you down as well as himself and other girls. Just remember a criminal record is for life and in my experience people like that go quite for a while but all they need is a trigger to go back to that life. get the hell out now and never look back