Pre-Marriage Courses - All acceptable or priest decides??

GKiraly

With our wedding coming up next year, soon it'll be time to get the pre-marriage course done. We've heard about some courses such as MRCS that are done and dusted fairly quick yet Accord take all day. Ideally it would be nice to go with MRCS or Avalon or something less painful, but our priest is advising to go with Accord. Yet in other parishes you hear of priests being lenient enough with with pre-marriage certs. So whats the story with the lack of consistency?? Are priests suiting themselves and 'looking out for their own' advising some and dissing others?? Is there no list out there in black and white that states whats acceptable and whats not, or do the priests get to move the goalposts as they see fit?

toadfly

Its up to the individual priest. We done the accord one and twas grand.

pwurple

I'd say they are looking out for you, rather than themselves. They will recommend a pre-marriage course they know. Otherwise it is a paper pushing exercise of no value to anyone. The pre marriage course is supposed to be useful to you.

Yes, every priest is different.

You don't seem to have any relationship with your priest if you can't discuss it with him, why are you going down that route in the first place? You can have a civil ceremony with no requirement for a pre marriage course.

gozunda

I don't quite get it tbh....

And priests know what now about marriage?

Go the civil route and skip the feudal
Scenario. I did and it was much better...

Bobsammy

I think it's up to the individual priest what they deem acceptable. We did the Accord one last month. Wasn't the most exciting way to spend a weekend but it wasn't too bad. If you do book that one you should have a look at the prices in a few places. We saved €100 by going to a neighbouring county rather than the one closest to us.

pwurple

gozunda wrote: »

And priests know what now about marriage?

Accord are not priests. Accord are a relationship counselling service.

And even if they were, since when was not being married make you unqualified to help with marriage counselling? By that logic, my gynacologist shouldn't be a man.

gozunda

pwurple wrote: »

gozunda wrote: »

And priests know what now about marriage?

Accord are not priests. Accord are a relationship counselling service.

Thanks for that pwurple

The OP has clearly stated the Priest is telling them to go to Accord - hence my comment.

Why are you having a go at me btw?

username123

Its just a money spinning exercise as far as I can tell, but if you want to get married by the church, you have to jump through the churches hoops. In these days of couples living together before marriage its probably an outdated concept anyway, but still - if you want to use a church, thems the rules.

I havent personally noticed any of my civilly married friends (or my own civil marriage) lacking from not having had to do a marriage course.

neemish

The majority of courses are fine - it's up to yourself.
However, the Avalon DVD course is no longer recognised by most dioceses.

GKiraly

You don't seem to have any relationship with your priest if you can't discuss
it with him, why are you going down that route in the first place? You can have
a civil ceremony with no requirement for a pre marriage course.

what sort of rubbish is that? We're going down the conventional marriage route coz we're both catholic christians. No we dont have a relationship with him coz hes new in the area and we dont go to mass consistently every week. And besides, since when did having a relationship with your priest become so decisive in which route to go down? If that was such a determining factor then overseas weddings would become a thing of the past. Instead, more popular they're getting, I wonder why?!?

Thanks to the other posts folks, some good points there. Like I said, there seems to be a lack of consistency in that its not like baptismal certs, or marriage registrations, cert of confirmation, etc where its just one type and thats that. But once whichever one is acceptable and ticks the boxes then I suppose thats good enough. Considering that Accord (word around the campfire has it thats its heavily Catholic values orientated, not that I've a problem with that, being Catholic as we are, but I would have thought that a more modern day morals/ethics pre-marriage course would be more beneficial and in tune with todays society!) is being promoted to us, what with the comments above, it doesnt seem so bad after all!

I think username123's first paragraph comment pretty much sums up what im inclined to think too!

pwurple

Just think it's fairly odd that you couldn't even bring yourself to have a conversation about it with the person performing your ceremony. But hey, it's your wedding. Good luck.

GKiraly

Just think it's fairly odd that you couldn't even bring yourself to have a conversation about it with the person performing your ceremony

eh, I think you may need to read my OP again, I said what the priest advised but I didnt say what level of discussion we had about it, did I? We did discuss it, but as I said in my OP - and to clarify further, silly me for not bringing myself to include it in the OP - we suggested other alternative courses that we were interested in but he was dead set on the idea that we go with Accord and wasnt keen on the idea of any other pre-marriage courses being done.

tatli_lokma

pwurple wrote: »

.

And even if they were, since when was not being married make you unqualified to help with marriage counselling? By that logic, my gynacologist shouldn't be a man.

no, by that logic it would be my gynaecologist has never seen a womans bits, therefore shouldn't be a gynaecologist.
Not being married does not mean you cannot give marriage counselling, but it does mean that it is all purely academic and with no personal insight and therefore, counselling from someone who has experienced living with a wife/husband would be much more useful and relevant. Going to a priest for marriage guidance is like being an alcoholic and expecting a tee-totaller to understand what you are talking about. Hence, this is why some of the most respected substance abuse counsellors have experienced substance abuse and can relate. A priest simply cannot relate to marriage in any way other than as an outsider to the experience.


Going back to your analogy, a priest giving marriage advice is a bit like a gynaecologist who has only ever seen lady-bits in a book - yeah sure they know all the bits and how they work, but its all academic with no practical experience.

Cerulean Chicken

We did the Accord one, it was pretty interesting and good fun.

Patrick99

Hoping to throw some light on a muddled situation, here are the plain facts about which courses are accepted as preparation for catholic marriage. Canon Law says a couple must make "suitable preparation" for the sacrament, but does not spell out exactly what this requires.

A few Irish dioceses publish a list of approved pre-marriage courses; but most bishops leave judgment on this matter to the local clergy. If your priest (the one in charge of the church where the wedding is to take place) accepts your course as sufficient, then you're in the clear! However, if your diocese does not endorse the course you wish to book, its cert may be refused by the local priest. Check this via your diocesan website. We advise couples to consult that priest before booking their course.

So far, no Irish diocese has approved a purely ONLINE course. This could change in the future. To find out, the links are at http://www.together.ie/Diocesan_approval.html.

Fr. Pat Rogers

paulbok

Most priests will push for the Accord one as (I'm open to correction on this) they are afiliated with the church.
We did the Together.ie on and the priest was ok with it in the end. We just told him, the Accord didn't suit time-wise, and that is was too expensive (compared to Together) and that we'd already booked and paid.

Patrick99

Because there's some leeway in deciding which pre-marriage courses are acceptable in the various Irish dioceses, it is always best to check in advance with your priest (the one who is arranging your wedding documents) as to which of the advertised courses is approved.

On our www.Together.ie website, we have a detailed list of FAQs and a full description of what our course covers, so that if he does not already know, your priest can check to see if we fulfil the conditions required in his diocese. See http://www.together.ie/FAQs.html.

Fr. Pat Rogers
Mount Argus, Dublin

andylennon11

Is it okay to book accord before date set? Have roughly checked with priest the dates and it ll be in the next year. Do I have to have a set date to book?

neemish

andylennon11 wrote: »

Is it okay to book accord before date set? Have roughly checked with priest the dates and it ll be in the next year. Do I have to have a set date to book?

No, you don't need to confii date before booking/doing pre-marriage course

Clareman

andylennon11 wrote: »

Is it okay to book accord before date set? Have roughly checked with priest the dates and it ll be in the next year. Do I have to have a set date to book?

Nope, you don't need to have a date set. A friend of mine has been on 3 Pre-Marriage courses

For me, the Pre-Marriage course was the Terms and Conditions for getting married in the Catholic Church, we wanted to get married in a Church and if they wanted us to agree to the T&Cs first, then that was fair enough, we went on a 1 day course and it was grand, in fact friends of ours who were getting married around the same time did the course with us so we had a good laugh.

Patrick99

Andy asked:
"Is it okay to book premarriage course before wedding date is set?"

Yes, if that suits the couple. In principle, any APPROVED course that the couple attends in the lead-up time (anything from 15 months to 2 months before the wedding) should be acceptable to their priest. Assuming of course that the person you attend the course with is the one you marry!

Fr. Pat Rogers
Director of the www.Together.ie course

cruhoortwunk

Hey folks. Old thread I know, but it's all relevant to our situation. We are having a wedding in a church in Wicklow. Neither of us has a link to that parish or the priest. Our priest is a relation of mine.

I'd like to do the Avalon course, but it seems not all priests accept it. Who do we have to clear the suitability of the pre marriage course with? Parish priest or the priest that is marrying us?

toadfly

The one marrying ye.