Ambiguous Sexuality?

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I want to know if anyone else has experience of this.

For a start I am most definately not gay. Just thought I'd point that out. I know what I like, and I know for a fact that I like women (If you doubt me please review my internet browsing history!) So anyway. Need to clarify that.

Ever since I was 16 or so people have gossiped and whispered about the possibility I might be gay. I think its origins may have been a drunken experience with a lad I don't remember and apparantly everybody found out about it (Lots of hugging and stuff, nothing sexual or kissing or anything like that) Well anyway. Thats not really the point. I also probably have what may be perceived as a 'gay aura'. Apparantly I walk a little like a gay man, have a slight lisp, and am slightly effiminate with my mannerisms (Such as the way I use my hands when talking etc.) Now I've analysed this stuff to death and I've never tried to repress any of it. Its the way I am and the way I interact and I can't help it. I can't help if that is a telltale sign of somebody being 'gay'.

I've also never had a girlfriend (I'm 24) Very little sexual contact really.

But now I'm begging to think that maybe there is something about me. Why, for example, have I never tried to get into a relationship with a girl? I'm a pretty ugly person, overweight and all the rest and women have traditionally placed me firmly in the friendzone. I have occasionally had some opportunities with women but for one reason or another I bottled it, I'm pathologically shy around the opposite sex (Well, only when it looks like we might get intimate) Even more worrying is that I can't remember the last time I had an unprovoked erection or woke up with an erection - which I understand is a natural biological condition for most men! I'm thinking either for one reason or another my sex drive has basically died off because of a lack of sexual contact and/or I just can't get it up anymore unless I'm watching porn and/or doing something to manually stimulate the process, as it were.

Is it possible to repress homosexuality even from yourself?

Could I be asexual?

Now, the gossip and the sniggering I can handle, I've handled that since adolescence, but I do feel really confused right now and don't know whats going on anymore. Any advice greatly appreciated as I find all of this rather troubling. Thanks.

Big Bag of Chips

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Regards,
Big Bag of Chips

Starokan

No I would not think you are asexual, if your internet history involves searches for women which you find attractive I would think thats a good indicator that you are heterosexual.

You sound like you lack experience as in you lack a frame of reference as to how to proceed to have a relationship with someone, my advice would be next time an opportunity arises to meet someone, go out with someone etc take it.

Its easy to say but hard to do, but you have to ignore the gossips, i know how vicious gossips can be and how hurtful but you need to concentrate on yourself, its sad to hear you describe yourself as ugly etc, ugly is a word i despise, people see different things in people, there are many people who look past physical appearences etc. Building your own self esteem would be a good life choice before embarking on a relationship.

LegacyUser

i know i'm not supposed to give medical advice... and afaik this isn't so much medical as it is a comment on your possible habits (i.e. i'm not suggesting any medical treatment, etc)

BUT - i'd check out this site: http://yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-and-porn

apparently porn addiction is quite common and can alter how your body works naturally. get some goals... you seem a bit down on yourself so i'd join the nearest gym & work towards doing something physical 5+ days a week... if you combine cardio with ruling out sugar/processed foods & maybe download a calorie counter or something for your phone you'll start dropping weight and that'll improve how you feel about yourself and having that extra confidence will change how other people look at you.

also - who are these people 'gossipping and sniggering' about you? if they're friends/mates you need to drop them asap, you don't need people like that in your life. if it's colleagues/workmates/classmates you need to understand that this time next year you probably won't even remember most of their names - that's how irrelevant they are in the grand scheme of things so you can't let their idiotic opinion of you in any way negatively influence your life.

so in summary, i'd go easy on the porn and see if you crave the company of women - pretty easy straight/gay check right there... watch the stuff on that site - they recommend removing porn from your life altogether but that's your call.... and definitely get out and get physical + more social. 1st month will be tough but you can do it