Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Children messed up....My fault?

  • 26-09-2012 7:39am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Sorry but just need to put this down and get some opinions on it.
    History:
    Wife had and affair 8yrs ago-still kept it "active" through FB, text, chats. She didnt want our marriage to work and it broke mine and our childrens (23+18) hearts. Made serious accusations about me while drunk on 2 occasions so I felt I as the I have a right to live a peaceful life in our home and applied for a safety order which wasnt granted on the grounds of not enough evidence. She lied to the children about what went on and in court.
    Now:
    We are still in the same home due to finaciall issues and our kids are totally messed up with everything that is going on. The children know why I had to take out the safety order and understood the reasons. They went through the whole ordeal both angry, withdrawn, basically 2 different children and I was trying to hold up my best to them while this was going on although not knowing what was going to happen in the future. Yesterday she spoke to our children about an issue (family member )that was brought up in court and our son told me about it. I text ed my wife and said to her do not use that issue in court to deflect the real issue why we were in court in the first place and don't use the children as a way of unburdening her guilt of what happen in the past and the marriage breaking down, through her lies, deceit, and selfishness are the reasons why we are here today.
    I know our children are old enough to realize who done wrong, but its getting harder now.

    I've given them both space so they can try and get some hold on whats going on. Maybe my wife's plan is working on me. I was very strong going through this but the knock back of not getting the safety order and the children's behavior is more or less telling me its all my fault. Iv'e asked both children for an hour out of their time maybe over the weekend and get them to put their views across and they have to live here too and are entitled to have a say.
    Am I doing wrong?


Comments

  • #2
    HeyThereDeliah
    Closed Accounts Posts: 967 ✭✭✭HeyThereDeliah


    Just to get a clearer picture are you and your wife separated for eight years
    The children are adults now and must know the score if ye have lived in the same house throughout the separation.
    I know you said for financial reasons ye share the house but would it not be better for one of ye to move out?
    Are ye both working?


  • #3
    StillWaters
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,799 ✭✭✭StillWaters


    This sounds like an utterly toxic situation for everyone living there. I don't know why you went for a safety order and dragged your kids into it?
    In any case, just move out and move forward with the separation, including selling the house if necessary.


Advertisement