Do I have a right to be annoyed?

LegacyUser

I have this friend and we're quite close.. we used to be able to talk to each other about absolutely everything. However lately it's starting to change. If she has anything going on, she tells me about it and I give her advice if I can, because in my eyes that's what friends do. If I need someone to talk to, on the other hand, and mention it to her, the usual response is that she has enough on her plate and can't put up with my stuff. Like recently she was telling me about some issues with her boyfriend and, despite the fact that I was having really worried over something, I listened to her and told her advice. Fast forward maybe two days later and I tell her I'm worried over this thing (it doesn't matter what it was) and her automatic response is to push me aside and dismiss it.

Do I have a right to be annoyed about this, that she is perfectly happy to put her stuff on me but if I try, she dumps it? It's starting to feel like a one-way friendship.

curlzy

That is a one way friendship. Next time she tells you a problem treat it the way she treats your problems, i.e as too much of a bother to deal with. It sounds like she sees you as a bit of a doormat, try behaving like her and if she asks what's up just say that you're behaving like her and ask her how she thinks it feels to be brushed aside the way she does it to you. I'd say she won't enjoy a taste of her own medicine.

gogglebok

I wouldn't play games with this. Have a calm conversation with her when you are both in a good mood, and explain how you feel.

In my experience, the less accusing you sound the easier things will go. If you find yourself saying "You always shut me down", try to rephase it as "I feel like my problems don't matter."

It does sound like a one-way friendship at the moment, but it's still worth saving. She may well see your point instantly, and make the effort to change. Good luck.

bfocusd

I had a mate like that, persistent problems, always about everything in her life, stuff that she allows happen with men mainly!!!

I had a relative thats mid 30's and in ICU we were asked about turning machines off and all that.. It was a major shock to us all, I couldn't eat for 3 weeks, couldn't sleep for months, he's survived, but living after being fully paralyzed to now basic movement, (had a stroke)

She couldn't have cared less, I mentioned it trying to find some reasoning and someone to talk too and she said; this is depressing, guess what, I was out last night and bumped into an x, when I told (the fella)... This was where I hung up..

She's a selfish inhuman b*tch, who expects the world to revolve around her pathetic excuse for a life, mid 40's single mother being used as the club bike, and played by every Nigerian man that needs a place to sleep.. Basically..

Play them at their own game, you will soon realise that they are not worth trying to keep a friendship with, all you'll end up doing is carrying their baggage around in your life

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel. I have one friend who I have been there for a lot over the past 10 years plus. Over the past 12 months she has let me down so many times over different things. I am going to meet her soon and tell her that I am not putting up with been treated like a door mat and unless she makes an effort with me I won't be around when she needs someone like I have been in the past.

Over ten years ago I met one of my friends. I now live over 2 hours away from them.
I know I could ring this person in the middle of the night if I was stuck but they know they could do the same with me. I come off the phone with them and I nearly always feel better as we have a laugh.

Some people expect you to be there for them always but are unwilling to make any effort to be there for you. A text message every few months is not a friendship.