What do i do????

LegacyUser

Ok guys,

Just want to go unreg for this one.

Was seeing a guy for the few couple of months and everything was going brilliant, we werehaving loads of fun, seeing each other a good bit and always calling and texting. Him even more so than me. He chased me for ages and I gave it a go and was so happy I did. He makes me really happy and he says Im perfect for him.
A couple of weeks ago he sent me a text (completely out of the blue)saying something wasnt quite right and he wanted a little space. He said that he didnt know what he wanted and to give him a little space and time.
I agreed even though I was devastated. Think I've completely fallen for him. I told him how i felt and left it at that.
Even though it was REALLY hard, I didnt text him oand I didnt call him. i gave him his space.

But he's started texting me again, asking how i am, how was my week end, how was work, sending me goodnight texts all with x's and o's.

I responded a few times but found it too hard, Im trying not to think about him because it hurts too much.

Why is he doing this when he asked for space??
Im 26, no teenager, I dont want to play games but this is heart breaking.

Rachelmhr

You need to look after number 1!

FAIR PLAY to you for sticking to your guns and not txting him omg I used to find that so hard to do years ago! (learnt my lesson now )

You have 3 choices:

1. Keep txting and casually chatting and see does he bring it up.

2. Ask him outstraight where you both stand. I would think you should ask in a casual way in case he starts feeling pressured!

3. Tell him to JOG ON seeing as he's putting you through this heartbreak of wanting "space" but then texting you??

LegacyUser

Rachelmhr wrote: »

You need to look after number 1!

FAIR PLAY to you for sticking to your guns and not txting him omg I used to find that so hard to do years ago! (learnt my lesson now )

You have 3 choices:

1. Keep txting and casually chatting and see does he bring it up.

2. Ask him outstraight where you both stand. I would think you should ask in a casual way in case he starts feeling pressured!

3. Tell him to JOG ON seeing as he's putting you through this heartbreak of wanting "space" but then texting you??

Thanks rachel,

It's the hardest thing in the world. I can feel my belly lurch up my throat everytime I see his name come up on my phone.

He makes me cry most days.. sometimes because he's texted me again and other times because Im waiting for him to text.

I can't make im out, i dont want to ask himanyhting in case he thinks im invading his space but then at the same time i can't keep going on as I am becuse its heartbreaking!

I feel completely helpless. he's more or less calling the shots and I have to wait until he decides.

Idle Passerby

The bottom line here is that when he got in contact again it wasn't to tell you he's done a lot of thinking and has figured out what he wants. He's only sending out feelers to see if you'll still take the bait. I'd say don't bother responding until he actually has something to say. It was him that wanted space so space you should give him until he has something concrete to offer you.

Ellsbells

Mystifiedgirl wrote: »

he's more or less calling the shots and I have to wait until he decides.

Sentences like this, from a grown woman, really upset me :mad:

Why are you being his puppet? When did you decide to hand over control of your life to someone else???? Grow a spine OP and tell him to sod off. He is just back on to see if he can wangle a FWB relationship out of you. If not, he would have been back with his mind made up.

If a fella is really into you, he doesnt want space in case you are snapped up by another guy while he is off thinking.

Meauldsegosha

Mystifiedgirl wrote: »

I feel completely helpless. he's more or less calling the shots and I have to wait until he decides.

He is only calling the shots if you let him. Ask him straight out what he wants from this relationship. You gave him the space he asked for and then he chose to text you. You are entitled to an explanation as to why he chose to do that. If he won't give an explanation forget about him. Yes it will hurt but you'll get over it.

Missy Moo Moo

Mystifiedgirl wrote: »

Rachelmhr wrote: »

You need to look after number 1!

FAIR PLAY to you for sticking to your guns and not txting him omg I used to find that so hard to do years ago! (learnt my lesson now )

You have 3 choices:

1. Keep txting and casually chatting and see does he bring it up.

2. Ask him outstraight where you both stand. I would think you should ask in a casual way in case he starts feeling pressured!

3. Tell him to JOG ON seeing as he's putting you through this heartbreak of wanting "space" but then texting you??

Thanks rachel,

It's the hardest thing in the world. I can feel my belly lurch up my throat everytime I see his name come up on my phone.

He makes me cry most days.. sometimes because he's texted me again and other times because Im waiting for him to text.

I can't make im out, i dont want to ask himanyhting in case he thinks im invading his space but then at the same time i can't keep going on as I am becuse its heartbreaking!

I feel completely helpless. he's more or less calling the shots and I have to wait until he decides.

Ok so he makes you cry most days and the rest of the post reads like someone who is miserably unhappy with this guy. So the question is, what are you getting out of this? It's black and white OP, get rid! Don't bother replying to his texts or engaging with him. It's not supposed to be this way, a guy should make you feel happy and loved, not make you cry.

shalalala

Organise to meet him somewhere neutral. Sit him down, say "you had your space now what do you want?"

You should get your answer and if he doesn't give you one it is a "no" and he is just too much of a wimp to say it.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies everyone.

I'm taking on board all of what you are saying, hard as it is to read.
I just find it extremely difficult to tell him to "sod of" as it was put, I truly am mad about this guy and it very hard to just switch of feelings and forget about him, especially when it was only a couple of weeks ago that he was telling me how he felt about me and how much he loved having me in his life etc etc.. and making plans for going places and doing things. I'd met his family and friends and he seemed genuinely happy and content with everything and couldnt do enough for me and making sure I was happy to.

Tired of games people play, all i wnat was something simple and easy.

Big Bag of Chips

As you said, you're not a teenager. As a 26 year old woman you should feel comfortable talking about this with him. (I'm assuming he's not a teenager either!?)

So call him/text him whatever, ask to meet him and tell him that you you are not interested in being 'friends' with him, so if that is what he is after it's not for you. If he can't commit to being in a relationship with you then he needs to leave you alone... permanently.

So what if you think you're 'invading his space' by asking this.. He's invading yours by stringing you along. You say he is holding the cards, and you have to wait - no you don't. Take control of your own life, and ask him what you need to know.

What's the worst that can happen - he'll know that you really fancy him and want to be with him? (and you might be slightly embarrassed to lay your feellings honestly out for him) So what! If he turns you down you will be upset for a while, but you will get over it, and you will move on. No different to how upset you are now, the only difference will be, you know where you stand.

So - worst case scenario is you are upset for a while, but know where you stand.

Best case scenario is he realises that he can't string you along and decides he does want a relationships with you.

So either way, you come out of this ok!

Stop pretending like you're not bothered by how he is carrying on.. let him know you are.

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

As you said, you're not a teenager. As a 26 year old woman you should feel comfortable talking about this with him. (I'm assuming he's not a teenager either!?)

So call him/text him whatever, ask to meet him and tell him that you you are not interested in being 'friends' with him, so if that is what he is after it's not for you. If he can't commit to being in a relationship with you then he needs to leave you alone... permanently.

So what if you think you're 'invading his space' by asking this.. He's invading yours by stringing you along. You say he is holding the cards, and you have to wait - no you don't. Take control of your own life, and ask him what you need to know.

What's the worst that can happen - he'll know that you really fancy him and want to be with him? (and you might be slightly embarrassed to lay your feellings honestly out for him) So what! If he turns you down you will be upset for a while, but you will get over it, and you will move on. No different to how upset you are now, the only difference will be, you know where you stand.

So - worst case scenario is you are upset for a while, but know where you stand.

Best case scenario is he realises that he can't string you along and decides he does want a relationships with you.

So either way, you come out of this ok!

Stop pretending like you're not bothered by how he is carrying on.. let him know you are.

Thanks Bag of Chips,

I think your right, nothing could be worse than Im feeling at the moment and maybe if I confront him and get it over with I'll know either way and If he decides that he's happier as he is then I'll know I need to move on.
It's too hard to carry on like this.
Really appreciate your post.

Thanks again!!

Ellsbells

well you can either confront him about it or keep doing what you are doing....

Missy Moo Moo

Mysifiedgirl wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies everyone.

I'm taking on board all of what you are saying, hard as it is to read.
I just find it extremely difficult to tell him to "sod of" as it was put, I truly am mad about this guy and it very hard to just switch of feelings and forget about him, especially when it was only a couple of weeks ago that he was telling me how he felt about me and how much he loved having me in his life etc etc.. and making plans for going places and doing things. I'd met his family and friends and he seemed genuinely happy and content with everything and couldnt do enough for me and making sure I was happy to.

Tired of games people play, all i wnat was something simple and easy.

I know it hurts OP especially when he was saying he loved you and was making plans for the future etc. But always remember, actions speak louder than words. Look at people behave, not what they say, as talk is cheap.

ando

Missy Moo Moo wrote: »

But always remember, actions speak louder than words. Look at people behave, not what they say, as talk is cheap.

Agree with this 100%. Nomatter what he says and how much he "loves having you in his life", if he continues to treat you like the way he is, he is no good for you. You should not be crying at such an early stage of the relationship. Call him, arrange a meeting. Get a yes or not off him, simple as. If he's hemming and hawing I'd recommend you call it a day with him. If he is mad about you as he says he is, he shouldnt be doing this to you. There are people out there that will mess you about, nomatter how legitimate they seem. Drama lovers.. As the above poster says, actions are louder

dannyc31

Ok guys,

Just want to go unreg for this one.

Was seeing a guy for the few couple of months and everything was going brilliant, we werehaving loads of fun, seeing each other a good bit and always calling and texting. Him even more so than me. He chased me for ages and I gave it a go and was so happy I did. He makes me really happy and he says Im perfect for him.
A couple of weeks ago he sent me a text (completely out of the blue)saying something wasnt quite right and he wanted a little space. He said that he didnt know what he wanted and to give him a little space and time.
I agreed even though I was devastated. Think I've completely fallen for him. I told him how i felt and left it at that.
Even though it was REALLY hard, I didnt text him oand I didnt call him. i gave him his space.

But he's started texting me again, asking how i am, how was my week end, how was work, sending me goodnight texts all with x's and o's.

I responded a few times but found it too hard, Im trying not to think about him because it hurts too much.

Why is he doing this when he asked for space??
Im 26, no teenager, I dont want to play games but this is heart breaking

hi OP if i were to read between the lines her i would say that whne this guy texted you "out of the blue" so to speak, it had followed a night were he had cheated on you with another girl. he may have even being seeing her on and off in the period of time that he was not out with you and it may of just went soar. now he is coming running back to you.

you said he chased you for ages, well i can tell you now there are men out there who just basically love the chase. its kinda a control thing and the fact that he has appeared on text again sending you those mind f*ck type texts is part of this control.

as someone above said saying and doing are two very different things so if i were you i wouldnt entertain this guy because there's a good chance he's just a player who is messing you about. let his actions prove otherwise and prepare yourself to move on from this guy if i'm right about his intentions.

Merkin

Mystifiedgirl wrote: »

I feel completely helpless. he's more or less calling the shots and I have to wait until he decides.

No you don't, on the contrary. This guy is not for you, if he was he wouldn't have cooled it off and then come sniffing around again to guage your interest (which is all he is doing).

I've been in your shoes and it is hurtful and bewildering but the best thing you can do for you and for your self-esteem is to decide not to tolerate it. WHO THE F8CK DOES HE THINK HE IS???!!! :eek: You know if he had cooled things off and then initiated contact saying what on earth had he done and there was some grand gesture and he wanted to see you asap and never to let you go again then I might say listen to what he has to say (at a push) but he's only texting you and seeing how your day went in order to keep you on the back burner.

Sounds like he is on an ego trip and/or hedging his bets and/or is involved with someone else and/or is a thoughtless egotist who loves the whole control element. In any event he is showing you close to zilch respect and in the long term you are doing yourself a big favour by empowering yourself to not reply, not ask for an explanation (why on earth would you??) and sensibly file him in the "he's just not worthy" pile. If you let him string you along he will so don't let him, you're better than that. Save your energy who wants to see you and someone who will show you decency and respect - this guy hasn't shown you any of that.

gara

It's like this OP, someone can only call the shots if you let them. You need to take responsibility for your own happiness instead of waiting for someone to hand it to you on a platter. Start communicating what you want from this guy and stop being a passenger in your life