Living with Body Dysmorphic Disorder

LegacyUser

Ok so I've 'had' body dysmorphic disorder since I was 16 or so (maybe earlier) and it's gotten to a stage now that I can barely do anything. Whereas I used to think back then that at least there's a chance it's not as bad as I think, even though I saw ugliness, now I'm 25 and have the appearance of you know those local town people who you went to school with and are hardly recognisable they look so bad. It's almost unbelievable trying to process just how bad I look, and even then that'd be in a darkened room with the blinds closed, I don't know what would happen if I saw myself in normal light...

Miraculously I've held down a job these past 6 months but at the expense of what little sanity I have left. I can't quite put into words how beaten and scared I am, I think any time I try to express even to myself how bad I feel I just hear a voice saying I'm being dramatic.

I wonder is there anyone on here who's experienced this condition? Maybe it's not even a condition and it's just a way for irrelevant people to give themselves some justification for feeling bad. I don't know at all anymore, just don't know.

At this stage I get physical pains in my stomach thinking about childhood, freedom, possibility. I'm pretty far gone now and even this is probably just for some sort of attention (I usually utter about 3 or 4 sentences a day). Life inside me has died and I feel helpless at this stage. It's a claustrophobic, frozen feeling and the worrying thing is it's either make a go of life with something that is unacceptable to me, my appearance or figure out a way to end it that I can bring myself to do - something I feel ashamed to say has been on my mind for a year or so now.

Any advice from people who were truly in another world? Anyone who brought themselves back from a cold dark place? Any words will do...

Taltos

Hi OP

as much as I would like to allow your post to remain open unfortunately I cannot do so.
We are not allow to give/request medical advice on this forum.

Instead all I can do is to encourage you to seek the medical/professional advice you need, your GP would be a good start or if they are not supporting you enough here seek a 2nd or 3rd opinion.

Please also have a look at the following
Forum Charter - links at the end for some agencies/groups who are there to help you - call them please.
There is also the Long Term Illness forum - however like us they also cannot give medical advice as this is a site rule all forums have to follow, but maybe have a read through some of the threads there.