Being financially screwed

LegacyUser

My estranged wife is sucking every last penny out of me while she is sitting on a small fortune. While we still live in the same house, our marriage has been over for years. She never gave a damn about me. All I was to her was a walking money supply. She has an income of a thousand euro a month plus the children's allowance, or about €1,800 in total a month. I get €2,200 into my hand a month of which €1,400 goes on the mortgage. She utterly refuses to contribute towards the mortgage even though she is joint owner. I have to pay all the bills too, pay for food, car insurance, diesel, etc etc etc. I recently discovered that she has €90,000.00 in her post office account. I was livid as I haven't a damn penny to my name, always struggling to pay the bills, haven't had a night out in 18 months etc.

I confronted her about her small fortune and she said it was the children's allowance money that she was saving for when they grew up. All very commendable except for the fact that she's delved into it to fund weekends away for herself and a holiday with her sisters while I and my kids had to sit at home as I'm skint.

My sisters in law (my brothers wives) have said that the children's allowance is for both of us and not hers by right. Is this true? I always thought that it was paid to the woman and therefore men couldn't touch it. I'm not out for revenge or to grab all this cash but jesus knows I'm absolutely broke trying to keep a roof over our heads and she has this huge sum of money that is for her benefit only. Hell, she never even spends it on the kids even though it's the children's allowance.

Sorry for rambling but I'm furious that I and the kids have been struggling for years while this tight b1tch has been storing away all that money for herself.

Can I force her to pay half the mortgage? I've tried in the past but she called my bluff knowing I'd never run the risk of defaulting on the mortgage and having the house repossessed.

January

Not a parenting issue, so moved to Personal Issues.

Abi

Hi OP. I'm sorry to hear that you're under so much financial strain. From my understanding the CB is normally paid out to the mother, unless the children are residing with their father.

You mentioned that your marriage is over a long time, is it because of the children that you remain under the one roof? or perhaps negative equity holding you there? from my perspective, it doesn't look like you're financially better off in the home, what the hell is she spending her non-CB income on??

Just a heads up, on boards, regardless of the forum nobody can offer legal advice of any kind, only information and support. Speaking of which, there is a forum on boards for http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1533 separation and divorce issues, if that is of any use to you.

jellygems

I dont think it healthy u living with your ex, even if u dont speak, or fight. This is an unhealthy environment for your children to grow up in.

Leave the family home and pay whatever the courts deem u have to pay or whatever you think is fair if you can agree without courts. Its not healthy for you either to have resentment towards your x wife.

During a divorce half of that 90k is yours also.

I do speak from experience.

Katy89

tbh, reading your post I have just one question: why do YOU allow that to happen.
why don't you stand up foryourself and make her pay her part?
if there's no special reason you can give, I have to say I have little sympathy for your situation as it's up to you.
do you let all people walk over you like that?

LegacyUser

Apparently, all her income goes into her post office account and I'm left to pick up the tab for everything.

I did leave a few years back but I missed my kids so damn much that I went back. Even when I was out of the house, I was still paying for everything.

As for "letting her walk all over me", what do you suggest? Threaten her (not my style), go through the courts and let blood sucking lawyers take most of what we jointly have?, sell the house and clear the mortgage and with the €30,000 left (I estimate), where will my children live? I have asked her to contribute towards the mortgage and bills but she ignores me. I have thought of trying to get some court order making her pay half the bills but I can't afford the legal costs.

I feel so damned trapped because I adore my kids and will do anything for them. Their mother looks after herself first and foremost, her bloody sisters second and the kids, well they are a distant third. I can't afford to move out and set up home elsewhere and I won't contemplate having my kids lose their home following what I know would be a very nasty separation battle.

Fact is, she is sitting on a fortune, mostly made up of the children's allowance. Surely there is someway to make her contribute towards the bills? That way I'd have some spare cash to spend on my kids.

edellc

the cb is not yours nor is it your wife's ITS FOR YOUR KIDS and no you cannot get your hands on it

as for the way you let the financial situation work in your home, well that is your own fault. you need to stand up for yourself, so you threatened it before and dont want to default on your mortgage I would just for one month to call her bluff. you can make her contribute towards the mortgage its called having a grown up conversation and making a new arrangement to go with your current situation

I really dont see why you are still living there if your marriage is over surely its healthier for the children not to be around two people who no longer can stand to be in the same room

Abi

DKLSOR wrote: »

Apparently, all her income goes into her post office account and I'm left to pick up the tab for everything.

I did leave a few years back but I missed my kids so damn much that I went back. Even when I was out of the house, I was still paying for everything.

As for "letting her walk all over me", what do you suggest? Threaten her (not my style), go through the courts and let blood sucking lawyers take most of what we jointly have?, sell the house and clear the mortgage and with the €30,000 left (I estimate), where will my children live? I have asked her to contribute towards the mortgage and bills but she ignores me. I have thought of trying to get some court order making her pay half the bills but I can't afford the legal costs.

I feel so damned trapped because I adore my kids and will do anything for them. Their mother looks after herself first and foremost, her bloody sisters second and the kids, well they are a distant third. I can't afford to move out and set up home elsewhere and I won't contemplate having my kids lose their home following what I know would be a very nasty separation battle.

Fact is, she is sitting on a fortune, mostly made up of the children's allowance. Surely there is someway to make her contribute towards the bills? That way I'd have some spare cash to spend on my kids.

You need legal advice, and now.


A free consultation is available, get to your local citizens advice ASAP as the visiting solicitor comes by every couple of weeks.

She's having her cake and eating it, deal with this now.

snafuk35

Sorry mate but you made your bed and you are lying in it.
If you can't leave for the sake of your kids and you can't go through the courts then there is nothing you can do about it.
You should have noticed she was a selfish cow when you were dating her years ago before you married her and before you had kids with her.
It's too late now.
You are stuck with her now until the kids grow up and move out and get jobs and houses of their own.
Then you can leave.