Need lots of advice.....

lolly175

Hi guys,

Im hoping some of you can help with some wedding advice please.

Basically my other half and I have decided to go for a very small low key wedding (we are starting fertility treatment so money is super tight but we are keeping this to ourselves), we had planned the big wedding but have since cancelled that and not told anyone yet. We have also changed date/location. I just cant face planning a big wedding as im not living in Donegal nor can we afford to.

We are planning on a civil ceremony in Donegal and are looking at the M**nt Er****al hotel in letterkenny for a small civil ceremony for immediate family and a sit down meal with them after. The plan then is to have a big party that night and ask all our family and frends, many of whom will be travelling from England, Dublin and other counties.

So.....to my questions:)

*Is it too much to ask people to travel for essentially only a party with a buffet and not sit down meal? Although we had a party for my parents anniversary last year and people travelled and i have gone to friends/family important birthdays etc that were party only and no sit down meal.

*To keep costs down we were going to go with a dj for the night only, would this be ok and can anyone recommend any donegal dj's? The one we wanted (J Bos**) is already booked but have got a quote off smenter****ments - does anyone know if they are any good? Another name i heard is Hugh Coy** aka Mr Wild??

* The venue we have in mind, i have been told is not great for civil ceremonies as they tend to leave the bride to it and dont offer any help on the day, i have been told that on a few occasions the registrar had to have a word with the hotel staff. Any feedback on this venue?

* Is there anything else, cheap but fun and interesting we could offer our guests to show we appreciate their coming to the evening only? I would love a free bar, champagne etc - we couldnt afford to do this. We will get the best buffet we can though.


* Should we send save the date cards and let people know (and what would we even say) that it is only an evening/buffet invite. Also dont want people thinking they are the only ones getting this invite and others are getting a full day one so wording is important that everyone knows what we are doing.

Thanks for reading, i really appreciate any feedback at all

Lolly

clint_silver

*Is it too much to ask people to travel for essentially only a party with a buffet and not sit down meal? Although we had a party for my parents anniversary last year and people travelled and i have gone to friends/family important birthdays etc that were party only and no sit down meal.

Its not too much to ask, people like to get invites to things, its your wedding, therell be food and drink and music. Let them know the format and its up to them after that. If they want to go, theyll go, the format of the night has nothing to do with it.

*To keep costs down we were going to go with a dj for the night only, would this be ok and can anyone recommend any donegal dj's? The one we wanted (J Bos**) is already booked but have got a quote off smenter****ments - does anyone know if they are any good? Another name i heard is Hugh Coy** aka Mr Wild??

Perfectly acceptable to go with all night DJ and in fact if youre on a budget is the better method. Youre allowed name people btw. Go and view the guy, discuss the music with him and see what is thoughts are. if he's local then he should have a bank of good music that works in the area.

* The venue we have in mind, i have been told is not great for civil ceremonies as they tend to leave the bride to it and dont offer any help on the day, i have been told that on a few occasions the registrar had to have a word with the hotel staff. Any feedback on this venue?

Well, you sort it out yourself then. Someone once may have had a bad experience and this is what youve heard but if you address any misgivings with the hotel in question (which youve left it very obvious which one it is). Have any misgivings on a sheet of paper. discuss them with the hotel, remind them of it the day before. Become a bridezilla on that one.

* Is there anything else, cheap but fun and interesting we could offer our guests to show we appreciate their coming to the evening only? I would love a free bar, champagne etc - we couldnt afford to do this. We will get the best buffet we can though.

search this forum for fun weddings, there was a great thread a couple of weeks ago about all the things you can do to make your wedding fun on little or no budget..

* Should we send save the date cards and let people know (and what would we even say) that it is only an evening/buffet invite. Also dont want people thinking they are the only ones getting this invite and others are getting a full day one so wording is important that everyone knows what we are doing.

I would say yes to this. make it known that the night itself is all thats happening, if anyone is unsure of what that means, theyll contact you.

Emcm

Hi Lolly

Firstly congratulations on the big event and try and enjoy this time as much as you can as it goes by in a flash!

I too had a civil ceremony for family I had it at 3.30 pm and afterwards we just had a drinks reception and then at 5.30pm the rest of the guests arrived and I worded the invite evening reception so by this and by word of mouth everybody knew they were getting fed and the actual wedding was private. My guests did have a sit down meal but Buffets are so nice nowadays people will still get their full meal and will be delighted to travel for your special day so do not worry about that. If u did a timeline like ours you wouldn't need to provide a separate sit down meal for your family ( just an idea to cut costs)

A Dj is perfect lots of people just have Djs can't give you any tips though as I am not from Donegal area!

As regards the hotel and civil reception our hotel did pretty much leave it to us also and I actually didnt mind too much. They did the basics set up the tables chairs etc but I organised with the florist and singers where I wanted what.

If you you have a good relationship with registrar you can organise all between you with a couple of emails. I emailed her an order of service including poems songs candle lighting ceremony and she ok it all. As long as no religious content you can pretty much do what you want ours was lovely and intimate and everybody commented on how nice it was.

You can add alot of personal touches to your wedding maybe slideshows of old family,school photos nights out with your friends it will all add a bit of craic for your guests.

Best of luck and enjoy!

killerbeg

To address the overall concern that invitees may feel duped or underwhelmed by the nature of the wedding, you could easily counteract this by specifically saying that guests should not give wedding gifts. Wedding gifts are often seen as a 'payment in kind' for the expense of providing a lavish reception.

lolly175

Guys thanks so much for the advice. Yeah wouldnt want guest giving us wedding presents at all - hope it not too cheeky saying that with the invites!! But once they go to the bother of attending that all we want.

Emcm, i was thinking of a family sit down meal as it would be nice for our familes to get to know each other a bit better. We are playing on starting the evening bit at 7ish so we can say hi to everyone and the dj would start at 8. Also as its on a friday i was thinking people wouldnt have to take a full day off work if we get started around 7.

Clint, thanks for the reassurance that people wont mind travelling for just an evening function. Will defo have a word with the venue though about my concerns.

If anyone had any suggestions for dj etc please let me know:)

lowly26

if your looking for something fun and cheap you could go for a candy table at the wedding, im thinking on doin the same. you get lots of sweets and stuff in big jars and guests can fill up bag s which they provide, lots of old time sweets to so it brings ppl back to their childhood. i think they are only bout 100€ .

or save money and go to the local shops and buy loads of penny sweets and stick em in jam jars with ribbions round the top on the table to save more costs !!

there are loads of little ideas like that out there that just give a personal fun feeling to the day with out cause in major hassle and expense,

as for extented family goin to your wedding only for the night, my brother had his wedding the very same as yours family only at wedding and meal then a big party after, no one complained and the place was packed out!!

its your day, do everything your way!! remember there will always be some one unhappy but the important thing is you and your partners happiness!!

lolly175

Thanks Lowly, yeah i really hope our wedding works out like your brothers did!!

movingsucks

Hi, just to note, I travelled across thr Atlantic for wedding in the US last year.
It was a civil ceremony in a gorgeous setting with no alcolhol, buffet food and a string quartet, it lasted from about 12-4 and that was that.
I and the other guests who travelled had a wonderful time, it was so worth it to be there because we loved the couple and we wanted to share their day even if it was a different type of affair that we were used to.

I know that sounds mushy but its true. You'll always get people you can't come for whatever reason (doesn't mean they don't love ya!) so have the wedding you want/can afford and I'm sure it will be wonderful

lolly175

movingsucks, thanks for your post. I would do the same but i was just a bit worried about askinf people to go to a lot of expense. We will make sure people know we really want them there but will of course understand if they cant make it

Bid08

people will not have any problems with travelling for your wedding, its a celebration at the end of the day

congrats and best of luck with the fertility treatment

lolly175

Thanks Bid08

stinkle

Wouldn't have a prob at all, we were invited to the afters of a good few mates weddings recently. One couple aren't Irish so had millions of people travelling from abroad, and one half of another couple was out of work so they weren't having a big bash. As a guest it was lovely to be part of their days, the friends all appreciated us going, and we had lots of fun. Most people are very understanding and will just want to go to any part of your day! Hope it all works out with the wedding and fertility treatment

lolly175

Hey Stinkle, thanks a mill for your reply.

I am defo more relax about just having the evening party now since i posted here:)

mums little helpers

Dont worry at all about inviting people to evening do only.......thats what my hubby and I done almost 10 yrs ago............We had a small no during the day (16) and huge party in the hotel at night.........all the guests really enjoyed it and partied into the early hours.

As for hotel you mentioned, I am from l/kenny originally and havent heard anything bad about the hotel you mentioned, was at a few weddings there myself really enjoyed it.

Regarding dj.......did u get sorted, we had a local man down there, he's retired now but his brother also djs and is v. reasonable. pm me if you want his name

lolly175

Mums little Helper,

thanks for your message. I think i will go and have a look at the Errigal and see what kind of feel i get. Also going to look at Keys, which i am more sold on at the mo.

We are sorted with a dj now but thanks for the offer