Parents abandoning their kids

hairyprincess

My daughters dad doesn't have any contact with her. Every few months I will text him a picture of her, I never get a reply, however I do it to keep the door open. I want him to know that he can always be her father.

Last week I sent a picture and requested a delivery report on the phone, which I hadn't done for the previous pictures. I never got a report so I decided to ring his voicemail to see was his number still active. It appears he has blocked my number. It has been nine years since he has seen his daughter.

This thread is not about male bashing. I don't hate my ex for what he is doing. I feel pity for him. He will some day have to face the wrath of his daughter, and he will have to live with his conscience. Me being angry at him isn't going to make a blind bit of difference.

But, I decided to post this here as AH is predominately young men; I want to appeal to them not to reject their children, future or otherwise. It's not just you that you have to think about. You are doing untold lasting damage to your own child. So if any of you have kids that you don't see for whatever reason, make it your business to pick up the phone and be a parent to your child (this goes for the mammies too! I'm not solely picking on men!). Don't put it on the long finger any longer.

eth0

Write his number on the jacks door in college

Gee Bag

He sounds like an utter cvnt.

B.A._Baracus

If in the event I have a kid and sadly the relationship breaks down... I wouldnt abandon the child. Its just wrong.

Even if it was such a horrible and hurtful ending. I would still be there for the child. Being honest, I wouldnt give a toss about the mother of my children in this example tho and thats the thing. You can give them a wide-berth as best as possible but still try to be a father.


But of course, not having kids and not being in that situation. I guess... I dont really have a right to state what I "would do"

dodderangler

I am with the mother of my child
Absolute beautiful little girl and if anything happened that we split up I wouldn't be able to go a day without seein her and I'd fight till the death to see her everyday
You've never stopped him seein your child and there's fellas out there fighting for their child
He's a Cnut and doesn't deserve to be called a father
That's my opinion anyway as a father myself

R0ot

Have 2 kids (daughters, god help me) with my girlfriend whom I had only known 5 months when we found out we were expecting our first (8-9months later of course).

No plans to get married yet, couldn't even think of what it would be like without my kids. If for whatever reason we did break up / leave each other I wouldn't be able to give up seeing my kids.

I've heard of plenty of relationships where the woman leaves and wants nothing to do with the kids, in my kind of situation that would mean I'd still have no easy access to them and would still have to file for guardianship (marriage is the only recognised way to have this).

ahnowbrowncow

Maybe children are better off without parents like that in their lives. They're obviously not a good role model and it can confuse and hurt children seeing their estranged parent once a year or so.

Trying to put a positive spin on things

CreepingDeath

If he wasn't ready/willing/mature enough to be a father, then he should've known a bit more about contraception.

Pherekydes

hairyprincess wrote: »

My daughters dad doesn't have any contact with her. Every few months I will text him a picture of her, I never get a reply, however I do it to keep the door open. I want him to know that he can always be her father.

Fair play to you for making the attempt. When my first wife left I made no attempt to maintain any relationship between her and our kids. In my opinion, they were better off with a clean break. In my opinion, they adapted better and quicker and happier to their "new" mum, when she came along. There was less emotional back-and-forth dragging. They have always called their step-mother mum or mammy or whatever. Some people are just incapable of functioning as parents. They are just sperm or egg donors.

1ZRed

What a dickhead. No matter what happens between you and your partner, it is never the child's fault.

I think it's just heartless to up sticks and abandon your own child. Where's the responsibility or even some basic love in that?

racso1975

It does really piss me off as a male knowing that if my relationship breaks down tomorrow some court that does not know me from Adam will 99.9999% award custody to my wife..............even though i am a stay at home dad.

Just giving birth does not make you a better parent.

By the way op it sounds like in this instance your daughter may be better off. he sounds like a total dic head and fairplay to ya for keeping that door open. it says an awful lot about you as a person and even more as a mother

steddyeddy

hairyprincess wrote: »

My daughters dad doesn't have any contact with her. Every few months I will text him a picture of her, I never get a reply, however I do it to keep the door open. I want him to know that he can always be her father.

Last week I sent a picture and requested a delivery report on the phone, which I hadn't done for the previous pictures. I never got a report so I decided to ring his voicemail to see was his number still active. It appears he has blocked my number. It has been nine years since he has seen his daughter.

This thread is not about male bashing. I don't hate my ex for what he is doing. I feel pity for him. He will some day have to face the wrath of his daughter, and he will have to live with his conscience. Me being angry at him isn't going to make a blind bit of difference.

But, I decided to post this here as AH is predominately young men; I want to appeal to them not to reject their children, future or otherwise. It's not just you that you have to think about. You are doing untold lasting damage to your own child. So if any of you have kids that you don't see for whatever reason, make it your business to pick up the phone and be a parent to your child (this goes for the mammies too! I'm not solely picking on men!). Don't put it on the long finger any longer.

I never would hairyprincess. A girl I was with before thought she was pregnant and I was sh1tting it but I would have delayed my career to look after the child. It turns out she wasnt pregnant in the end when she got tested but the point remains I would never abandon a child. Im sorry if this offends anyone but if anyone abandons their child they need to grow a pair of testicles and be a real man. The same goes for women who abandon children.

wonderfullife

hairyprincess wrote: »

My daughters dad doesn't have any contact with her. Every few months I will text him a picture of her, I never get a reply, however I do it to keep the door open. I want him to know that he can always be her father.

Last week I sent a picture and requested a delivery report on the phone, which I hadn't done for the previous pictures. I never got a report so I decided to ring his voicemail to see was his number still active. It appears he has blocked my number. It has been nine years since he has seen his daughter.

This thread is not about male bashing. I don't hate my ex for what he is doing. I feel pity for him. He will some day have to face the wrath of his daughter, and he will have to live with his conscience. Me being angry at him isn't going to make a blind bit of difference.

But, I decided to post this here as AH is predominately young men; I want to appeal to them not to reject their children, future or otherwise. It's not just you that you have to think about. You are doing untold lasting damage to your own child. So if any of you have kids that you don't see for whatever reason, make it your business to pick up the phone and be a parent to your child (this goes for the mammies too! I'm not solely picking on men!). Don't put it on the long finger any longer.

I find it sad that so many genuine fathers fight so hard worldwide for fathers-rights then you have clowns like your ex who don't give a rats ass about their kids!!

As for facing your "daughters wrath" high probability a) he won't care and b) she won't either. As sad as it is, you can't force a parent to stay in contact with their kids. Maintenance yeah but you can't make him want to be part of her life and if he doesn't want to then you're better off. Need positive influences around kids.

Witchie

Hairyprincess I salute you. As a mum in a similarish situation I have to agree.

It seems it can be too easy for a father to walk away but they are the ones who are losing out. I am scared of the day when my boy's confront their dad about his neglect throughout the years.

steddyeddy

hairyprincess wrote: »

My daughters dad doesn't have any contact with her. Every few months I will text him a picture of her, I never get a reply, however I do it to keep the door open. I want him to know that he can always be her father.

Last week I sent a picture and requested a delivery report on the phone, which I hadn't done for the previous pictures. I never got a report so I decided to ring his voicemail to see was his number still active. It appears he has blocked my number. It has been nine years since he has seen his daughter.

This thread is not about male bashing. I don't hate my ex for what he is doing. I feel pity for him. He will some day have to face the wrath of his daughter, and he will have to live with his conscience. Me being angry at him isn't going to make a blind bit of difference.

But, I decided to post this here as AH is predominately young men; I want to appeal to them not to reject their children, future or otherwise. It's not just you that you have to think about. You are doing untold lasting damage to your own child. So if any of you have kids that you don't see for whatever reason, make it your business to pick up the phone and be a parent to your child (this goes for the mammies too! I'm not solely picking on men!). Don't put it on the long finger any longer.

Well done for making the effort Hairyprincess I have confidence that your daughter will grow up to be a happy woman with a good parent like yourself. You tried your best and maybe one day he will come to his senses. I do agree with you that he will face your daughters wrath in the future years. As mine did with me. People dont get away with crap like that.

NegativeCreep

As much as I don't want kids, if I was to have one, there is not a hope in hell I would abandon him/her. I have nieces and nephews and the sense of pride I feel when I teach them something or when I see them going off to school is unbelievable. Imagine if it was my own child? I couldn't do it to myself or the child. Also, imagine how the parents who CAN'T see their child feel. It's one of the sadder topics of discussion.

steddyeddy

Witchie wrote: »

Hairyprincess I salute you. As a mum in a similarish situation I have to agree.

It seems it can be too easy for a father to walk away but they are the ones who are losing out. I am scared of the day when my boy's confront their dad about his neglect throughout the years.

As someone who confronted his father as your boys might the only advice I can give would be hide when it happens it aint a pretty sight!. Hell had no fury like a child scorned to paraphrase!

robman60

It never ceases to amaze me how so many people will take the "easy" route and simply abandon their children.

It's clear people like your ex are simply sperm donors, not parents. All I can say is some day he'll probably realise the error of his ways...

bobin fudge

maybe he is dead or somthing?

B.A._Baracus

NegativeCreep wrote: »

As much as I don't want kids, if I was to have one, there is not a hope in hell I would abandon him/her. I have nieces and nephews and the sense of pride I feel when I teach them something or when I see them going off to school is unbelievable. Imagine if it was my own child? I couldn't do it to myself or the child. Also, imagine how the parents who CAN'T see their child feel. It's one of the sadder topics of discussion.

I'm testing out my new powers of deduction :pac: Bear with me :P
You are only 16/17 right? :P

admiralofthefleet

my father deserted us when i was 8, it left a lot of damage behind and he has missed out on a lot. he has 4 grandchildren he desnt know anything about and wont
i became a dad nearly 11 months ago and will under no circumstances do as he did. i would rather lose my sight/hearing than abandon my son and wife.

NegativeCreep

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

NegativeCreep wrote: »

As much as I don't want kids, if I was to have one, there is not a hope in hell I would abandon him/her. I have nieces and nephews and the sense of pride I feel when I teach them something or when I see them going off to school is unbelievable. Imagine if it was my own child? I couldn't do it to myself or the child. Also, imagine how the parents who CAN'T see their child feel. It's one of the sadder topics of discussion.

I'm testing out my new powers of deduction :pac: Bear with me :P
You are only 16/17 right? :P

Just out, 18

wonderfullife

NegativeCreep wrote: »

As much as I don't want kids, if I was to have one, there is not a hope in hell I would abandon him/her. I have nieces and nephews and the sense of pride I feel when I teach them something or when I see them going off to school is unbelievable. Imagine if it was my own child? I couldn't do it to myself or the child. Also, imagine how the parents who CAN'T see their child feel. It's one of the sadder topics of discussion.

Just one little thing on this discussion - my dad left when i was 9. Left the country. Saw him now and then for years. Grew up thinking he didn't care enough about us or just hated my mam and wanted to leave. Turns out he suffered badly with clinical depression, lost his sister to suicide and had a breakdown and tried to spare us all that. Have a great relationship with him now. It's not ALWAYS clear-cut and sometimes people have reasons for doing things.

But yeah equally for every case like mine, you probably have a lot who just move on find a new woman and want a new life with them minus any "baggage". Or just don't want the commitment! I know a few single mams and their ex's just take the kid and dump them off on his parents to mind while he does feck all!! Anyway Kids and humans are pretty resilient creatures - so OP you'll be fine

B.A._Baracus

NegativeCreep wrote: »

Just out, 18

Please excuse me, I must now go fourth and fight crimes with my powers of drunken boards random guessing deduction. :pac:

yayaitsme

In a similar situation as Hairyprincess, and I think its great to try and keep some form of contact. My ex though has said contact with my girl would cause problems for his new wife and kids amongst other things.

LoonyLovegood

If I ever have a child, and the father and I split up, he will ALWAYS be welcome in that child's life, as long as he's not abusive or whatever. But I'd do my damnedest to keep them in some sort of relationship. It's not fair on either to not have it.

Smidge

A friend of mine split with the father of her child when the child was 2.
He wouldn't work etc and she got fed up carrying him while working and looking after a young child.

He had very little interest in the child while he was at home and none once he was out of the house.
He disappointed this child so many times over the years(not turning up to collect the child when he had promised, no birthday cards, no presents at xmas, nothing).
The mother tried to cover for him as best as she could while the child was young, even though he sickened my friend to her stomach on account of his behaviour.
As the child got older she could no longer pretend that "his car had broken down,again" etc.
He broke that child's heart on so many occasions that I have no idea how my friend coped(and didn't wring his scrawny neck for being a feckless good for nothing).
So sometimes a "half-hearted" parent is worse than an absent one imo.

Smidge

yayaitsme wrote: »

In a similar situation as Hairyprincess, and I think its great to try and keep some form of contact. My ex though has said contact with my girl would cause problems for his new wife and kids amongst other things.

I hope you don't take offence but what a c0ck.
His daughter is just as important as his "new" family.

TrixIrl

K, here comes the know-it-all, been there before response (sorry). My parents separated when I was 7 and it turned into be a terrible divorce. I can honestly say the guts of 20 years on that the only reason my father insisted on seeing us was that he felt if he was paying for maintenance he should damn well get what he was paying for.

For a long time I really resented my mother for making us spend weekends with him, from a selfish point of view it meant no time for friends or birthday parties or just hanging out at home. And, as is well documented through my other rambling posts, it was certainly not the happiest of times seeing him.

Now, Im in the situation, where his deteriorating health and me being the eldest has put me in a position of health care manager for this man. Although I know that he was never anything but a negative influence on my life and although I do understand my mothers good intentions in forcing us to see him , I come to the realasation that me, my mother and my siblings would all have been vastly better off by not continuing a toxic relationship with my father.

I know that this is a very different situation, but I am asking you to consider whether your children are better with one amazing parent (that would be you ) or a stressed out parent worrying about their ex and a dad that just doesnt give a ****.

Its hard being a child of a "broken home" and Id wager its just as hard being the mother of that child. But, you know that you want the best for your kids no matter what... so please, choose you and the kids... not a you, the kids and a prick. You're efforts in keeping him in the loop and admirable but if he's not man enough to step up and be a dad then he doesnt deserve them. Maybe things will change but he needs to change on his own first. Fair play to you for being awesome tho! (and sorry for rambling...again!)

Cee-Jay-Cee

Your dead right to feel as you do. It's his loss and maybe someday he will realise what an utter prick he's been and be wrecked with guilt for ever more.

I love my two wee girls more than anything else in this world. I don't think I could function If they weren't part of my life.

He has no idea what he's missing.

BTW how do you know he has blocked your number? I didn't think that was actually possible to do in Ireland as I tried to get it done with both Vodafone and O2 and was told they didn't offer that service. Maybe his number us simply no linger in use as he changed it or something?

KKkitty

When I found out I was pregnant with my oldest I told the "dad" and he never asked how I was feeling but that he hoped since it was my first pregnancy I'd have a miscarriage since I wouldn't have an abortion. My oldest has never seen his real dad and won't either. My fiance has been there for the potty training, the falls, the tantrums and everything a parent should be there for. My fiance even said he wanted my son to call him dad so he'd have a proper family unit. It's not always about who was there when conception occurred but who wants to be there for the child and will love the child as their own.

cheap flagstones

hairyprincess wrote: »

My daughters dad doesn't have any contact with her. Every few months I will text him a picture of her, I never get a reply, however I do it to keep the door open. I want him to know that he can always be her father.

Last week I sent a picture and requested a delivery report on the phone, which I hadn't done for the previous pictures. I never got a report so I decided to ring his voicemail to see was his number still active. It appears he has blocked my number. It has been nine years since he has seen his daughter.

This thread is not about male bashing. I don't hate my ex for what he is doing. I feel pity for him. He will some day have to face the wrath of his daughter, and he will have to live with his conscience. Me being angry at him isn't going to make a blind bit of difference.

But, I decided to post this here as AH is predominately young men; I want to appeal to them not to reject their children, future or otherwise. It's not just you that you have to think about. You are doing untold lasting damage to your own child. So if any of you have kids that you don't see for whatever reason, make it your business to pick up the phone and be a parent to your child (this goes for the mammies too! I'm not solely picking on men!). Don't put it on the long finger any longer.

Hairyprincess - if it is not too private of a question to ask, but was there any reason as to why he left? i.e was he ill, was there a bad court outcome, did he emigrate?

Giselle

TrixIrl wrote: »

I come to the realasation that me, my mother and my siblings would all have been vastly better off by not continuing a toxic relationship with my father.

I know that this is a very different situation, but I am asking you to consider whether your children are better with one amazing parent (that would be you ) or a stressed out parent worrying about their ex and a dad that just doesnt give a ****.

I'm really sorry it worked out like this for you, that's very sad.

Its possible your mum (or other mums in similar situations) had no choice but to send you off with your dad, if he had court-ordered visitation rights.

Its also likely that *some* dads would use a mum not wanting to send unwilling kids to spend time with a dad they aren't connected with, as a reason to stop payments and make life harder.

Its a tricky balance between the rights of the dads and the rights of the kids, and from the outside it would probably just be seen as the mum being obstructive.

token101

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

I'm testing out my new powers of deduction :pac: Bear with me :P
You are only 16/17 right? :P

I'm 26 and I don't want kids for the foreseeable future.

B.A._Baracus

token101 wrote: »

I'm 26 and I don't want kids for the foreseeable future.

May I use my powers of drunken boards random guessing deduction on you? :pac::P

token101

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

May I use my powers of drunken boards random guessing deduction on you? :pac::P

Off you go

mikom

hairyprincess wrote: »

Don't put it on the long finger any longer.

Put it on the willy instead.

B.A._Baracus

token101 wrote: »

Off you go

You are not ready for kids. Your current frame of mind is to live your life. Explore the world. Get started at making good money if you can. This time in your life is about you.

1ZRed

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

You are not ready for kids. Your current frame of mind is to live your life. Explore the world. Get started at making good money if you can. This time in your life is about you.

Go on gypsy. Me next!

B.A._Baracus

1ZRed wrote: »

Go on gypsy. Me next!

You sure?
I'm quite good at this :pac: ....... lol.

1ZRed

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

You sure?
I'm quite good at this :pac: ....... lol.

What kind of gypsy double takes to make sure if you're sure...

I'm starting to doubt you're legit now but I'll let you prove it to me anyway.. :pac:

B.A._Baracus

1ZRed wrote: »

What kind of gypsy double takes to make sure if you're sure...

I'm starting to doubt you're legit now but I'll let you prove it to me anyway.. :pac:

oh.... oh..... oh ..... :pac:
You asked for it :pac:

You are an 18-20 year old man.
Your sexuality is .... in between if you get me
You have an issue with the church ... But also do not believe in god
You seem to be a good man. Of good moral choice and charistics.


Am I wrong? :pac:

1ZRed

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

oh.... oh..... oh ..... :pac:
You asked for it :pac:

You are an 18-20 year old man.
Your sexuality is .... in between if you get me
You have an issue with the church ... But also do not believe in god
You seem to be a good man. Of good moral choice and charistics.


Am I wrong? :pac:

If only the real gypsies could go through the user profiles like you can!

The last bit might be debatable... Depends on how strong the horn is tbh :pac:

B.A._Baracus

1ZRed wrote: »

If only the real gypsies could go through the user profiles like you can!

The last bit might be debatable... Depends on how strong the horn is tbh :pac:

You caught me
... :pac:

1ZRed

B.A._Baracus wrote: »

Am I wrong? :pac:

Alright, now I'll take a shot at you and put my own gypsy skills to the test.

You're a 25-26 year old man.
Currently single but have your eye on somebody.

Unhappy with work but something big and unexpected will come up.

You will eventually have a child out of wedlock. It will be scandalous.. you slut

But you will find a Pilipino ladyboy who is not desperate to get a citizenship and will not pretend to love you for all your worth and accept your baggage, because let's face it who else would?

Anyway, you will think you're happy. you've never been happy before so you'll believe whatever I tell you.

On your Hindu honeymoon (you will convert to Hinduism because you realise you have a deep rooted liking of cows) you will travel through southern China, why not.
I predict an earthquake up in here, but before that, you will get into a huge argument with your wife and will storm off into the nearest red light district.

Among the confusion in the crowded street and a after a very questionable fuck with a one legged street walker (let's face it, that doesn't do any favours for either head) you learn that Apple has stollen your wife and is now forced to work in an iPad factory, while your baby was ambushed by horny pandas and is now held captive in a bamboo temple.

You will be faced with a dilemma. You must choose one and time is running out (I stuck a time limit on it because otherwise that would be less interesting. It seems to work for movies)
Will you save your wive and hope for an employee discount on refurbished iPad 1s or will you rescue your baby from the panda gaurded bamboo temple? Gummy Panda is their leader btw and I know what you're going to be thinking. Why go after the baby? but it's worth like 10k on the black market or something. I forget the prices again but you get the idea. Anyway this is starting to trail off a bit and lose some of its dramatic atmosphere

But there's still some hope,

Samsung will have your back and you will get your wife back BUT you will no longer get an employee discount on refurbished iPads.

If you pray to one of those cow gods, King of Moo will appear and offer to resue your baby BUT he will not cure your AIDS (that was actually going to be a surprise later on but fcuk it, ya know now)

Now you still can't have both so don't be a greedy bastard thinking you can. Because you can't!
And time is ticking.

Bar that man, you'll have pretty handy life yourself. Working 9-5, mass on Sunday's, the odd game of golf here and there. Yanno, pretty ordinary stuff.

C'mon, I'm pretty much on the ball amn't I? :pac:

hdowney

I am a child (*snigger* - I'm 27!!!!) of a one parent (mother) household and have been since I was six months old. I know who my father is, I know where he lives etc etc and I can honestly say, knowing what I do know about him I am glad he didn't want to bother with me, cos I can't say I'd want to bother with him. He certainly seems the type to only bother when there is something in it for him and I ain't givin him anything. He is a sneaky, thievin, drinks too much (at least he used to) waste of space and I am quite happy to have been raised up by my mother. I don't know what having a father is like, but a father is so much more than a sperm donor, which is all I would class this man as. Without him I wouldn't be alive, but that is all he has contributed to the situation and all I want him to contribute.

Irishcrx

Growing up without a father can be very difficult but unfortunatly it's a case for a lot of kids these days. But it can shape kids for better or for worst , I grew up without knowing my father (Left me when I was 2) and my mother was a severe alcholic so she was barely around maybe once a month if she could manage it, mostly not though so I was in between houses and relitives all the time. Definatly effected me when I was younger and as I became a teenager I had a lot of pent up aggression and anger, seeing others grow up with their 'real' family around them used to hurt.

But as I hit my twenties I realised it just didn't matter anymore , it was done and I was my own person who could stand on my own two feet , like I always had done. My friends were my family and I was closer to them than I had ever been to my actual family. I met my Dad when I was 21 , I decided if this was going to make anything for me I had to let the past go , to be fair he's a decent man and has a family of his own now he had his reasons for walking , not that it excuses it and we get on ok now but were very differant people.


I'm about to have my first child in the next two month's with my girlfriend and I cannot wait to be a Dad , to do all the things with my Son that I never had the opportunity to do when I was young , I'll never leave him , never make excuses , never walk out I'd do anything for him and I know all this without even have of met him yet.

cloud493

My dad was, as you'd see from my other posts, an utter ****. And I'd have been better without him. But my little sister hasn't had one, and while I don't miss him, I wish he'd been man enough to be a dad to her. Since I do most if not all the parenting of her now, I know I'd never leave her.

Bad dads :mad:

emzolita

my "father" left me and me sister 15 years ago, after being married to me ma and all.
I really don't hate him, I feel nothing towards him.(him and his family only lives 1.5 miles away from me)
OP, i think you should close the door now, you have tried enough, and he's clearly self obsessed.
I doubt your child will even care that much when it's older, as the father has had no bad influence on them. If you're a great mam, that's better than most kids have.

pickarooney

yayaitsme wrote: »

In a similar situation as Hairyprincess, and I think its great to try and keep some form of contact. My ex though has said contact with my girl would cause problems for his new wife and kids amongst other things.

I think this is the worst thing a parent can do (besides maybe selling your child into prostitution). It's straight up saying that the new kids (and wife) are more important. It must destroy a child to know that.

enda1

This is not directed at the OP cause I don't know the exact circumstances, but in the following hypothetical situations, I see no problem with the male's actions:

If a man is to meet a woman for a one night stand and she falls pregnant, he should have no qualms in not recognising the child as his, nor in paying anything (emotional or physical) towards it.

If a man is to be in a relationship which breaks up for whatever reason and there was no plan to have a child, then likewise.

So I believe (and expect to be in the vast minority here) that the male should not always be vilified for not recognising a child and playing no part in their life.