Am I MAD????

LegacyUser

Hi all, Going unreg for this one. I hope someone can tell me I'm not mad?!!

I met THEE greatest girl 2 months ago. I had seen her before and said hello and she had been on my mind ever since. I got talking to her one day due to a mutual friend and we instantly clicked. She ticks all the right boxes, gorgeous, funny, confident, smart, sweet and so easy to talk to. She had just gotten out of a relationship a few months previous but was happy to give me her number and we could get to know each other.

The more I got to talk to her and the more I seen her the more I liked her. I texted her lots and maybe got slightly carried away telling her I missed her all the time and how I wanted to see her all the time. I didnt always get the same response but she still seemed happy to be with me.
As I said she is a great girl but two things have seemed to bug me, she hardly touches alcohol (whilst I do) and doesnt use bad language (whilst I do..a bit).
I feel that I cant sometimes be myself around her, not that she has ever said anything about either and assured me she didnt care that I drank or slipped the odd bad word but I began to think that she was "TOO" good for me.

I asked her for some time to mull it over, she's obviously upset and has told me that she really doesnt want to lose me and that she's really happy with me.

Why am I so unsure?? Am i mad? Im 30 and should really be snapping up a girl like this...

Ellsbells

Yeah you are mad. So what if she doesnt really drink - you said she was good fun. What do you think is cool about cursing - I think its so vulgar and sounds so crass. It would be a positive for me if someone didnt curse. You seem to be playing with her a bit? telling her that you miss her and then that you need time to think???

Bottom line, you may have cocked it up for a while with your strange biases. If I were her, I would be telling you where to go but she seems to be willing to give you a chance. Have a think, if these are really things that you cant handle then let her go to meet someone who values who she is... Just dont mess her around.

Seriously, some men are never happy ....................

WhyGoBald

Why are you so unsure? Well, maybe you feel you went overboard at first and are finding you don't click as well as you thought you did, or maybe you're hurt by her lack of response and are going a little cold on her as a result. But be honest with her and with yourself about it. Don't pin it on something silly like that - that's ridiculous.

MistyCheese

messedupmale wrote: »

I feel that I cant sometimes be myself around her, not that she has ever said anything about either and assured me she didnt care that I drank or slipped the odd bad word but I began to think that she was "TOO" good for me.

You think she is "too good" for you. This is in your head, not necessarily in hers. Do you worry that she may think you are "not good enough" for her? She doesn't seem to have given you any reason to believe she is thinking this way.

So far she has said your drinking and swearing aren't a problem for her so I'm mystified as to why you are making them into one. You feel that you can't be yourself around her - but she has no problem with these two aspects of you. Possibly she likes them. That or she likes you in spite of them.

Or is it actually a problem for you that she doesn't drink? Or swear? Only you can decide if that actually is an insurmountable problem for you but do be honest with yourself about whether the problem is "she doesn't drink or swear and that annoys me" or "I drink and swear and she doesn't so I'm worried that she is judging me."

messedupmale wrote: »

I asked her for some time to mull it over, she's obviously upset and has told me that she really doesnt want to lose me and that she's really happy with me.

I'd say she bloody is!! I imagine in her head she's done nothing wrong. She must be wondering what it is that you are mulling over.

Colonel Panic

How often to you really click with someone, especially when you're over 30 and the social net gets smaller? You'd be mad to end it!

LegacyUser

MistyCheese wrote: »

You think she is "too good" for you. This is in your head, not necessarily in hers. Do you worry that she may think you are "not good enough" for her? She doesn't seem to have given you any reason to believe she is thinking this way.

So far she has said your drinking and swearing aren't a problem for her so I'm mystified as to why you are making them into one. You feel that you can't be yourself around her - but she has no problem with these two aspects of you. Possibly she likes them. That or she likes you in spite of them.

Or is it actually a problem for you that she doesn't drink? Or swear? Only you can decide if that actually is an insurmountable problem for you but do be honest with yourself about whether the problem is "she doesn't drink or swear and that annoys me" or "I drink and swear and she doesn't so I'm worried that she is judging me."



I'd say she bloody is!! I imagine in her head she's done nothing wrong. She must be wondering what it is that you are mulling over.

She reckons that I'm perfect for her and that she hasnt been this happy before. I just cant explain what it is. I know she's really upset, her last message to me spelt that out but I havent heard from her since.

I just felt that i couldn't be myself around her, she seems to be too nice and polite for me. Im watching what I say and I feel guilty about going out for a drink.
I know she's said that she doesnt mind at all but maybe she's just saying that for now and hoping to change me after time.
I can't explain it. I know it's not fair on her because I chased her and it took a lot for her to give me a chance as she had broken up from a guy that treated her really poorly.
I didn't think that she would of been so upset about this.

I don't know what I should do now.. I asked her for time and it looks like she's giving it to me but I know a girl like her will be snapped up in no time.

LegacyUser

Ellsbells wrote: »

Yeah you are mad. So what if she doesnt really drink - you said she was good fun. What do you think is cool about cursing - I think its so vulgar and sounds so crass. It would be a positive for me if someone didnt curse. You seem to be playing with her a bit? telling her that you miss her and then that you need time to think???

Bottom line, you may have cocked it up for a while with your strange biases. If I were her, I would be telling you where to go but she seems to be willing to give you a chance. Have a think, if these are really things that you cant handle then let her go to meet someone who values who she is... Just dont mess her around.

Seriously, some men are never happy ....................

I dont know, maybe i'd feel more comfortable not having to mind my P's and Q's around her.I feel awkward having a drink when we go for dinner because she's sitting there with a coke or something.

Everything else is perfect.. I couldn't get enough of her before I started to feel like this.
I know im punching above my weight for her to, never thought for a minute she'd agree to meet me.
I just think that this will come between us even though she promises that it won't.

Ellsbells

Well then let her go but I think you will regret this as its very hard to meet quality... I hate when guys chase, chase and chase without stopping to think and once they get want they want they start to have doubts then. Its very immature for a guy your age.

I really don't understand why you're so obsessed with her not drinking something at dinner. You're willing to throw away an otherwise perfect relationship because you feel guilty about alcohol? and swearing?!
maybe you are unhappy with doing it yourself then
let her go if you must but i'd be having a deep long think about why someone not drinking makes me so uncomfortable - not even in a pub, but at dinner

hardCopy

I swear all the time, my girlfriend doesn't, it's never been an issue. Don't let this one go OP

xXLaneyXx

So evidently what your saying is that two qualities you would like in a girl are that she drinks as much as you and that she uses foul language??

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

To me she sounds like a young lady and are rare in these times.

If this girl wasnt long out of a relationship it was probably a big step to give you a go. You kept telling her you missed her and couldnt wait to see her so you were breaking down her barriers and allowing her to start developing feelings for you! Maybe she wasnt so fourthcoming with her feelings but she's told you now and you should be delighted that she is so happy with you.
Surely you knew from the very first time you went on a date that this girl was as she is so why is this bothering you now?
You say she's upset.. of course she is.. you let her believe that you were really into her but how could you be when you let 2 little things like this annoy you.

I really don't get how the male mind operates!!

Ellsbells

xXLaneyXx wrote: »

So evidently what your saying is that two qualities you would like in a girl are that she drinks as much as you and that she uses foul language??

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

Yeah exactly

LegacyUser

Ellsbells wrote: »

Well then let her go but I think you will regret this

Maybe if I just have a bit of time I'll see sense.. If she says she likes me as much as she does she'll hopefully wait

Abi

messedupmale wrote: »

Hi all, Going unreg for this one. I hope someone can tell me I'm not mad?!!

I met THEE greatest girl 2 months ago. I had seen her before and said hello and she had been on my mind ever since. I got talking to her one day due to a mutual friend and we instantly clicked. She ticks all the right boxes, gorgeous, funny, confident, smart, sweet and so easy to talk to. She had just gotten out of a relationship a few months previous but was happy to give me her number and we could get to know each other.

The more I got to talk to her and the more I seen her the more I liked her. I texted her lots and maybe got slightly carried away telling her I missed her all the time and how I wanted to see her all the time. I didnt always get the same response but she still seemed happy to be with me.
As I said she is a great girl but two things have seemed to bug me, she hardly touches alcohol (whilst I do) and doesnt use bad language (whilst I do..a bit).
I feel that I cant sometimes be myself around her, not that she has ever said anything about either and assured me she didnt care that I drank or slipped the odd bad word but I began to think that she was "TOO" good for me.

I asked her for some time to mull it over, she's obviously upset and has told me that she really doesnt want to lose me and that she's really happy with me.

Why am I so unsure?? Am i mad? Im 30 and should really be snapping up a girl like this...

The girl doesn't see the need to get drunk, nor does she need to use bad language. So what? Has she at any point passed any remarks about your drinking or expletives? I highly doubt that this is an issue for her, as she wants to keep seeing you.

This issue that you have is nothing more than a reflection on yourself. She doesn't get drunk or curse, and now you think shes too good for you. She probably is if you think this is a deal breaker to be honest with you. You are what you are, shes accepted that, it's time you did too. You're about to lose a great girl all because of your own hangups.

messedupmale

messedupmale wrote: »

Maybe if I just have a bit of time I'll see sense.. If she says she likes me as much as she does she'll hopefully wait

"She's hopefully wait"? You're not really into her at all, are you.
First you mess with her head then you expect her to sit around and wait.

xXLaneyXx

Ellsbells wrote: »

Well then let her go but I think you will regret this as its very hard to meet quality... I hate when guys chase, chase and chase without stopping to think and once they get want they want they start to have doubts then. Its very immature for a guy your age.

I totally agree with this!
Why chase her and tell her all those things and then all of a sudden decide you want time alone... That girl has every reason never to contact you again after that stunt!

Ellsbells

bluewolf wrote: »

"She's hopefully wait"? You're not really into her at all, are you.
First you mess with her head then you expect her to sit around and wait.

Yeah seriously you are really determined to **** with her head. Let her go and go off to meet someone you think is good enough for you. There are plenty of beer swilling, foul mouthed women out there so it wont take long.

LegacyUser

Ellsbells wrote: »

Yeah seriously you are really determined to **** with her head. Let her go and go off to meet someone you think is good enough for you. There are plenty of beer swilling, foul mouthed women out there so it wont take long.

No, not determined to do this at all. Just would like her to be a bit more relaxed and I can relax around her and not worry about language or that.
She said she would give me time, maybe I dont deserve it but i'll see how i feel. I do miss her already..i thought she would of been in contact though.

decmanning

If she accepts the fact that you drink and use bad language then why cant you accept that she does not? I really dont see your problem, the fact that she doesnt drink or use bad language are good qualities i would have thought, ok if she was totally against them then i could see how it would put a strain on the relationship but the fact she has no problem with it i think shows that its not an issue, i think you are the one making an issue out of it as she seems to have no problem with it, i think you need to just take a step back and realise that not drinking and not using bad language are good qualities and should not be used against anyone, i have often found girls like this to be the most genuine and nicest girls around

Meauldsegosha

messedupmale wrote: »

Maybe if I just have a bit of time I'll see sense.. If she says she likes me as much as she does she'll hopefully wait

What a pathetic post. You're right this girl is too good for you but not because she doesn't drink or curse but because you are a selfish person and she deserves so much more than you.

Taltos

OK all, any more generalisations about men and I will have to start issuing warnings/infractions/ban. As per our charter generalisations are not welcome.

Generalisations are considered flaming and as such can result in lengthy bans.

Thanks
Taltos

Ellsbells

messedupmale wrote: »

would like her to be a bit more relaxed

So you want her to change to make you more relaxed in her company.

Do you want her to start cursing and drinking? Seriously just let her go and sort yourself out

Buncha Fives

Ellsbells wrote: »

Do you want her to start cursing and drinking? Seriously just let her go and sort yourself out

Thats it in a nutshell... I really think you need to sort your head out because this girl sounds almost too good to be true. You mentioned that you were surprised that she even agreed to meet you in the first place...maybe its a case that you are trying to find faults with her because you are scared of getting too attached to her and eventually loosing her.

Carriexx

She maybe is not relaxed as you dont know eachother very well yet!

This seems to be common these days - make a play for her, and then when you get her you dont want her.

You told her you needed time and now your upset shes not contacting you......seriously!!! You are totally playing mind games here!!!

xXLaneyXx

Buncha Fives wrote: »

Thats it in a nutshell... I really think you need to sort your head out because this girl sounds almost too good to be true. You mentioned that you were surprised that she even agreed to meet you in the first place...maybe its a case that you are trying to find faults with her because you are scared of getting too attached to her and eventually loosing her.

Or maybe the thrill of the chase is over?!

I feel for this girl.. she obviously cares for you and is giving you your space. I just hope you can do the right thing by her and not leave her hanging.

As another poster said you may regret this.. I believe you will
Its not too often you click with someone like you said you did and for her to care for you and not want to lose you is something to seriously consider.

Think carefully OP.

SineadMarie

messedupmale wrote: »

Maybe if I just have a bit of time I'll see sense.. If she says she likes me as much as she does she'll hopefully wait

Its unfair to expect her to wait! Let her move on and be snapped up like you said by someone that is sure they want to be with her.

Pippy1976

messedupmale wrote: »

I do miss her already..i thought she would of been in contact though.

Huh? You told her to give you 'time' (for what I don't know) so why would she contact you?

In my humble opinion, seeing as though you're on here looking for one, you don't really like her all that much & are looking for (ridiculous) excuses to break up with her.

She sounds lovely... you sound messed up (as per your username!)

LittleBook

messedupmale wrote: »

Just would like her to be a bit more relaxed and I can relax around her and not worry about language or that.

Except that the issues are yours, not hers. There's no point in expecting HER to change and "be a bit more relaxed" ... she's perfectly relaxed!

You're the one who's uptight about your own drinking and swearing. If you didn't have a problem with it, you wouldn't be second guessing her attitude to it to the point of pushing her away.

Start looking at yourself, not her.

LegacyUser

Omg why have you created a problem where there wasn't one?
Just seems very self destructive, you've met this wonderful girl and you seem
to be doing everything you can to mess it up, can you not see that?

This isn't a healthy start to a relationship at all, what's going to happen when you come
to real and serious problems in your relationship, what way will you be then?

For that poor girl's sake i'd say let her go because you're messing her about,
but if you want the relationship to work i'd say grow a pair and be a decent bloke.

It just baffles me, there's so many people out there who'd love to find someone special like you have.

daisybelle2008

OP I can't believe the harsh replies you are getting. I totally understand what your saying. When I 'click' with someone I am comfortable being myself 100%. ( TBH, I think you could actually picking up on some 'judgement' she has about the way you are acting). The drinking and swearing just happen to be a couple of areas that don't feel right to you. I think it is more about her than that. In other words I believe you could meet someone else who didn't drink or swear and feel 100% comfortable in their company. We have a gut instinct that let's be comfortable around some people more than others. We should trust that.

It does not need to be personal. I am sure 'on paper' she is a lovely girl and all, but don't let your head overrule the gut feeling you have that something is missing. Nature has a way of guiding us away from people who are not right for us.

For God's sake would you be friends with someone you felt like that around, no matter how 'lovely' she is? I know I wouldn't. God there are plenty of lovely girls that I am sure are loyal and attentive and would make lovely friends/girlfriends 'on paper'(Rose of Tralee types for want of a better description), but I like my friends warts and all and because they are a bit different, and most important we feel really comfortable around each other.

Why not only be around people you feel your best around. Don't overthink it, if you don't feel amazing around her then move on. Lifes to short to waste time accomodating your personality for someone else.

I cannot understand the advise to compromise 'cause your over 30. Jesus that is the last thing I would do. The older I get and the more I like myself the more I only want to be around the people I feel best around.

Don't change yourself, if you don't feel your absolute best around a partner then move on.

decmanning

He obviuosly likes this girl though and is comfortable enough to chase her like mad, why would he go after her so much if he wasnt comfortable around her?? It is this man making all the moves so when you make all the moves then post stupid things on here like i dont like the fact that she doesnt drink or curse, you are leaving yourself open to criticism

MistyCheese

messedupmale wrote: »

I know she's said that she doesnt mind at all but maybe she's just saying that for now and hoping to change me after time.

messedupmale wrote: »

No, not determined to do this at all. Just would like her to be a bit more relaxed and I can relax around her and not worry about language or that.

You are worried that she will try to change you meanwhile you are hoping she will change for you. Maybe the best thing to do is take some time away from all women and sort your own head out.

messedupmale wrote: »

I don't know what I should do now.. I asked her for time and it looks like she's giving it to me...

... i thought she would of been in contact though.

You asked her for some time, she's giving you some time and you are still not happy. You're not happy that she is doing as you have asked her. That really doesn't sound good. It's like you're trying to find problems - to the extent that you are projecting your own problems onto her.

Whatever you do, don't string this girl along. Don't let her think you are going to commit to her if you aren't sure yourself.

daisybelle2008

OP I think you need to question some of the responses you are getting here. I have summed up some of them below and given my thoughts on them as you are getting very biased responses. Take it for what you will.

She sounds like ‘a young lady’ rare these times, There are plenty of ‘beer swilling foul mouthed women’ out there for you. The fact that she doesn’t drink or use bad language are good qualities

Oh Dear God. What century are we in?

They are neither good nor bad qualities, they are just her habits. There is plenty of really nice genuine ‘beer swilling foul mouthed women’ too believe it or not. I know loads!!

You messed with her head.

No you chased in the beginning as you wanted to get to know her, this is perfectly normal courting ritual, and she partook as a consenting adult. You certainly don’t owe her a relationship because of it. You are allowed change your mind if you find you are not compatible!!

He is mad and has strange biases? /Sort yourself out, you need to sort your head out

OP don’t be so hard on yourself and don’t put too much stock into the harsh responses here. Nobody knows, just be comfortable and do the right thing for your self.

She sounds lovely…/ she's perfectly relaxed!

Or a bit uptight is possible too. The OP is sensing something. OP I don’t believe it really matters if it is you or her. People talk about ‘head’ vs ‘heart’. I think there is one internal guidance system that is worth listening to, the one that tells us how we feel when we are around a person. If we are smiling, happy and comfortable and 100% ourselves, then we are on track.

why have you created a problem where there wasn't one

You have not ‘created a problem’ out of nowhere. You feel there is something missing and that indicates incompatibility. Just because she is perfect on paper doesn’t mean you are compatible. Don’t apologize to anyone for that. You are perfectly entitled to how you feel; your internal guidance system might be telling you that you are incompatible

Mad to end it because he is over 30??

What now?
OP It is possible that the conflict you are feeling is not to do with the fact you risk losing a ‘great girl’. It could be that your guidance system is telling you that she is not right for you and you are ignoring/over thinking that instruction instead of heeding it 100%.

you are projecting your own problems onto her.

Jesus he doesn’t feel himself around the girl. Sometimes people feel uncomfortable and judged around people. Not all communication is verbal, we do sense how people feel and there is no reason to believe that the OP is not picking up on non-verbal communication. He is hardly making this up.

hardCopy

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

OP I can't believe the harsh replies you are getting. I totally understand what your saying. When I 'click' with someone I am comfortable being myself 100%. ( TBH, I think you could actually picking up on some 'judgement' she has about the way you are acting). The drinking and swearing just happen to be a couple of areas that don't feel right to you. I think it is more about her than that. In other words I believe you could meet someone else who didn't drink or swear and feel 100% comfortable in their company. We have a gut instinct that let's be comfortable around some people more than others. We should trust that.

It does not need to be personal. I am sure 'on paper' she is a lovely girl and all, but don't let your head overrule the gut feeling you have that something is missing. Nature has a way of guiding us away from people who are not right for us.

For God's sake would you be friends with someone you felt like that around, no matter how 'lovely' she is? I know I wouldn't. God there are plenty of lovely girls that I am sure are loyal and attentive and would make lovely friends/girlfriends 'on paper'(Rose of Tralee types for want of a better description), but I like my friends warts and all and because they are a bit different, and most important we feel really comfortable around each other.

Why not only be around people you feel your best around. Don't overthink it, if you don't feel amazing around her then move on. Lifes to short to waste time accomodating your personality for someone else.

I cannot understand the advise to compromise 'cause your over 30. Jesus that is the last thing I would do. The older I get and the more I like myself the more I only want to be around the people I feel best around.

Don't change yourself, if you don't feel your absolute best around a partner then move on.

Moving on seems like the right thing to do.

Stringing her along, and now expecting her to try and chase is out of order.

Maybe the OP should marry a pirate.

Buncha Fives

Maybe we have been a bit hard on the OP but the way he has put his side of the story doesn’t sound very favourable. On the other hand maybe there are other underlying issues why you don’t feel comfortable with her and you are clinging onto the drinking and cursing etc. as excuses. For example OP may feel that this girl is out of his league, bizarre as it may sound but this in itself could be causing him to feel insecure and perhaps search for other problems that don’t really exist. This is certainly not her fault but it could be a problem for the OP none the less, if you don’t feel comfortable around the girl well then maybe you should just cut to the chase and finish with her.

gara

OP it sounds as though you have some deep-seated self-esteem issues, as though you feel you are somehow undeserving of happiness and being with a good person. You have to allow people 'in' and you will never experience true intimacy if your insecurities constantly cause you to push people away.

However, it may also be that you and this girl are simply on a different wavelength and therefore incompatible. Just because somebody is nice does not automatically make them the one for you. I know it's a cliché but I clicked immediately with my boyfriend and always felt comfortable around him -do not feel pressure to make something work with this girl if you're not feeling it on an instinctive level

Lorna123

She doesn't tick all the boxes for you Op and the fact that you have told her you need time to think about whether you want to be in this relationship or not speaks volumes. She is not for you. You recognise that she is a great catch for someone else, but not for you. So get out.

Curry Addict

OP i think your right,your not really mature enough for a healthy adult relationship. when i read your post i though you were going to be around age 19 or 20.
with more life experience you will see that you can easily improve your vocabulary and that vocab is a minor part of something way more important ..communication. her preference for drinking or not also should be trivial in the greater scheme of things.
you also seem to be "messing her around" in a cavemany dominant way, thats not attractive. time to improve yourself and aspire to something more than cursing over a pint.

nowyouresix

OP: this will sound harsh, but get a grip. You met her, and came on really strong. She is being cautious about who she lets in to her heart, and won't fall for anyone in a rush, particularly if she is fresh out of a relationship. She is a classy girl, if your description is accurate. If you feel that you aren't "good enough" for her, then possibly you're not. But that's in YOUR head , and your head only. There is nothing more unsettling to a girl than the guy thinking he isn't good enough for her. The only way you will get this girl is if you be cool about it, treat her with respect, and cherish her. Stop putting yourself on the backfoot, be confident and take things slow.

bakergirl91

Hey OP! I was the same in a previous relationship. Except mine was funnily over clothing. he wore designer suits and shopped in brown thomas. It really bothered me ........ where as i was high street all the way. the problem was total insecurity. I think you are suffering a bit from it too along with over thinking it. Not trying to sound harsh but she wouldnt want to be with you if she didnt. And especially since she is a woman i presume around your age as well, she is looking for the right person i doubt she would hang around if there was stuff about you that was already really bugging her!!! best of luck!!

LegacyUser

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

OP I can't believe the harsh replies you are getting. I totally understand what your saying. When I 'click' with someone I am comfortable being myself 100%. ( TBH, I think you could actually picking up on some 'judgement' she has about the way you are acting). The drinking and swearing just happen to be a couple of areas that don't feel right to you. I think it is more about her than that. In other words I believe you could meet someone else who didn't drink or swear and feel 100% comfortable in their company. We have a gut instinct that let's be comfortable around some people more than others. We should trust that.

It does not need to be personal. I am sure 'on paper' she is a lovely girl and all, but don't let your head overrule the gut feeling you have that something is missing. Nature has a way of guiding us away from people who are not right for us.

For God's sake would you be friends with someone you felt like that around, no matter how 'lovely' she is? I know I wouldn't. God there are plenty of lovely girls that I am sure are loyal and attentive and would make lovely friends/girlfriends 'on paper'(Rose of Tralee types for want of a better description), but I like my friends warts and all and because they are a bit different, and most important we feel really comfortable around each other.

Why not only be around people you feel your best around. Don't overthink it, if you don't feel amazing around her then move on. Lifes to short to waste time accomodating your personality for someone else.

I cannot understand the advise to compromise 'cause your over 30. Jesus that is the last thing I would do. The older I get and the more I like myself the more I only want to be around the people I feel best around.

Don't change yourself, if you don't feel your absolute best around a partner then move on.

But she does make me feel amazing...it's like I've known her for years in many ways because she "gets" me!! I do feel comfortable with her, just afraid of upsetting her with my ways. She has never mentioned it to me, never pulled me on language or drinking..actually tells me to go and have a good night out!
She's everything I ever wanted only its me that seems to have the problem. I really am missing her right now, i got used to picking up the phone to her and ringing her whenever i wanted and getting little random texts from her. Maybe this is deeper than i thought.
Now I feel like I contact her in case I raise her hopes and end up like his again.

I really dont know why i think like this, I've known from the start that she is the way she is
but she's infectious, everything about her. I dont want to hurt her. She went through enough with her last BF and deserves the best.

Im signing out now, thanks for all your replies harsh or not.
Hopefully things will work out one way or another.

Cheers guys.

midlandsmissus

It takes bravery to get into a relationship. Don't alot of us, especially when we're older with more baggage, worry that 'that person will have to put upwith my ****' 'is too good for me' or 'Im so messed up I'll only hurt them'.

Another common one is the minute you start to feel close tosome-one you pull away for fear of the closer you Get the more you have the possibility to hurt them/on top of the fear of all of us being hurt before.

Then you back off and she hasnt a clue why.

I think its very common. Ive just met a great guy but am already thinking 'would i be better off on my own' because I know the closer I get to some-one the greater potential I have ofbeing badly hurt.

I think it's important to acknowledge this and maybe you can go on to have a great relationship,but sometimesthe timing just isnt right. Good luck.

dellas1979

I dunno - I dont think its you, or its her. But what I do know is that you dont "click" as you said or think you do, at least not as partners.

Time to admit this. She doesnt tick all your boxes. She is making you uncomfortable (through no fault of her own), so you dont click. If she knew what you were thinking, she'd probably cop this herself. You think you "click" as potential partners, because youre obviously blown away by what you see in all her other qualities.

Sometimes we can get over things we dislike in partners, after all noone is perfect, but sometimes something stops us. And there is nothing wrong with that.

You'll either let her go or you get over the whole what makes you uncomfortable thing because she is worth it.

And lastly, I dont see why she should be contacting you - you made it clear you wanted space. Are you trying to mentally mess with this girl's head? Now that would be cruel. Very cruel for you to make her chase you. She sounds like a lovely person OP. Dont do this to her.