seriously confused....

minime2012

i would love to get peoples opinion. i am torn. in a long term rel for nearly ten years. home together and engaged. things have never been fantastic and recently have gone bad to worse. how do you know when to call time on such a long rel and with so many commitments together? i have been put second so many time i am financially and emotionally drained from the last couple of years.... i have been left with all the responssibility on my shoulders while his life stayed the same.... are all men the same, is there any out there who do care and treat women right or does all tha just fade after a while? i'm scared.... anyone else been in this situation?

LegacyUser

I have not been in your situation but the advice I would give you is to contact a solicitor if you currently own a home with your other half.
You need to protect yourself and the investment you made when you brought the home.
It is important to find out how to deal with the home at this stage.
Do not get married to someone that you are not sure about or are unhappy with just because your together as a couple for a long time, your family and friends think he is a great guy or because everyone expects you to get married.
All relationships can go through a bad patch but what you have told us you have been put second so many time that at this stage you can't see things improving.
This will not improve once you get married.
I watched a friend of mine in a relationship similar to yours a number of years ago.
She met man who I will call J when she was a student outside Ireland. J did not have a great childhood, he needed to be the center of attention and expected everything to be his way. They were engaged and he called the wedding off a few weeks before they were due to get married. My friend was heartbroken at this time. She later told me that she knew things were not going great and she she was thinking off calling it off before he did but I know this was not the case. After this she spent some time on her own, going out with friends ect. She met someone else, got married and now has a family. I just want to let you know that you can move on from a broken relationship and things can get better for you. Good Luck.

Gooner111

What has changed recently that has made things get worse. Lots of relationships get stale / one puts in more effort than the other / both of you change as you grow older etc etc. Maintaining a relationship require effort and communication from both parties. Have you sat down and told him your unhappy at any stage?? Is there no chance of working things out... if you do want it to work out then sit down and talk to him. Tell him what you feel. Ask him what he feels. See if he wants to work with you to save things. Suggest going to couples counselling for a start.

If there is no hope of working it all out then its best to end things sooner rather than later. Dragging things out will only cause yourself more pain.

ElleEm

I think you know it is time to call it a day now. Your post doesn't mention anything fantastic about your relationship. You don't seem happy and I just think that if you spend your days with someone, they should make you feel happy. Your fiance clearly doesn't do that for you. You need to be brave here, and decide to do what is best for you. It doesn't seem like you want to spend your life this way.

In answer to your other question, no, men aren't all the same. You just haven't met the right one. There are men out there that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, and will love you wholeheartedly. You are worth that, and if you don't think your partner will give you that, then move on and find someone who will.

Beruthiel

minime2012 wrote: »

are all men the same

3.5 billion men on the planet, I'm pretty sure they're not all the same.

is there any out there who do care and treat women right

There are many.
Also, I feel I should point out, if you do not insist on being treated right, then you won't.
It is up to you not to stay with a man who does not treat you the way you expect him to.
If you stay with a man who disrespects you, then you give him permission to continue.
If you are not happy, leave him.
It's better to be single and happy than miserable in a couple.

minime2012

as i'm sure alot of people can relate jobs have been lost and things have been tough. i have got jobs and have been fine, at one point worked 2 jobs. but when i have been working so much and expected him to look after the daily chores etc he hasn't. it's like as if his life never changed and i have had to look after things financially and i've tried to make him happy buying him things that he wanted trying to get cash together so we can go out and have some sort of normal life. but in the process i've had to sacrifice things that i've wanted and i've become resentful not about 'things' that i don't have but it hasn't really been appreciated and things haven't been 50/50. i have spoken to him so many times over the years and things are great for about a week (literally) and then he falls back into his old ways. we never do anything unless i organise it. i just don't think he cares, coming back to my original point am i being thick thinking there are guys out there who care and reaslise when their partner is under so much pressure they can take over and look after them?

minime2012

meant to say i know some people think 'why have you put up with it for so long' it's hard when it's so long term and the commitments etc and pure and utter fear and being scared....