Crippled by Shaking Anxiety

LegacyUser

I REALLY need help.
I am so lost.

I have developed an AWFUL, awful shaking in my hands. (It is a Psychological Tremor).
I have had to quit 2 jobs over it.
I spent YEARS working in Hotels (I was on a trainie management course), everything was going good until 1 night back in 2006 while pouring wine for a couple at a table, 1 of them said "why am I shaking, was I out drinking last night?".. I seemed to remember to have laughed it of at the time...

Anyways, time goes by, and I develop a coping habit and for the next year I continue to pour drinks BUT I used BOTH hands to hold the bottle. This worked..

Anyways..Time went on... I started to drink.
I spent 2 years and everyday at work I drank non stop. Dont ask me HOW no one noticed. I just got used to acting normal while been intoxicated.
Drink was the only thing that kept my hands steady!

Anyways, its awful..I quit because the drink was not worth it. No body knows about me. I am a hermit on the dole now and I am afraid to even go to the local pub anymore because I dont think I could lift a pint without shaking! I cant drink in public.

I am fine at home.

Hands have not shaked in AGES! Only happens in social situation.

I wish I never served that couple way back in 2006. They ruined my life. I have nearly killed myself over this.

Has anyone had any experience with this?

I have been to the doc (its not essential tremoro or anything like that).
The councelor thinks its just all in my head.

I really need a way to over come this.
I am afraid of a poxy little glass :-(
People laughed at me for having shaky hands when I did get noticed.

I am only 25 and my life feels like its crap and I am sooo embarresed and feel so ashamed.

Thanks

Big Bag of Chips

Folks,

Please remember that offering medical advice or diagnosis is not allowed on this Forum. So please think before replying to this thread and word your response carefully. Breach of the charter can result in loss of posting privileges to Personal Issues.

If anyone needs reminding of the Forum Rules, maybe another look at the Charter would be a good idea.

Regards,
Big Bag of Chips

LegacyUser

OP I know this isn't as extreme as your case but I've experienced something like this before. With me it was eating in front of people, don't know where it came from but I always just felt really self concious eating around strangers. I was on a date a few years ago in a restaurant and out of the blue I was just overcome by an extreme self awareness and almost paranoia that my date was watching me eat, I got so worked up my hands were literally trembling uncontrollably, couldn't lift a spoon, fork or glass up to my mouth. In fairness to the guy , he ignored it (never heard from him again after though) but I will never forget that experience it was absolutely mortifying and soul destroying. It happened a good few times after that when eating around others in work, I would all of a sudden get really self concious and get the same feelings as before and my hands would start to shake in the middle of eating, so i'd just pretend I wasn't hungry, or had enough just so people wouldn't notice. So I really sympathise OP, I know how awful it is.

The councelor thinks its just all in my head.

In my case it definitely was OP, it never happens me any more, or at least hasn't in the last 4 year or so. Unfortunately I can't really offer you much practical advice. I was always very self concious but began seeing a counsellor about confidence issues and have become less self concious over the years and that definitely helped reduce the occurrences of it happening.

For me personally OP my problem was just focusing too much on trying to make my hands "work", it was a vicious cycle the trembling made me really concious of my hands, and it was this self conciousness that made it worse. Hand movement should kind of be an unconscious movement like when you go to reach something, you don't really think about it it's just automatic, so I guess the more I focused on my movements the more unnatural they felt and the more I'd start to shake. What worked for me (and admittedly this took a bit of practice) was when I felt that wave of self conciousness sweeping over me I would focus on those around me and not on the sensation of my hands moving, as in i would try not to even look at my own hands. I found that taking my own focus off myself and putting all my full energy/conciousness into what was going on round me, literally anything, the conversation, making eye contact with others, even watching other peoples hands as strange as it sounds, my own hand movements would then almost occur subconsciously without me trembling or noticing.

OP if you feel your councellor is not taking you seriously then please please find another one. I don't know much about coucellors but there are different types so maybe you could ask your GP to be referred to one who deals specifically with social anxiety issues perhaps? In any event I think counselling is the way forward OP.

Maybe you could also take small steps to build up your confidence in social situations like I dunno go the shop with a load of change so you'll have to use your hands to count it out and slowly get used to the idea of using your hands in public, then set yourself slightly bigger tasks like ordering a coffee in a packed cafe or whatever, and it'll become second nature to you again before you even know it

All the best OP, I know it's a rotten situation to be in, but it's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of you were just really unlucky to meet those idiots who laughed. You can overcome this OP

ongarboy

OP - sorry to hear about this torment that is really paralysing your life. Would you consider classes that focus on building self confidence and addressing social anxiety? I am aware from similar threads like this that such classes exist in Dublin and have been endorsed by other people who shared similar issues and are designed to not be intimidating whatsover. I'm not saying they will solve your problem altoghether but if you feel better and more confident about yourself, they can give you the mental strength to address and maybe overcome problems you encounter in social/public settings.

By the way, you have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about regarding your shaking. Even if you don't think that right now, it's still true.

I think you probably know that one couple from 2006 isn't the cause of all this. If it wasn't them, it would be some other social situation that you would latch on for blame. Blaming someone or something will also not solve your dilemma.

I would question the ability and empathy of any counsellor who would simply label your issue as "all in your head". Certainly everything we do, say or act is a trigger of what our brain tells us to do so yes, it is all in our head literally but that particular phrase suggests over-reaction and imagination of problems that are not real or significant. Most trained psychotherapists or counsellors should be able to help you work through addressing this problem. Maybe, you could consider an alternative therapist/counsellor if you feel your current or past counsellors have not given you benefit so far?

jellygems

My dad suffered from this, I never knew why tho! I get it sometimes when Im trying to hold my hand steady, it gets a tremble but not to bad. Cant imagine how you feel and what your going through.

Like the other posters I would suggest counseling because of the aniexty it is causing. I dont know why it happens. Ive just googled it there and some reasons and suggestions have come up so maybe give that a go?

Maybe get a second opinion with another doctor?

banquo

CBT is probably perfect therapy for this.

LegacyUser

Hi! I get the same fear as you. I have suffered with anxiety my whole life and this is just a part of it. I also used to get a fear of blushing...
I am male and 37.
As a kid I was terrrified of reading aloud in class...as I entered my teens I developed a social anxiety.
The shaking anxiety started on a couple of occassions;
1) I went to a friend's apartment for tea. I arrived and there were lots of people there I didnt know. I felt really, shaky,on the spot and self conscious holding my cup of tea.
2) I went to play golf with a few friends. We went into the pub. It was my turn to get pints,,, I ordered at the bar & felt an enormous wave of anxiety;
- oh my God I am shaking
-what if i drop/spill a pint
-what will they think about me...i am weird/have problems..

So since then at any formal/social occassion like a wine reception, drinks in pub etc I have felt really scared..
This has generally been with work colleagues & people I feel self conscious around,,
With close friends and family its no problem..
\
I think it is a fear of what others think of me, and being exposed or vulnerable in front of others: like reading aloud in class...

I would recommend going to a cbt therapist with experience of anxiety...
By the way i also take ssri meds for anxiety and ocd ...
A GP is often a good start.
I also practice mindfulness meditation which really calms me..

The thing is you really have to live this anxiety...in a gradual way of course...
Let your hands shake, even will them on to shake....Breathe with and through the anxiety...feel every bit of it...anchor your feet to the ground...
If you actually live with the anxiety; it often fades quite quickly...
Alternatively, you get anxious abut being anxious: is a vicious circle.

Life is short. Your hands might shake sometimes; this doesnt take away from you being a unique, cool, intelligent and worthwhile human being...

I would tackle this issue with guns blazing..

1) see my GP
2) get referred to a cbt therapist for anxiety
3) deal with anxiety and self esteem with the support of a therapist.
4) read up about mindfulness meditation.
5) vigorous exercise is a fantastic relaxer
6) consider massages etc....ie whatever it takes..

Keep in touch...
You are not alone!

D

Buncha Fives

OP it’s really strange to read this because I suffer from exactly the same problem (shaky hands) and its more or less governing my whole life at the moment, I actually can’t write or type if anyone is watching because I shake uncontrollably. It’s so bad that I did an interview for a really good job recently and part of me is hoping I won’t get it because my problem will be exposed…im in a real bind over this.

I think my problem is as much a physical problem and it is mental; I get shaky hands after I do physical work or for about 2 days after I have a few drinks but it kind of snowballs and the shake becomes very prominent if I am in a social situation. Likewise if I am writing I am grand if I am on my own, but if there is someone around an uncontrollable shake comes in my hand it is so embarrassing and it has got worse over the last year as I have become more conscious of it… I really am in a bad place with this now and I have no idea how I am going to escape, I use medication but it really does very little to help the situation. To look at me people would think I haven’t a care in the world but on the inside I am really struggling.

burkec

OP, I really feel for you on this one. I can understand how difficult it must be and has been for you.

The only thing I will say is you will need to allow lots of time for you to return to normal and you must be willing to shake.
If you tell yourself, I can't lift the glass (What if people look? what if they laugh? I will be seen to be weak and I will be the laughing stock of the town...), What you are really doing here is in other words you are not willing to shake, thus you worry about worrying.
If you let yourself to be willing to shake..You will soon find that it will disappear altogether.

I hope that makes sense?

face1990

OP, this has had a profoundly negative effect on your life and will continue to do so until you get treatment for whatever it is.

A doctor saying 'It's all in your head' is frankly bullshít - it may well be a psychological condition but that doesn't mean it can't be treated effectively.

Go to a GP, and insist that you get some help for this. If it has a psychological cause then insist on a referral to a therapist (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may be the best route).

Either way, don't let this continue to dominate your life any longer.