Trying to forget about Ex.

LegacyUser

My ex and I broke up new years this year.
he finished with me. we were only together 2 months.

At time, i thought i loved him but didnt let this thought come too much into my head because it was too soon. Either way, to me he was special.
we got on the best or so i thought.

Its now September and i still think about him, too much for my own good.
I'll go through phases where i wont and then something will remind me.
I'll got rid of stuff that remind me of him, stuff i bought during that time (nothing to do with him) silly things.
I've met a few guys since, even though i wasnt interested for while.
I met a guy out 2 weeks ago, we swapped numbers, we're meeting up soon.. and we're texting but all i'm thinking is I'd rather be speaking to Ex.

It's absolutely ridiculous i know. I'm praying to just get him out of my head.
It's not as if i see him, he lives an hour away, i've saw him once from distance but we didnt speak.

I'm well distracted with college/ work etc but I need to get past this bump

ilovesleep

Lovernotafighter,

Perhaps things ended suddenly or the ending was left open or perhaps he disappeared without a trace or perhaps he gave you a false hope that you could remain friends, just to never hear from him again. Nobody knows how it ended but you. For some people when things ended badly, they can see a light and a blessing in disguise of getting a lucky escape. For others, they may dwell on things and the situation and the ending and this would prolong moving on. If things didn't end badly, little things about the relationship could act a reminder like an important date like a birthday. So I don't think you are being ridiculous, still thinking of him 9 months later. If it's any consolation, I was involved with someone last year, in early summer of 2011, just for one night, but afterwards he set me up with expectations with empty promises, just to fail on delivering on them, give excuses and apathy, and then legging it. My head was destroyed. And I'm still thinking of him. Things were left so open with his excuses and I had something at the back of my mind like maybe he'd put it right yet. A false hope really. I just want him to fcuk off away from my mind, but nope that's not happening.

So anyways enough waffling from me. I suppose the usual advice of looking after yourself and treating yourself well would apply. I know you were saying that you have college and work to do so you may not have time or even money but try and get around to doing hobbies and interests that you enjoy. If there is anything that you always wanted to do like picking up a new hobby or learning a new skill or language, now might be a suitable time. Or if you have the money, you could try and book a weekend away. I have a lady friend who raves about the uk. You could get a flight ticket for 30 or 40 euro sometimes and hotels, a meal out and a drink or two are much cheaper in the uk. An overnight stay in the uk would come out to be very similiar as an overnight stay somewhere in Ireland, but you get the excitement of packing a bag and heading for the airport. If your friends are preoccupied to accompany you or are broke, you could go it alone. Just buy a new book that you would like to read. Many people wouldn't have the courage or confidence to go away on their own and they feel they need to have someone with them. But it is something that is so freeling and liberating. So there are a few ideas that I trashed out that might help you at moving on from your ex.

(if anyone else has any more advice or something different, I would love to hear it too. I really need to rid this maggot from my mind. I'm doing things that I like and enjoy but my mind allows him to creep back in).

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

Read your post and had to respond. Had a very similar situation myself or have should say. Dated a guy for a couple of months. Thought he was really into me and while I had a few doubts was starting to like him. Then suddenly out of nowhere he pulled the plug. To say I was devastated was an understatement. I was doing ok as I secretly believed that he would come back and realise his mistake. I then found out that he had moved on pretty much straight away and was taking this new girl places we would go. ThIs when the real shock set in. I would think of him first thing in morning and for much of the day started to get very fixed on why her, what's wrong with me, etc. So not healthy.

I am better now but would be lying if I said I was fully over things. What I did learn that a lit of what I was feeling was no about this guy per se but what he represented. A relationship, companionship etc. I was going through a very rough patch around the time I met him so I was overly invested in this relationship. Also, my ego was bruised and I felt really rejected, again not about him but I attached all to him.

I guess what I am saying is when we find it hard to move on from a brief relationship there is often something deeper going on but we focus on the person who rejected us. Really ask yourself honestly what is going on for you. Are you lonely, have low self esteem, feel there is something wrong with you? Are you unhappy with your life?

I know its hard but it just takes time. I find focusing on the facts helps. In my case, he left me, gave no explaination, started up with someone new, rubbed it in my face. Do I really want a guy like that. hell no. Everytime I find my mind wandering to him I ask myself ok is he at home thinking of me? No so am not wasting my life thinking of him.

Often we chose to stay stuck for whatever reason. Give yourself permission to move on and eventually yoy will.

Buncha Fives

knowthefeeling wrote: »

Hi Op,

Read your post and had to respond. Had a very similar situation myself or have should say. Dated a guy for a couple of months. Thought he was really into me and while I had a few doubts was starting to like him. Then suddenly out of nowhere he pulled the plug. To say I was devastated was an understatement. I was doing ok as I secretly believed that he would come back and realise his mistake. I then found out that he had moved on pretty much straight away and was taking this new girl places we would go. ThIs when the real shock set in. I would think of him first thing in morning and for much of the day started to get very fixed on why her, what's wrong with me, etc. So not healthy.

I am better now but would be lying if I said I was fully over things. What I did learn that a lit of what I was feeling was no about this guy per se but what he represented. A relationship, companionship etc. I was going through a very rough patch around the time I met him so I was overly invested in this relationship. Also, my ego was bruised and I felt really rejected, again not about him but I attached all to him.

I guess what I am saying is when we find it hard to move on from a brief relationship there is often something deeper going on but we focus on the person who rejected us. Really ask yourself honestly what is going on for you. Are you lonely, have low self esteem, feel there is something wrong with you? Are you unhappy with your life?

I know its hard but it just takes time. I find focusing on the facts helps. In my case, he left me, gave no explaination, started up with someone new, rubbed it in my face. Do I really want a guy like that. hell no. Everytime I find my mind wandering to him I ask myself ok is he at home thinking of me? No so am not wasting my life thinking of him.

Often we chose to stay stuck for whatever reason. Give yourself permission to move on and eventually yoy will.

Its strange to read this because I went through the exact same experience recently and really is very tough...I would say probably one of the toughest experiences of my life. The funny thing is I had serious doubts about the girl all along and as it turned out the nature of our break-up confirmed everything that had given me the doubts in the first place.

When things were going well with her they were brilliant but when there was a problem it always got blown out of proportion and she would fly off the handle. Despite all this and several people telling me that I had a lucky escape I still think about her far too much, I am almost sure though that the reason I think about so much is because i was going through a really rough period when I met her and she put a purpose into my life at the time.

Like yourself I think what I miss more than anything else is the companionship and the whole experience left me feeling rejected and isolated again but at the end of the day if someone can behave like this and just drop a person for no particular reason well then its time to realise that your better off without.

LegacyUser

Hey,
thanks all for replies.
@knowthefeeling, what you said i think is prob right that its probably the idea of relationship, someone to call etc .. i dunno.. but even at this, its him popping into my head.. nearly ended up with guy during summer , we kissed one night, i know him a long time but something obv at back of my head stopped me continuing any further.

anyway, i have other hobbies that keep me busy apart from college and work .

Someday i'll think of him and go Oh havent thought of him in agggges and actually mean it!!

Sponge25

I just want to say not all guys are a$$holes! I treat my gf very good and i'm a handsome guy that has alot to offer her so there is guys out there who want too be good to a girl and aren't losers etc. so hope ya meet someone soon!

Oh, if ya do meet someone, don't not date them because you're still thinking about your ex. In a few weeks when ya get to like them you'll forget about him completely. He didn't diserve you if he dumped ya so suddenly!

WhyGoBald

I have to agree that there is a reason you're stuck on him. As knowthefeeling said, give yourself permission to let him go. Sometimes we fixate on people as an excuse not to deal with other issues. You just have to figure out if he is a substitute for something that you are lacking in your life.

Lorna123

You are feeling rejected OP and can't get past the idea that this guy didn't want you. He may not have wanted you but there are plenty of guys out there who would want you so don't waste any more time wondering why this one didn't. It has all to do with people having different tastes, what suits one doesn't suit another. So forget about finding fault with yourself, you are terrific and you need to realize that. This guy did you a favour because now you are free to find someone who really cares about you. Go find him.