Date or an offer to hang out?

LegacyUser

This is really embarrassing.

I'm a male in my late twenties and I've not been the luckiest in love. Having lost a lot of weight, I've started to get the odd second look now and again, which is a new and pleasant experience.

I was at the house of a friend of a friend and was introduced to a nice Swiss girl who has just arrived and is here for the next year for college. She was cute but I assumed much younger than me (she's quite baby-faced) and we exchanged pleasantries and chatted a bit. We all ended up going out for a few drinks and all had a nice time. No flirting or anything of that nature- it was too loud to chat. I stayed at their place and we all went for breakfast the next morning. Everything was nice and light. Between the jigs and the reels, the group broke up and I ended up showing her around town and we had coffee and a nice chat. She mentioned being almost my age which was a bit of shock- she got asked for ID at the pub the night before!

I had previously mentioned that there was a cool gig coming up and she should go. Later, I told her to take my number in case she was at a loose end or wanted a companion to do something in town. Two days later she texted and asked me to meet her at the gig- but she asked if it would be ok to bring our mutual friend too. At this, I was a little deflated but was happy to go anyway. My mate "was busy" so it was just two of us. She smiled a lot and we chatted but I stopped short of obvious flirtation. It was all really nice and we parted with a hug.

I didn't speak to her since and I was confused as to whether the gig was meant to be a date (and I had acted like a prude). Today, she texted and asked me around to watch a movie this week. I know our mutual friend is away this week so it would be just me and her. I know that part of her course begins soon and she has mentioned lots of plans and social events through college that are just around the corner so I know she's not desperate for company beyond the short term.

I know we enjoy each others company but I can't imagine which would be worse: thinking she's interested in me and getting it all wrong or assuming she's not interested and letting a wonderful girl pass me by...

Gooner111

So far sunds like friendship to me. Prehaps the movie night will give you a different light on it - if she cuddles up/flirts etc. Have you asked does she have a boyfriend back home? If she is single try introducing some flirting... see how she responds

P. Breathnach

There is something missing in your account: what do you actually feel about her?

Gooner111 might be right: that it looks like friendship. If she came here and asked people to interpret her experiences with you, we might also say that you are treating her as a friend.

If it seems that she is interested in you, please be fair to herself and yourself. Don't get involved simply as a confidence booster; don't allow things to develop to a stage that is beyond what you might actually feel for her.

blatantrereg

I'd take it as an offer to hang out, and that she's trying to make friends after just arriving somewhere new. If you ask about a bf she'll probably indicate whether she's open to flirting one way or another. Best to be forthright about what you want with things like this.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the above. To answer the question, I think she's wonderful. On paper, she's my perfect woman. Maybe at the same time both of us are holding back a little (whether it's platonic or romantic) as we're both a little shy generally. We're definitely cut from the same cloth and I think I could soon be head over heels for her if things continue as they are.

I think a lot of my thoughts are based on the cultural differences. I can't help but think that if she were Irish and she were leading the meeting-up the way this girl is doing, most would say it's definite interest. I just don't know if this is a perfectly ordinary exchange with a new male friend in her culture or a deliberate effort to declare interest. She seems like a lot of European women I've met; shy and reserved on one hand while also not being afraid to assert themselves if required. Hence the confusion.

Thinking about this on my feet, I wonder if she would be afraid to make the first 'move'?

P. Breathnach

If she is interested in you as a potential boyfriend, she has already made a lot of the running. Your difficulty is that if she sees you as a potential friend who just happens to be male, her behaviour is consistent with that.

I understand what you mean about cultural differences: the signals are harder to read. What's wrong with words? Say things that indicate interest, but stopping safely short of declarations of undying love - things like telling her she looks very attractive, that you enjoy spending time with her more than with any other girl you know, stuff at that level.

gerryk

hopelessatthis wrote: »

which would be worse: thinking she's interested in me and getting it all wrong or assuming she's not interested and letting a wonderful girl pass me by...

Obviously the latter would be worse. At least in the former case, you would have the consolation of knowing you had tried. In the latter, you will forever wonder about that could have been.

Stop thinking about it and do something.

Battleflag

gerryk wrote: »

Stop thinking about it and do something.

This.

If you like her, why not give it a shot? She might not respond to how you would like but we've all been there, shrug it off and move on! You can still be friends!

ManOfMystery

OP, many years ago when I was about 19, I was in an almost identical situation. A friend of mine had a German girl over for 6 months to stay with her on an exchange programme, and we naturally ended up hanging out in our group of friends. I thought the girl was very attractive and on a few occasions we ended up spending time alone together, going for drinks and seeing a film. She always seemed to chat more to me than other guys in the group. However, being shy and naive, I also thought she *only* wanted to be friends, so I never flirted with her and actively avoided trying to take things anywhere other than friendship, for fear of embarassment.

When she left, my friend and I had a conversation one night and it came out that the German girl had been hugely into me, but thought that I only wanted to be friends and was too shy to talk about it or take it further. I could have kicked myself. What's the worst that could have happened - if I'd shown a romantic interest and she said no, we could just have stayed as we were, I'd have gotten over it, and she'd have been gone after another few months anyway. It's not like we were risking a lifelong friendship - I'd only met her.

Give it a shot - you have more to gain than to lose. Good luck!

snafuk35

hopelessatthis wrote: »

This is really embarrassing.

I'm a male in my late twenties and I've not been the luckiest in love. Having lost a lot of weight, I've started to get the odd second look now and again, which is a new and pleasant experience.

I was at the house of a friend of a friend and was introduced to a nice Swiss girl who has just arrived and is here for the next year for college. She was cute but I assumed much younger than me (she's quite baby-faced) and we exchanged pleasantries and chatted a bit. We all ended up going out for a few drinks and all had a nice time. No flirting or anything of that nature- it was too loud to chat. I stayed at their place and we all went for breakfast the next morning. Everything was nice and light. Between the jigs and the reels, the group broke up and I ended up showing her around town and we had coffee and a nice chat. She mentioned being almost my age which was a bit of shock- she got asked for ID at the pub the night before!

I had previously mentioned that there was a cool gig coming up and she should go. Later, I told her to take my number in case she was at a loose end or wanted a companion to do something in town. Two days later she texted and asked me to meet her at the gig- but she asked if it would be ok to bring our mutual friend too. At this, I was a little deflated but was happy to go anyway. My mate "was busy" so it was just two of us. She smiled a lot and we chatted but I stopped short of obvious flirtation. It was all really nice and we parted with a hug.

I didn't speak to her since and I was confused as to whether the gig was meant to be a date (and I had acted like a prude). Today, she texted and asked me around to watch a movie this week. I know our mutual friend is away this week so it would be just me and her. I know that part of her course begins soon and she has mentioned lots of plans and social events through college that are just around the corner so I know she's not desperate for company beyond the short term.

I know we enjoy each others company but I can't imagine which would be worse: thinking she's interested in me and getting it all wrong or assuming she's not interested and letting a wonderful girl pass me by...

Go out anyway. Don't have any expectations and play it by ear.
If she wants you to kiss her it will be obvious.
If you think you could kiss her then take a chance and see what happens.

Diom

Well the easiest way to find out is to ask her.

You: "So do you have a boyfriend in Sweden?"
Her: "No..."
You: "A girlfriend"
Her: "ha, no."
You: "So is this a date?"
Her: .....

genie_us

Why don't you ask her the next time? Invite her for a meal or something that might be considered date-y.

Assuming you want to date her of course. Good luck!