New baby, just dont know what to do? :(

Supermumzy

So basically i was goin out with my bf for the last year and we were seeing each other for 4months before we got together so i started seeing him may '11. Our relationship a disaster from the start everything and anything that cud have gone wrong did and i was so mad about him i just didnt want to give up on him & he didn want to give up on me either because we had this insane sexual chemistry we were sooo attracted to each other and i loved havin him around.. At xmas i fell pregnant (got preg on the pill) & things went further a*se ways because i was freakin out as i had a 2yr old boy already from a previous relationship so we were vry unsure about whether to keep the baby or not... alot of pressure & stress built up and i broke up with him & 2 days later he was back in his exs bed cryin to her how he didnt want the baby bla bla i only found this out later on through a text she sent me as we ended up back together. Tryin to decide alone whether to keep d baby or not was the hardest thing ive EVER gone through in my life... I was so alone and hurt and devestated. Anyways supposedly the ex txt me because he had already decided to go back to me and be there for me and the baby which even the ex told me after speakin with her. Taken him back though after that situation was very hard for me to do but i wanted it to work... After that in my eyes he shud have been bendin over backwards for me and he wasnt like he was better than before but he was just ok.. A few months went on and his attitude about everything went back to the same old he wasnt bothered getn a job or lookin for work and everything was becoming stressful again so i broke up with him for another 7weeks.. durin this time i explained in full how it just wasnt good enough how he was goin on and his lack of respect and manners and lack of bloody maturity was just draining me. IF he wanted to be with me i told him he had to change and cop on.. So i had my beautiful little girl 2wks ago and im so glad i kept her but after givin him a few more days to show me hes determined to put things right he just let me down again now i know the answer to what i should do seems easy but a part of me is absolutely gutted... i just wish he would change.. i want my little girl to have her daddy in her life properly, i still love and want to be with him & the thoughts of him been with sumone else makes me sick but im just not sure if i can be with him because of all that happened before and him not provin himself when ive givin him chance after chance... maybe im just findin it hard to let go im not sure but i just dont know what to do? im so lost.....

ABajaninCork

I think it's interesting that you speak about the sexual chemistry, but not about how the father is interacting with the child or supporting you, the mother of that child. OP, you even admit the relationship was a car crash. So why would you want to fix it?? Forget about him. Focus on you and your kids now. THEY are important,and should be your primary focus. HE is not, even though he's your daughter's father. Neither is trying to get your relationship (such as it is) on track.

Has he been declared the father? In that case, you should be trying to get some kind of support from him. It is not good enough to say he isn't looking for a job, and can't be arsed to get one. TOUGH! God knows it's hard at the moment, but he's got to try. He's got a child to support who needs food, clothes and nappies!!!

Are you getting any help with the kids? Not just financial, but any kind of support from friends and family? I guess things can be overwhelming especially with a new baby and trying to get into a routine. Would you be able to have a chat with your Mum? How about friends - would you be able to rope them in for moral support/practical help?

I hope things work out for you OP. It can't be easy, but you've got to get tough now. Kick the lazy little scrote to the kerb, and concentrate on you and your kids.

Good luck!

LegacyUser

Has he been declared the father? In that case, you should be trying to get some kind of support from him. It is not good enough to say he isn't looking for a job, and can't be arsed to get one. TOUGH! God knows it's hard at the moment, but he's got to try. He's got a child to support who needs food, clothes and nappies!!!

completely agree with this

Also:

i want my little girl to have her daddy in her life properly,

You don't have to be in a relationship with this man for him to be a good father to your daughter and a part of her life. That is an entirely separate thing to his relationship with you. He will either be a good father or he won't, regardless of whether you stay with him or not OP. Believe me OP growing up with parents who are both desperately unhappy in their relationship, has a far worse impact on a child growing up than two happy separated parents.

Is the dysfunctional relationship you have with this man the kind of relationship standard you want to set for your daughter? Would you be happy for her to end up in a relationship like you and your bf have?

if your answer is no, then dump this guy.