Rocky Times and Friend

LegacyUser

Currently going through a particularly turbulent patch, don't really wish to discuss it but suffice to say it is more then a bump along the road and puts the little stresses in life into perspective.

Close friends know some of the in's and out, great lot and very supportive in there own little ways. Bar one, who I thought we were pretty tight. I know they are quite busy at the moment with organizing something for work, so that definitely plays a part and I don't expect them to be around for hours or anything, but over the course of the last two weeks I haven't heard much aside from replies to my own txts. No calls and too busy to have a quick drink or anything, which is a real shame as I would have counted them as a close friend and have being there for them in the past (and them for me).

I don't think it's a case of them just not realizing how difficult a spot I am in, as it is pretty self explanatory in this case and I have tried to get in contact.

My perspective is all over the shop at the moment and so is it an overreaction to be (further) upset about this when more important matters are going on? Despite everything else, it kinda hurts me they have not made more of an effort and is on my mind.

Thanks,

LegacyUser

Op it's very hard to give advice when the nature of what you're going through is unclear. The only thing I can say is that if your friend was always there for you in the past and this behaviour is out of character for them, there must be more to the situation you are not aware of.

Ok op again as I dont know the exact details I dont keep know how relevant the following is but I was that seemingly "uncaring friend" a few years ago. one of my best friends was going through a very rough path in life and all our other close friends rallied round her..except me. The truth was I myself was going through a really rough patch, a family member diagnosed with a serious illness. The simple fact was I couldnt be around my friend, it was too hard to have to support them as well as be strong myself. when she did get in contact with me it tended to be a precursor to her wanting to discuss her problems, so I could never bring up my own, I'd often be close to tears on the phone and she wouldn't even notice so I began to have to use the busy at work line too, just to not have to deal with the calls. Also all my other friends had rallied around her so I had no support. I couldn't bring it up because I felt guilty that it would take the spotlight/support from my friend. to this day none of them know, they all just jumped to the conclusion I was uncaring and confronted me, surfice to say we aren't particularly good friends anymore. I was so hurt that they thought so little of me, I never bothered to tell them. I was upset that they never stopped to think maybe I had my own problems, when apart from this incident I was always there for then when they had a problem.

You never know whats going on in someones life op, if apart from this incident this person is a good friend, maybe instead of directing anger at them you could try and reach out to them and see if they too are going through their own problems? It's a shame youre so quick to jump to the conclusion that they just couldn't be bothered to make an effort, lifes rarely that simple op.

Just another perspective.

LegacyUser

Valid point, could be the case (hopefully not though!). I was planning on sensitively broaching the topic next time I see them anyways instead of jumping head first in. I'm a bit all over the shop at the moment, so my perspective/judgement is a bit awry at the moment tbh.

Taltos

Something else to consider is that we are all different and some of us just cannot handle drama / stress, call it what you will.

This does not mean your friend does not care enough about you, but it could just be that they are not equipped emotionally to deal with whatever it is you are going through. I agree with your plan though, broach it sensitively, I hope you get an answer however you might just get a range of excuses - it will be up to you at that point to accept them at face value or not.

LegacyUser

I have to agree with the other poster in that something could be going on in your friend's life that you don't know about so I would go about it in a nice way.

I know what you are going through. I have recently gone through some very tough things in my life and it becomes clear very quickly who are your true friends. I don't mean someone that is at your beck and call but just someone that thinks of you and sends you a text to ask you how you are. I think sometimes people don't know the extent of what you are going through and how badly things affect you.

I would have to say give your friend the benefit of the doubt until you have spoken to them.

LegacyUser

Another week, not much contact unfortunately. Asked them to grab a long overdue drink, as we had planed to catch up this week anyways, but they're moving for a short work stint to the UK soon and so were busy doing the social rounds among some people they won't see for a while. Understandable I suppose, but disappointing none the less as I think if the situations were reversed, id make the time somehow, even just a call.

Keeping busy dealing with stuff and seeing other friends, so ill pull through fine. But I feel it is a serious enough situation, that this friend should have made some sort of effort :-(

nowyouresix

OPHHH: it's not easy when those you would normally have banked on for support bail. Having said that, they may just feel too uncomfortable, or find it difficult to cope with seeing you having such a hard time, can't seem to broach it with you. I remember a few years ago, when I was having a very difficult time, the number of people who turned out to be my support was greatly reduced from what I had expected. People sometimes just don't know what to say. Sometimes I found that those who were the best support were those who just sat there and had a cup of tea with me, without even discussing the issues, and complete strangers!
Anyways, best of luck, and hope things go okay with you.

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I'm inclined to agree that sometimes in situations such as yours, people can just feel awkward. Your friend might be avoiding you because they just don't know what to say to you.

I know that might sound crazy to you - but it is more common than you think. Don't give up on your friend, just yet. If it's a good friendship it will find it's way back. Just try not to think any less of them because they couldn't be there for you. Use the support around you that you know can help, and accept that this friend isn't really that good to you in times of crisis. That doesn't mean that they are not a good friend in other ways!

We all have our own strengths and weaknesses.

LegacyUser

It's true that when you run into difficulties you can be surprised who runs for the hills and who stays to help.

On the other hand, perhaps your friend just finds it hard to cope with dealing with you and your troubles just now. I'm ashamed to say I bailed on a long-standing friend because I just couldn't cope with listening to their problems. It just happened to be a bad period in my own life and when my friend told me what was happening in theirs, it felt like my brain would melt.

Perhaps as the others have said there's something going on in this friend's life. They might not have room in their head for your troubles. Keep in touch by text but don't try to pressurize them. It might come good again.