Is he the one?!?!

riskybiz12

Hi Everyone...

I have being seeing this great guy for about a year.. really in love, really feel he is too... Problem is he is really not into commitment. Am i wasting my time, should i just get out now?

Herrick

Well you say "the one" so I assume you see him in the vain of a life partner, possible father to your kids kind of way.

You also say you feel he loves you.

But if he won't commit how can you have any of that?

Also describe what you mean by commitment. Are we talking he doesn't believe in marriage or is it he won't agree that you two are an exclusive couple and are bf/gf?

How old are ye?

riskybiz12

Yes i would really love to have a future with him but i don't think marriage or children are on top of his list of things to do right now. We are exclusive. He also loves going out with his friends alot!!!! We are in our early thirties which makes me wonder will he ever want to settle down.

Herrick

Well all I can say is this. You are in your early thirties and if you want children you need to know where you stand with him, the sooner the better. At your age you can't afford to have to have him coast along for a couple of years and then say he doesn't want marriage or kids. Thus leaving you having to start all over again.

I honestly think you haven't much choice here except sit him down and ask him.

Forever Hopeful

How can he be the one when there seems no promise for the future? Don't settle for that. If you want kids and he doesn't, then how can he be the one?

gara

Forever Hopeful wrote: »

How can he be the one when there seems no promise for the future? Don't settle for that. If you want kids and he doesn't, then how can he be the one?

My thoughts exactly -how can he be 'The One' if your thoughts on commitment are fundamentally different to his?

ash23

You need to talk to him about what he wants for his future. Don't waste years "hoping" that he wants to get married or have children.
It happened to me with my ex. He fobbed me off for a number of years before admitting he didn't want marriage or kids. I wasn't too bad. I was 25 when it ended. It took me about 4 years to meet someone else and even though we've only been together a few months, he knows where I stand re: marriage and kids and vice versa.

It's not necessarily that we are saying we want to marry each other but that we both believe in marriage and we both want children.
If your boyfriend doesn't see the same future as you do, then I'm sorry but he's not "the one". That's not to say that you don't love him or that he doesn't love you, just that you are traveling different roads which are not compatible with each other.

Gooner111

You definitely need to talk to him. It could be he already knows what he wants for the future.... then again he might not lol. The only way you will know is by talking to him.

Be clear in what you tell him and don't accept vague answers either. This is an important topic for you. Its true that what we want now might not be what we want in a few years time but I think the big things (marriage, kids etc) are things that don't really change - well at least for me. When my ex and I had the future discussion I told her clearly what I wanted for my future (that was way back in my twenties). She said she wanted the same. When we broke up last year she told me she had always wanted something different but just assumed I'd change my mind as I got older - I didn't. Am 32 now and still of the same view on my future as I was long ago!! So be honest about what you want

curlzy

I agree. You need to talk to him. You don't want to end up like Gooner's ex so be clear and honest in what you want and ask that he's honest about what he wants. I certainly wouldn't be tiptoeing around a man hoping that he'll just know what I want. Be clear "in my future I would like marraige and kids", if he doesn't want the same for the future or won't give you an answer, then walk away and find someone who does and will give you a clear answer. Life is too short for that kind of messing.