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Ending a long term relationship

  • 26-08-2012 4:37am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Me and my girlfriend have been going out for eleven years now.

    Lately (the past year or so) I just keep feeling like we've stayed together just for the sake of it. Constantly being asked when I'm going to pop the question, and the more I think about it the more I feel I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her.

    I just feel like we're growing apart all the time. I still love her, but when I ask myself the question if I'm in love with her, the more I think the answer is no.

    There's no kids or mortgage involved. And I don't think she has any idea how I feel.

    I honestly don't know whether to try talk to her about how I feel, even though I don't think it'd change how I feel. And I definitely don't know how I'd go about ending it. She's still in her twenties and I'm just gone thirty.


Comments

  • #2
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    r you both living together. i think u need to be honest not only with her but with urself. you have one life. ive just ended a seven year relationship and as hard as it was and still is, im so so much happier


  • #3
    den87
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 531 ✭✭✭den87


    Just be honest and tell her how you feel, you'll only hurt her more by not doing so.


  • #4
    branbee
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 179 ✭✭branbee


    First thing you need to do is see if things can be fixed- if that's what you want obviously. Like are you both just stuck in a rut which can be solved by talking things through/doing new things etc. Maybe she has been feeling the same and if yous talk it through and be honest you might work things out. My partner of 6 years ended everything with me for similar-ish reasons only to regret it a couple of months later after a lot of heartache for both of us.

    If this really isn't something you see happening or want, you need to do it properly. By properly I mean a few things which I only know from my ex doing things all wrong.

    Make sure you won't change your mind.

    You need to be clear, not ask for a break or to cool things off, If its over its over, clean break, don't give her hope if there is none.

    She is prob going to want to try work things out. You need to be able to explain to her why you don't feel its an option. Which I think in a long term relationship this is a reasonable enough question on her part.

    Don't lie to her to try ease the blow. Be honest, she deserves it.
    If you're anything like how myself and my ex were she will prob be losing her best friend as well. Or at the very least her 'person', the one she goes to when things are tough and you ending things will be tough, yet she can't go to her person for this.

    Obviously all relationships are different but these are things that I feel you should keep in mind.

    Best of luck, it will be hard, but if it really is for the best then you're doing the right thing. As long as you do it in a respectful and caring way to her.
    Oh and look after yourself, its not an easy thing for you either.


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