Always end up being the person in the wrong.

LegacyUser

Need to vent. I think there's something wrong with me. I made friends with these 4 girls in college. For the best part of the 3 years we were great friends. But I never really felt that close to them - I'm quiet a difficult person to get to know,as I'm quiet shy. I returned to college to do a Masters to which one of the girls was also doing. However through out the year she was always continuously making sly remarks, about my weight, how I hadn't slept with anyone, how I was still single and always trying to make me the joke of the party. At first I was being completely oblivious to it as I thought this was just being regarded as "having the craic" - as she always put it down to when I said anything to her - making it look like I was being "dry".

However it soon became clearer that this girl was actually being horrible. For instance I ended up sleeping with a guy, I stupidly confided in her. No one else, to be faced with questions from the 3 others about it. She told them everything with added extras that she made up to be more gossip queen worthy - like how we didn't use a condom. All LIES.

A masters is as I'm sure many of you know a lot of hard work and very expensive, so I wanted to work my ass off which she completely disapproved of because her only reasoning for her to do a masters was to spend another year with her boyfriend who was repeating 3rd year and enjoy her final year as a student. She was constantly making digs at how much my work wasn't going to pay off as a "masters is a masters", and with the current recession that it was pointless anyway.

The annoying thing is - is that I had to live with this as well. During the summer before starting my masters I suffered from a mental break down to which I didn't tell her or anyone. Only my family knew. I spent the summer in and out of hospital. It all became a little too much again and in a last final attempt at our friendship I had to tell her in hope that she would realise that she is effecting me. However it could not have ended as could be - she made out that I was only using it as a way of getting attention. She more or less told the rest of my housemates that I was some weirdo and god knows what she told the other 3 girls because I have contacted them numerous times and have yet to get a reply. On facebook the 4 of them are planning concerts and weekends away with not so much as a mention of me. Even one of the guys who didn't even live with us wrote up on facebook the day I moved out - "the she devil is gone"

I'm 21 - I've never felt so alone. I feel like I should have just put up with her. I feel like theres something wrong with me and wish I could just fall off the face of the earth.

Toast4532

There is nothing wrong with you, but plenty wrong with her.

She sounds like a spiteful, horrible, evil, nasty person. You do not need friends like her. I wouldn't be surprised if in a few months/years she has no friends left with the way she is carrying on/has carried on.

You are better off without her and those others who seem to believe her lies.

For now - concentrate on yourself and your career. If you want to make more friends join some clubs etc and get to meet people. Don't let those girls/guys put you off socialising or making friends, you have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

Mental illnesses don't make you weird or a devil and is certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

If you are feeling so low, would you consider speaking to a family member or your GP? Or maybe even counselling/therapy?

ananas

Oh my God OP, these girls are most definitely not your friends. That one who you live with seems like a drama queen, spiteful cow. If I were you, I would cut her off completely. Tell her to her face that you're sick of her lies and that you don't need someone like her in your life and then move on. If you don't feel confident enough to do that, send her an email and tell her you've had enough. I'd distance myself from the other 'friends' as well. They don't seem to be supportive of you at all.

You're only 21, you can make so many more friends that will be your proper friends and look out for you. There's nothing wrong with you at all. They sound like a proper shower of baxtards

miamee

OP, these girls are not your real friends. To be honest they sound very shallow and immature in the way they are behaving and you would be better off with no friends than these eejits dragging you down. You are right to want to work hard at your Masters, who bother doing it if you're not going to do it properly?

If you can, I'd concentrate on that and maybe joining some clubs or socialising with others as someone else has suggested. Maybe once you are away from these ninnies, other people will not be afraid to approach you and be your friend

Good luck.

Big Bag of Chips

Unfortunately OP, people like you attract people like her. You are shy, and gentle, and quiet and most importantly avoid confrontation. She on the other hand is a bully. Plain and simple. You are the perfect target because you don't fight back.

Unfortunately people mature at different rates. And she (and her friends) are still stuck in the secondary school mind frame. They are childish and immature. As people get older, their sort of carry on becomes very tiresome and people start distancing themselves from the likes of them.

You are not wrong in this situation - and you can be sure if she hadn't met you, she would have sniffed out someone similar!

As others have suggested, just stay away from them now. Concentrate on your studies and meeting others. College can be a lonely place, but it is also the best place in the world to meet new people - you have all the clubs and societies right there - begging for people to come and join them! for your own sake and your own confidence, you need to break free of this group. If you don't you will 'always end up being the person in the wrong'.

Roisy7

Nothing really to add except what has been said already.

What a cow this girl is, tbh I wouldn't even bother sending her one last message, cut her and her sheepish friends out of your life immediately.

As for her horrible comments as regards your mental illness, I agree with Big Bag of Chips, there is a real secondary -I would even say primary- school mentality going on. Perhaps when she has some life experience she will realise that mental illness can happen to anyone.

She sounds utterly pathetic, doing a masters because she wanted to spend a year with her boyfriend? Please. She is clearly the weak one if she can't manage the real world without her boyfriend as a crutch.

You on the other hand OP are very brave for overcoming what you have a getting your Masters. I'm guessing things are finishing up for you now? This is a great opportunity for you to get on in the world, it is now your crustacean of choice, you can go anywhere or do anything.

Don't worry about her friends, I have always found that people are very sheepish when faced with bullies like her. As for the boy who commented, don't mind him either. I honestly don't know what is wrong with college age lads these days but a lot of them seem bitchier than Elton John.

Cut them out OP, you're the better person and karma's a lovely, lovely bitch.

edellc

OP, bag of chips has it right to a tee

I went to a school with a wagon like this, always comparing our grades and thrilled if she got more than me, I was in a class with who she seen as the cool girls and I was mates with them and sat with them for lunch she nudged her way in and buddied up to who she thought I was close to and put a wedge there, she decided to do the same course as me in college and then told everyone I copied her.

For me college was a break for the drudgery of school and a chance to reinvent yourself, but with her in my class making sly remarks about me all the time it was hard, she also made friends with a friend of a guy I liked and tried to nudge in there making out she was more mates with him than me - general childish stuff, when we had our graduation we went out for drinks after and she brought her BF and when they where sat right in front of me her BF said I looked like a prostitute funny as she was dressed in the same dress as me we could have been twins granted I has a quirky style back then but how does a black dress and tights make you a prostitute, still I was so upset I left crying, she also visited my place of work after college to brag about her getting engaged yet when I bumped into her in a pub and congratulated her in front of her friends she made out she never said such a thing.

She tried to embarrass me numerous times and really was more to be pitied than anything else, in the end it turned out that her wonderful BF who proposed what a whore and living it large with everything with a pulse, and years later when I bumped into her she ended up slagging off the girl who she thought was the bees knees in school, she was and is a mega bitch.

What Im saying in a long winded way is that this is your life, you only get one, and in no way should this bitch infringe on your personal enjoyment of your life, yes college is there so you can get your education and that is what you should be focusing on. It is also a place to make friends and you can do that through joining clubs.

If and when this bitch speaks to you again you do need to stand up for yourself and tell her that her behaviour is to be pitied, try to distance yourself from her and get on with your year. She is nothing more than a bully who makes herself feel better by putting you down and unless you say stop and call her up on being a bitch she wont stop.

Mugatuu

OP, I understand how you're feeling! I'm going into my second year of college and there's one girl in the class who is constantly making me the butt of all her jokes, funny thing is I would never really talk to her or have anything to do with her and she just goes out of her way to make a joke of me! Walk away from these people they are not your friends! I walked away from a group of friends I had and I have never looked back, It seems really hard walking away from them but believe me it will make your life a hell of a lot easier and you will make new friends. As for the girl you confided in she's an insecure b*tch for going and gossiping about you like that, also she's an idiot for doing a masters just to stay in college with her boyfriend! Sorry to hear about your breakdown I hope you're feeling better.

thefeatheredcat

OP there's so much said here already but just realise something: none of this was your fault for a start and the issue was with your "friend", her problem, her issue because you scared her. You made her feel so threatened with your success, with your hard work and that power you have in all that that it made her so insecure about her own insignificance and self worth that she had to stoop so low and put you down and bully you and spread lies and gossip about you.

This is not a reflection of you or your hard work and you didn't cause this. She did. She could have behaved and reacted differently, but she didn't. She had complete control over her actions, even had the chance to be compassionate towards you when you spoke to her about her behaviour affecting you, which instead she used against you to make you like a "psycho" when it's her that is the psycho.

The housemates, the fella that didn't even know you, that all happily chomped away on what she said, lapped it up and in time, they will be stung too by her behaviour. They judged you on the basis of confidential information that was spun the way your "friend" wanted to get herself attention, to feel more secure in herself and to feel better, and she went about doing as much as possible of that in tearing you down.

Now, my best advice is go out there and have the time of your life, have nothing to do with these people, put them and all what happened behind you and if you need to speak to someone to get it out of you, do, sharing will help and just keep looking forward. Keep your head held high no matter what and forget about these people and don't waste your energy and the good kind person you are on people like this. If you run into them, don't bother with them and don't get dragged into stooping to their level. There are plenty of really lovely people out there who are caring and compassionate and won't treat you like they did.

LegacyUser

Sorry for the late reply everyone. Thanks for all your comments and painting the picture clearer for me. Each comment means a lot to me. I just felt so down and it still gets me a little bit mainly because I feel like I more or less wasted all my college years with them - where I feel like I should have made friends for life.

Starokan

That girl is a vile bully and as for the clown who made the post about the she devil just wow, its typical bullying behaviour where she has her cronies ready to back her up, I know it seems difficult now but you will make plenty of friends in the years to come that will be lifelong friends.

Stay as far away from this girl as you can, if you feel like contacting any of the other 3 girls then do so if you wish but I would be full on ignoring the main culprit here. Any friendship with her will be toxic in the extreme. My advice delete her from your phone, from facebook from your life and go on as if you had never met her.

You will meet loads of people in the next few years and when you do you will soon be able to put this idiot out of your mind forever

Roisy7

I know it sucks OP. But please don't feel as if you've wasted college over this pathetic person. It will get better and you'll make real friends. Leave this bitter individual behind and open yourself up to new experiences and friends. The best is yet to come xx

CatEyed92

Hey OP. That girl is a horrible, damaged bítch.

I can relate to you, perhaps on a smaller scale.
I left college recently and have a huge weight lifted off my shoulder. Not only because the course wasn't for me but because of the people I had to put up with. College is absolutely full of asshóles.
Throughout secondary school and college, due to my geniune nature, I unfortunately attracted asshóles, horrible boyfriends and vile, negative people.

Recently, my birthday came and went and not one friend came to my door or rang up that week to ask what was happening or even expressed an interest!?
I also put up with slagging like you, about my personal/love life, one friend in particular let something "slip" to a (excuse my french) shít stirrer we knew three months through college who loved nothing more than to bring it up constantly.
I have just walked away, not a word to them that I have left or why. And funnily enough, I am not missed.

I am happier in myself that these people are out of my life and I am now more focused on the course I want to be in.

OP - she is the problem, not you. She'll end up with the issues when she's older. Ignore her and cut her off. Soon, she'll be onto someone elses back. She sounds like an evil person and that's tragic. I feel sorry for unassuming people who meet her next and god help any children she'll eventually have because they'll bare the brunt of her issues....

By the way, if she continues to spread rumour's about you after you've cut her off - consider a solicitor and a case for slander. I know it seems extreme but these people need to get the message that what she's saying is slander. She is tarnishing you're character and it is causing damage to you. You're 21 and I assume she is the same age. She's an adult. Well, she's going to have to get with the real world because that's exactly what she's doing and you could take a case of slander against her if it continues. See what she's made of then. Keep it in mind.

Chin up OP and keep respecting yourself