Sleep issues for a couple recently living together

LegacyUser

Hi guys, my girlfriend of 2 years has just moved in with me which we are both very happy about. We have quite different sleep patterns and it's begin to affect the rest of my day. We both go to bed around the same time but her alarm goes off at 6:20am to wake her for the gym. She will press snooze twice and then get up. This alarm always wakes me and I can never get back to sleep and as I don't get up until 8am, this is really affecting my work. FYI, I go to the gym straight after work.

What do you think we should do?

Pippy1976

Get up and go to the gym with her in the morning.

stargazer 68

oiuhweoiuf wrote: »

She will press snooze twice and then get up.

OP my EX husband used to do that and to be honest I find it damn selfish. Set the alarm and get up when it goes off - this snooze thing is not on!

gara

Pippy1976 wrote: »

Get up and go to the gym with her in the morning.

Or maybe she could roll back on the banging around at the crack of dawn and go to the gym with him in the evening

Pippy1976

She could.

He really needs to talk to her about either of those two options.

gara wrote: »

Or maybe she could roll back on the banging around at the crack of dawn and go to the gym with him in the evening

woodchuck

At the VERY least she shouldn't be pressing the snooze button at all. Once that alarm goes off she should shut it off and get out of bed. Anything else is just selfish.

I'd suggest trying that first to see if it makes a difference. If not though one of you is going to have to compromise about the times you both go to the gym.

Dortilolma

OP, I'm in the exact same issue, me and boyfriend moved in together a couple of months back and have totally different sleeping patterns. We go to bed and wake up at completely different times, but we make it work.

He goes to a lot of effort coming to bed not to wake me and I do the same when I get up in the morning (I have quite a soft alarm and never hit snooze).

It is a bit thoughtless that she hits snooze a couple of times. Talk to her about it, tell her it's waking you up a lot earlier than you'd want to be up. Ask her to set her alarm at a time that she will actually get up an not hit snooze.

When you're sharing a space with another person it will only work if both people are conscientious of the other's needs, maybe she just needs you to point yours out.

R.D. aka MR.D

i had a similar problem with my ex. He could hit the snooze button 4 or 5 times!!

I recommend getting a sleep mask so that when the alarm goes off you don't open your eyes and be woken by the light.

Honestly this helped me a lot. I was still woken by it but was able to fall asleep again.

Squiggler

Firstly, I think you need to talk to her and see if you can come to some agreement about a good time for BOTH of you to get up and remind her that the alarm doesn't just wake her.

I had an ex who did the same, he would sometimes hit snooze 6 or 7 times! He really struggled to wake up properly in the morning and it used to drive me insane when he would roll over and start snoring after each alarm when I'd been wide awake from the first.

I started getting up when the first alarm went off, and adjusted my bedtime accordingly so I wouldn't be too tired. He started going to bed earlier too and that actually solved the problem.

Stench Blossoms

Ah come on.

Pressing the snooze button is selfish?

For as long as I've lived I haven't been able to get up as soon as the alarm went off.

Nody

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

Ah come on.

Pressing the snooze button is selfish?

For as long as I've lived I haven't been able to get up as soon as the alarm went off.

If you're waking your SO due to it then yes it is. That's part of living together to make adjustments to your daily routines and if the adjustments are to great then the relationship needs to end, simple as.

Pippy1976

Slightly OTT here. It's only an alarm that's annoying him. If he can't cope with that (and sort out something that works for both of them) then he's not relationship material!!

It's a flippin' snooze button. I agree with @Stench Blossoms. Easily resolvable, not the end of the world.

Nody wrote: »

If you're waking your SO due to it then yes it is. That's part of living together to make adjustments to your daily routines and if the adjustments are to great then the relationship needs to end, simple as.

Squiggler

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

Ah come on.

Pressing the snooze button is selfish?

For as long as I've lived I haven't been able to get up as soon as the alarm went off.

The OP's girlfriend is waking him more than an hour and a half earlier than he would choose and at least 30 minutes earlier than she needs to wake (if she is hitting snooze several times before getting up).

That is selfish.

Stench Blossoms

Squiggler wrote: »

The OP's girlfriend is waking him more than an hour and a half earlier than he would choose and at least 30 minutes earlier than she needs to wake (if she is hitting snooze several times before getting up).

That is selfish.

Well it's not like she's doing it on purpose.

Pippy1976

And maybe he could tell her how irritating it is. She's not going to stop doing it unless she knows it's annoying him.

Say it. Discuss it. Solve it. Drop it.

Stench Blossoms wrote: »

Well it's not like she's doing it on purpose.

Merkin

The OP doesn't have to get up until 8am so she is waking him up a full 100 minutes of blissful sleepy time by setting the alarm WAY earlier than she needs to. To a bed monster like me this would be cause for divorce. If she insists on going to the gym in the morning then she needs to set it for the latest possible time that she has to get up if it means the OP can't get back to sleep after. Simples. He should also think about going to the gym a couple of times with her in the morning to avoid this if he can.

Piliger

oiuhweoiuf wrote: »

Hi guys, my girlfriend of 2 years has just moved in with me which we are both very happy about. We have quite different sleep patterns and it's begin to affect the rest of my day. We both go to bed around the same time but her alarm goes off at 6:20am to wake her for the gym. She will press snooze twice and then get up. This alarm always wakes me and I can never get back to sleep and as I don't get up until 8am, this is really affecting my work. FYI, I go to the gym straight after work.

What do you think we should do?

I think you both need to sit and and get a grip of yourselves, to be honest.

OP - you knew her lifestyle when you agreed to move in together. You knew her gym habits. Didn't you discuss this ? I mean ... come on ... you're not playing house like pair of children. This is the kind of stuff that living together entails.

You both need to mature and hammer out a compromise. Either way this snooze thing needs to stop. that is just totally antisocial and should have been nipped in the bud in the first week.

ihsb

This happened in my relationship too... even when we were aiming to be out of the house at the same time he needed the snooze.

I explained how much it was effecting me. He has since started getting up after the first alarm, then napping on the sofa while the other snoozes go off. All that time I can sleep peacefully and then get straight up when my alarm goes off. Works a treat.

LegacyUser

Myself and my boyf had this problem. I put in earplugs and asked him not to press the snooze button. it worked fine! after a while, I got into the habit of falling asleep straight away but it took a little while :-)

Muir

My boyfriend did the snooze thing too, drove me mad! He says that it's nice to wake up & know you can sleep again for another 10 mins & so on. I told him how irritating it was for me because while he falls back asleep really easily, I don't. So he's stopped doing it now.
Just talk to her & you should be able to sort it out.

stoneill

Just get up and stop bitching.

purplepapillon

Muir wrote: »

it's nice to wake up & know you can sleep again for another 10 mins & so on.

I love this

But, when I moved in with my now ex, I did not do this. I didn't even think of it. It's completely selfish in my opinion. I did get up earlier than him, but when my alarm went off, I got up quietly and got out. No point in doing otherwise. OP, you need to tell your OH that this is not on. Pressing snooze once is pushing it, but any more, just selfish. Maybe have a sit down, not a big deal, just mention that you'd appreciate if she didn't "snooze". You shouldn't have to alter your own gym habits. Why are people even suggesting they go together, maybe it's a thing they do apart. Neither of them should change their gym time.

LegacyUser

For the people saying just get up at the same time and stop moaning it's really not as simple as that. Our sleep patterns are pretty ingrained by the time we become adults and many find it very difficult to make major changes to their sleep. Not everyone can wake up and go back to sleep for another short bit - the OP is not just being woken up earlier then he is use to but he is being woken up repeatedly as the OH hits the snooze. Messing around with your sleep pattern can make someone very cranky and can effect their health long term. I sleep very little, 4 hours at night if I'm lucky but when I sleep I sleep like the dead, nothing short of an earthquake is waking me. My OH needs at least 8 hours or he can't function and is a very light sleeper. It took alot of talking and working together to find a situation to suit our living together.

The OP and OH may not belong to the same gym or they may just not want to work out together - they already live together, they don't need to live out of each others pockets. The OP needs to sit down and have a talk with his OH and they can try a sleep mask or ear plugs for him and have her agree not to hit the snooze or maybe have her look into a silent vibrating alarm. Talking to each other is key here.

Taltos

stoneill - please review our charter. If you have no constructive advice to add in a civil manner as per our charter and the site rules then you are requested not to post at all. Ignoring the rules here can and does earn posters a ban from this forum.

Regards
Taltos

carriemc

Hey guys, I'm the OH the OP showed me this thread while we were talking about how to fix the issue.
Had to laugh, I don't press snooze on my alarm. I have two alarms One is at 6:30 and the other is at 6:36 the 6:36 alarm is turned off if I get up at 6:30 but if say I stay in bed for a snuggle with my boyfriend it goes off in case we happen to fall asleep. When I said this to him he was baffled as he was convinced that I was pressing snooze for ages...

We have an en-suite which I now get ready for the gym in, having moved all my gym gear into it the night before in an effort not to keep the OP awake.

I personally think that it is something we will both have to get used to among many other things. Him checking his phone slash ipad for emails and facebook when my alarm goes off doesn't help him get back to sleep.

Plus I have to fall asleep with the glow of the ipad since I go to sleep earlier (for my 6:30am start ;-)

I'm sure there will be MANY other posts from him, considering this is the first time either of us has lived with a partner.

Piliger

OP - It sounds like you are really up against it

gara

carriemc wrote: »

Hey guys, I'm the OH the OP showed me this thread while we were talking about how to fix the issue.
Had to laugh, I don't press snooze on my alarm. I have two alarms One is at 6:30 and the other is at 6:36 the 6:36 alarm is turned off if I get up at 6:30 but if say I stay in bed for a snuggle with my boyfriend it goes off in case we happen to fall asleep. When I said this to him he was baffled as he was convinced that I was pressing snooze for ages...

We have an en-suite which I now get ready for the gym in, having moved all my gym gear into it the night before in an effort not to keep the OP awake.

I personally think that it is something we will both have to get used to among many other things. Him checking his phone slash ipad for emails and facebook when my alarm goes off doesn't help him get back to sleep.

Plus I have to fall asleep with the glow of the ipad since I go to sleep earlier (for my 6:30am start ;-)

I'm sure there will be MANY other posts from him, considering this is the first time either of us has lived with a partner.

Why are you here defending yourself to the internet instead of resolving this with your boyfriend? As in, what are you hoping to achieve by coming here justifying yourself to strangers? Because to be honest it just smacks of you needlessly perpetuating the issue

I don't know why you 'had to laugh' and needed to clarify about having two alarms as opposed to pressing snooze either -the end result is still the same, your boyfriend being woken far earlier than necessary.

Also, it doesn't really reflect very well that your boyfriend's sleep is being habitually disturbed and you're here pointing out petty corrections to his original post. I hope you aren't as unreasonable as you come across.

P. Breathnach

carriemc wrote: »

... I personally think that it is something we will both have to get used to among many other things....

That's the nub of the thing: people moving in together have to get used to one another's ways. It involves a bit of give and take and also an element of habituation.

One can get used to an alarm going off very early, and eventually manage not to surface entirely from one's sleep, but settle down for another hour or so of shut-eye.

Irish_Elect_Eng

I had to laugh when I read this as it reminded me of a good friend with a similar "little problem".

His then loved-up girlfriend, now wife was a big offender with both the snooze button and the clumping about the bedroom and the wide pen curtains etc. He solved this in a most creative fashion. Each morning that she woke him, he rolled over and initiated sex / happy-times / nookie with her, it took about 10 days before she was rising quietly and sneaking out of the bedroom like a Church mouse.

Every problem is an opportunity in wolves clothing.

Glendambo

gara wrote: »

Why are you here defending yourself to the internet instead of resolving this with your boyfriend? As in, what are you hoping to achieve by coming here justifying yourself to strangers? Because to be honest it just smacks of you needlessly perpetuating the issue

I don't know why you 'had to laugh' and needed to clarify about having two alarms as opposed to pressing snooze either -the end result is still the same, your boyfriend being woken far earlier than necessary.

Also, it doesn't really reflect very well that your boyfriend's sleep is being habitually disturbed and you're here pointing out petty corrections to his original post. I hope you aren't as unreasonable as you come across.

Jesus, thats a bit harsh. In fairness, why is the boyfriend posting here instead of resolving it with his girlfriend? They are in an adult relationship and living together yet he felt the need to post here. He painted a very poor picture of her and multiple posters have called her selfish, so fair play to her for clarifying things.

I don't see how her pointing out that her other half checks his phone when he wakes up is a "petty correction". He's hardly going to go back to sleep if he is checking his email now is he? He's not exactly helping himself. Also, he said that her alarm goes off at 6:20 and she presses snooze twice. She has clarified that this isn't the case at all. Her alarm is set for 6:30 and 6:36 and she said herself that the second alarm doesn't always go off.

This is something they need to resolve between them and I really don't see how she is being unreasonable. If his work is being affected because of an hour of sleep he's missing then why doesn't he turn the iPad off an hour earlier and get some sleep then? They need to come to a compromise on this but he needs to look at his own actions too. Not turning on his phone/iPad when he's woken by her in the morning would help.

1chippy

Glendambo wrote: »

Jesus, thats a bit harsh. In fairness, why is the boyfriend posting here instead of resolving it with his girlfriend? They are in an adult relationship and living together yet he felt the need to post here. He painted a very poor picture of her and multiple posters have called her selfish, so fair play to her for clarifying things.

I don't see how her pointing out that her other half checks his phone when he wakes up is a "petty correction". He's hardly going to go back to sleep if he is checking his email now is he? He's not exactly helping himself. Also, he said that her alarm goes off at 6:20 and she presses snooze twice. She has clarified that this isn't the case at all. Her alarm is set for 6:30 and 6:36 and she said herself that the second alarm doesn't always go off.

This is something they need to resolve between them and I really don't see how she is being unreasonable. If his work is being affected because of an hour of sleep he's missing then why doesn't he turn the iPad off an hour earlier and get some sleep then? They need to come to a compromise on this but he needs to look at his own actions too. Not turning on his phone/iPad when he's woken by her in the morning would help.

Maybe this is his way of fixing it, by showing his girl and all. Its great how everyone becomes so judgemental over people they dont even know and their relationships. no 2 are the same.