Bullying

gsxr1

My 8 year old son is being bullied by a lad down the street who is much bigger and a year than him.

His mother has been approached twice and gave us BS about his temper and how he is going through therapy.

I dont care as the little Sh1ts outlet has been my son.

My lad is waking in the night terrified .


If i grab this lad and give him a shift kick in the hole, how do I fair with the garda . I dont see why I should not be allowed to stand up for my son when he is being physically assaulted on a weekly basis. I am very angry and becoming so upset seeing my child tortured , I have come to the point where I need to lose the PC outlook and give the bully boy a threat at least.

What am I to do??

hollster2

hi I hate that excuse from mothers, I dont know about approaching the child even though ive done it myself.

I brought my kids to the park and this 1 child wouldnt leave my daughter alone so i went up to him and said leave her alone all you are is a bully even though i wanted to give him a kick up the arse, no sign of the parents eventually this man appeared to get him to apologise.

To this child on your road,
If hes having therapy theres steps she should be going through to calm him down not letting him take out his anger on your poor kids some parents it seems its just an excuse for her not have to deal with him.

My nephew gets therapy even though hes not harmed another child and i know he wouldnt its up to the parent to control what they call (MELTDOWNS)

To be honest id keep at the mother until theres a stop to this because this will stay and affect your child all his life.

Your poor child he must be terrified.
I had the same experience as a child id get bullied at home on my road off this kid and when I went to school, I still think off this still wishing id done something back my mum and dad did the same there parents didnt seem to care they got to the point they got there solicitors involved it was so bad it stopped after that im 28 now if anyone started that on my kids it would be sorted and finished fairly quicky.

You need to go back to this mother if it was me some just dont care and look for any old excuse.

littleredspot

I can only imagine how you're feeling and I'm sure giving the guy a dose of his own medicine feels like the right thing to do, but if you lay a hand on him, you're going down a very bad route.

Even if you don't hurt him, his parent will probably make a complaint to the guards and they won't take your side.

I'd say keeping on at the parents should do the trick, or at the very least he'll pick on someone else:(

mitosis

OP, if he is being assaulted, get your lad some boxing lessons. For as long as he is cowed he will be bullied. You need to enable him to stand up to the bigger lad, then it will stop.

I have direct experience of this from when my kid was about that age. That's what we did and now the problem has gone.

Sleepy

Teach your son how to throw a punch.

It's not the PC answer but as someone who did well in school and was genuinely interested in most of the subjects we did, I was a fairly natural target for bullies in both of the schools I attended (moved across the country mid-way through 2nd year). The answer to a bully is always the same: split his lip and he'll find a different target.

gsxr1

That was my first thought. I inquired about boxing lessons last week. He is booked in to start on the the 4th September. Im not sure if it will be a way to get the better of the bigger kid in the short term, but I am hoping it will help with the fear he has.

I have been trying to convince him that he must hit back, even if it means getting knocked down, but I can imagine how scary this must be for him. The other kid is 2 stone heaver and obese . He is quite strong . My lad is a skinny thing and is being thrown to the ground . THe bully likeS to wait till my son cycles by and pushes him of his bike. Then attacks him.

This has to stop . Its hard not to want to give him a dose of his own medicine, but im a grown man. How would that look!

thomasm

gsxr1 wrote: »

That was my first thought. I inquired about boxing lessons last week. He is booked in to start on the the 4th September. Im not sure if it will be a way to get the better of the bigger kid in the short term, but I am hoping it will help with the fear he has.

I have been trying to convince him that he must hit back, even if it means getting knocked down, but I can imagine how scary this must be for him. The other kid is 2 stone heaver and obese . He is quite strong . My lad is a skinny thing and is being thrown to the ground . THe bully likeS to wait till my son cycles by and pushes him of his bike. Then attacks him.

This has to stop . Its hard not to want to give him a dose of his own medicine, but im a grown man. How would that look!

Jesus my blood is boiling and he's not my son. Find his father and let him know in know in no uncertain terms this had to stop.

His son hits your son his father pays the price. I cfuking hate bullies.

Broxi_Bear_Eire

thomasm wrote: »

Jesus my blood is boiling and he's not my son. Find his father and let him know in know in no uncertain terms this had to stop.

His son hits your son his father pays the price. I cfuking hate bullies.

That worked for me. A number of years ago my eldest who was 9 at the time was getting bullied and physically abused by a boy and his wee gang I mean hit with sticks and belts etc. Now the leader of this crowd just would not back off even though the parents of the other boys had warned them and they stopped. Anyway I arranged a meeting with the school principal and the boys father and of course the excuses were trotted out and the principal wasn't willing or was unable to take any action, so I warned the father if his boy went near mine much less hit him I would be round at his door and he would be getting a kicking. I hate violence for violence sake but it had to be done.
It worked for a year or so and in the mean time my boy and filled out a bit and had grown in confidence, the other lad decided to have a go at mine and ended up with a black eye and two teeth short.

Sorry for rambling but if there is the one thing I really hate it is bullying

SerialComplaint

gsxr1 wrote: »

THe bully likeS to wait till my son cycles by and pushes him of his bike.

Tell your lad to cycle into the fat bully. He'll probably hurt himself a bit in falling off the bike, but hopefully he'll hurt the bully more.

guitarzero

mitosis wrote: »

OP, if he is being assaulted, get your lad some boxing lessons. For as long as he is cowed he will be bullied. You need to enable him to stand up to the bigger lad, then it will stop.

I have direct experience of this from when my kid was about that age. That's what we did and now the problem has gone.

I've always had it that if I had a kid, be they girl or boy, they'd do self defense of some kind. I've witnessed bullying which was sickening and the idea of it happening to my kids would be a lot to bear.

Get him enrolled in self defense. This will be something that will always stand to him.

gsxr1

guitarzero wrote: »

I've always had it that if I had a kid, be they girl or boy, they'd do self defense of some kind. I've witnessed bullying which was sickening and the idea of it happening to my kids would be a lot to bear.

Get him enrolled in self defense. This will be something that will always stand to him.

complete agreement. He has no sports. No interest in football so it would be a win situation to get him into a club. Im thinking of joining with him so he will not be out there on his own.

He told me he did challenge the bully yesterday, but he was landed on the ground again, but im so proud he had the courage to stand against him.

hollster2

gsxr1 wrote: »

complete agreement. He has no sports. No interest in football so it would be a win situation to get him into a club. Im thinking of joining with him so he will not be out there on his own.

He told me he did challenge the bully yesterday, but he was landed on the ground again, but im so proud he had the courage to stand against him.

thats brilliant he stood up to him if he keeps doing that hopefully it will stop

CrazyRabbit

You absolutely cannot assault the bully. To do so would make you the bully of someone much smaller/weaker than you. (No doubt the mods are going to have some snipping to do in this thread).

There are a few options.

Short Term:
1. Get the Gardai involved. The parents of the bully & the bully himself might take more notice if it's a Gardai telling them to stop.
2. Try to ensure that your son is not out on his own. It's best if he is in a group of friends as much as possible. Bullies don't target groups.

Medium Term:
Self defense classes. Size & strength is nowhere near as important as skill and technique. With the right training, your son would not only be able to defend himself against bigger boys, but he would gain confidence as well.

Long Term:
This is the really hard area that takes a long time to put in effect.
1. He needs to learn how to deal with bullies so that they quickly stop targeting him. This includes what to say & how to react/not react. The self defense classes mentioned above are part of this.
Work together with your son to prepare some responses (words + reactions).

2. He needs to learn to not get angry...either visible to the bully, or internally. This is sooo hard but is the most important. The anger (along with the feeling of helplessness) is what will damage your son the most.
Once your son understands that getting angry is what the bully wants to happen, it will be a good incentive to not allow himself to get angry again.

3. He also needs to learn how to give off an impression of confidence & happiness. Bullies don't target the confident, happy looking kids.
I think the best way to teach this is by example. Point out other people/kids who look confident and explain why you think this is & what effect this might have on the bully.

hollster2

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

You absolutely cannot assault the bully. To do so would make you the bully of someone much smaller/weaker than you. (No doubt the mods are going to have some snipping to do in this thread).

There are a few options.

Short Term:
1. Get the Gardai involved. The parents of the bully & the bully himself might take more notice if it's a Gardai telling them to stop.
2. Try to ensure that your son is not out on his own. It's best if he is in a group of friends as much as possible. Bullies don't target groups.

Medium Term:
Self defense classes. Size & strength is nowhere near as important as skill and technique. With the right training, your son would not only be able to defend himself against bigger boys, but he would gain confidence as well.

Long Term:
This is the really hard area that takes a long time to put in effect.
1. He needs to learn how to deal with bullies so that they quickly stop targeting him. This includes what to say & how to react/not react. The self defense classes mentioned above are part of this.
Work together with your son to prepare some responses (words + reactions).

2. He needs to learn to not get angry...either visible to the bully, or internally. This is sooo hard but is the most important. The anger (along with the feeling of helplessness) is what will damage your son the most.
Once your son understands that getting angry is what the bully wants to happen, it will be a good incentive to not allow himself to get angry again.

3. He also needs to learn how to give off an impression of confidence & happiness. Bullies don't target the confident, happy looking kids.
I think the best way to teach this is by example. Point out other people/kids who look confident and explain why you think this is & what effect this might have on the bully.

no one saying to assault him hes telling him to stick up for himself i take it youve never been bullied? for a child its the worst possible thing to experience, all people are saying is for his child not to let the kid bully him and to challenge if he comes nmear him.

zzdp

this happened to my son at around the same age.(he is now 15)we tried every thing, we told to avoid him, we spoke to his parents,we told him to hit back only to find that my son might throw a light kick or slap and would get a full force dig or kick back, so this did not work.Thankfully they were in different schools. we got him to join kick boxing(non contact)which did help as he learned how to block these digs so never got hurt.we kept him away from him as much as possible without isolating him from the other kids on the street.I did find that as they got older the attacks lessened as the bully found others to pick on . At around 12 this chap went to hit him to show off in front of some other kids and my son decided he had enough and pined him to the ground, and my son told him he that if he wanted to hurt him he could and that he was never to touch him again.the bully went home and never went near him again in fact he never really went on the street again. so in the end my son found his own way to deal with him.


hope this helps.

by the way my son was not into football ect. but took to the kick boxing like a duck to water, he made plenty of friends and got his black belt. he would never hit anyone now but could defend himself and the kick boxing made him very fit.

CrazyRabbit

hollster2 wrote: »

no one saying to assault him hes telling him to stick up for himself i take it youve never been bullied? for a child its the worst possible thing to experience, all people are saying is for his child not to let the kid bully him and to challenge if he comes nmear him.

I was bullied severely as a child, by other children and teachers. The tips I gave come from personal experience. If they worked for me...

And there is mention of assaulting the bully:

If i grab this lad and give him a shift kick in the hole

There's also this bit about suggesting that the son assault the bully:

Tell your lad to cycle into the fat bully.

hollster2

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

I was bullied severely as a child, by other children and teachers. The tips I gave come from personal experience. If they worked for me...

And there is mention of assaulting the bully:


There's also this bit about suggesting that the son assault the bully:

ok i apologise i did too i dont think the parent will go through with doing that just frustrated like anyone would be.

the_syco

Was bullied in secondary school by one of the lads, but after I fought back (lost badly in the fight) he stopped, and got on grand with him afterwards.

Violence is pretty much the only solution when it comes to most bullies. Most child bullies understand two things;
outside school the school can't control them
under 18 they can get away with pretty much anything

So even if the school kept him away for your kid, the bully can still bully outside the school. Get your kid into boxing, and buy him a set of weights.

diceyreilly

Just heard that some 17 year old young fella killed himself in Swords last night over bullying.
I really hope no one finds out who they were the scumbags cos they will get what's coming to them.

Sleepy

the_syco wrote: »

buy him a set of weights.

The only part of the syco's thread I'd disagree with.

Weight training is best done when you've attained your full height. Apparently, prior to this it can redirect the growth hormones into muscle development.

Joining a boxing club would be an excellent idea though. Also, like the_syco points out: it's not necessary to win a fight to put off a bully. One or two punches landed properly and they learn that while they might beat you, it won't be painless.

hollster2

diceyreilly wrote: »

Just heard that some 17 year old young fella killed himself in Swords last night over bullying.
I really hope no one finds out who they were the scumbags cos they will get what's coming to them.

omg thats terrible kids and teenagers can be just horrible hope they find out who they were.

gsxr1

CrazyRabbit wrote: »

I was bullied severely as a child, by other children and teachers. The tips I gave come from personal experience. If they worked for me...

And there is mention of assaulting the bully:


There's also this bit about suggesting that the son assault the bully:

Your right about me . I was and still am very angry and my first train of thought is to defend my own. But then I would become a bully and assaulting a child would defiantly be the wrong way to go.

As for my kid assaulting him. I would love to see my lad assaulting back the bully and maybe the bullying would stop.

I really appreciate your advise and I am considering it still.

He will be training in boxing classes soon and both of us are looking forward to it.

After his attempt at a fight back (where he was beaten), he has gained in confidence and intends to fight back again. He just has to learn how.

ZZBTs story is where I want go with my lad.

Thanks . This thread has been very helpful so far.

beatrice33

I just thought this article written by a 15 year old reflecting on her own bullying experience would be useful for this thread. Check on the advice she gives.

http://www.meetmums.ie/blog/i-was-bullied-in-primary-school

Bullying is an awful thing, and it doesn’t matter if it’s not physical, or *only* physical, or verbal and physical, if someone is making you hurt in some way, it’s bullying

gsxr1

So he went to boxing tonight.

No joy. I did not like it. He thought it was to hard.

Im trying to convince him that its meant to be tough. But he is not having any of it.

I dunno...

sweeney1971

My mates Grand Daughter is 3 years old and its a little sh*t already. Screams and cries and what it want it gets. Took it on the Park and it proceeded to bite, kick and scratch the other children. My mate keeps telling her daughter that its a brat and out of control, her idea of parenting is to give it sweets to keep it quiet. She says the Teachers will sort her behavior out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is not down to the Teachers.

The parent of this Brat is to blame. If she cannot control it report her to the Social Services. Something is wrong at home if it feels it can hurt another child for no reason.

CrazyRabbit

gsxr1 wrote: »

So he went to boxing tonight.

No joy. I did not like it. He thought it was to hard.

Im trying to convince him that its meant to be tough. But he is not having any of it.

I dunno...

Boxing is too aggressive. Judo/Karate/Taekwondo would be better as they focus on defense and are more 'passive'.

CrazyRabbit

sweeney1971 wrote: »

My mates Grand Daughter is 3 years old and its a little sh*t already. Screams and cries and what it want it gets. Took it on the Park and it proceeded to bite, kick and scratch the other children. My mate keeps telling her daughter that its a brat and out of control, her idea of parenting is to give it sweets to keep it quiet. She says the Teachers will sort her behavior out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is not down to the Teachers.

The parent of this Brat is to blame. If she cannot control it report her to the Social Services. Something is wrong at home if it feels it can hurt another child for no reason.

There are bullies everywhere. Even adult ones. In the long run, it is better to learn how to deal with them directly. And unfortunately, Social Services would not be able to do much in this case. They need clear evidence of parental fault before they are allowed to do anything.

rebecca 30

Try more than 1 sport , try 20 if you have too, I have both my kids in 5 sports to keep them of the streets and away from scumbags living near me,

Call community garda and tell the parent that you will get the bully a asbo / caution , and yes 8 year old can get them,

Good luck & keep calm

gsxr1

im going to send him up next week again. Maybe when he sees the guys and girls he started with there he may like it. I would love to go myself but those guys my size where... powerful to say the least.
if he says no after a second time then he can quit.

cynder

gsxr1 wrote: »

im going to send him up next week again. Maybe when he sees the guys and girls he started with there he may like it. I would love to go myself but those guys my size where... powerful to say the least.
if he says no after a second time then he can quit.

My 12 year old daughter does kick boxing, she loves it. the routine changes every week so you don't get bored. There are 2 other teen girls that started and 4 teen boys, some if these tried boxing but it didn't tick the right boxes for them but they love the kickboxing.

I do the kickboxing with my daughter it's all round fitness and they throw in light weighs as well. We do bag work, stretches, punching, kicking, sparing, cool.down and more stretches. My daughter's been doing it for 4 months and got her first belt last month. The belt system gives you something to work towards and when you get your belt your rewarded and proud of your effort..

If your son doesn't take to boxing try kickboxing.

Most martial arts do kickboxing for 8-12 year olds. My daughter in the 13- 99 because she does it with me and Is 13 this month.