False Hope/ Denial

LegacyUser

Late 20's, had a turbulent relationship with my ex-gf that finally came to an end in April. We were together on and off for about three years, with her periodically in that time breaking it off, re-emerging 1-3 months later, and me foolish enough to accept her back and doggedly pursue the relationship again.

She was repeatedly callous and self-interested in respect of each break-up, and moved on pretty quick in terms of hooking up with other people. In fact, according to her it was always my fault and my failings that would lead to these break-ups. While I'm under no illusions about being the perfect partner, I do believe I'm good partner material, considerate, loving etc etc.

So, pretty much a car crash and a non-runner- on paper that much is obvious. And yet the sad thing is, I still find myself pining after her and hoping that she'll come back yet again. Truth be told, I still feel very much in love with her despite knowing that she's most likely moved on, that it's a non-runner anyway, and that she is wholly unable to partake in a healthy relationship etc.

What my head knows my heart doesn't seem to want to understand. To say it's frustrating is a massive understatement. I know objectively speaking I have ownership over this, that I can choose not to partake in such unhealthy thinking etc, but the reality of the matter is very different.

Reading this post back makes me feel more than a little queasy. I should also mention that we have been 'no contact' since break-up, and she has made no intimations of wanting to get back or resolve anything. And yep, I've made the usual efforts of pursuing hobbies, gym etc that you do when you want to move on from a break-up.

So, all in all, I feel nuts and more than a little crazy! Deluded is probably a better way of describing it. Anybody else ever find themselves in a similar predicament? Advice much appreciated, thanks all.

jessiejam

I know its a cliche but time is a great healer. Try and focus on why the relationship broke down and why ye can't be together. Funny how we always remember the happy times and tend to forget the bad.

There will be someone come into your life and you will realise that the old relationship wasn't right to begin with.

Stavro Mueller

It's understandable because she was a major part of your life for 3 years. Some people get over these things more quickly than others so don't beat yourself up about that. In a way you're grieving and that can take a while. Weirdly, what has helped me sometimes is to sit down at a computer or get a pen and paper and write out the issue. Read it, then destroy it. I've found it to be cathartic and it helps me more than trashing an issue around in my head. It might not work for you of course but that's what I do.

Gooner111

It will take time and for everyone that time is different. It can take longer for some to move on compared to others. Don't feel you have to rush or anything like that. Concentrate on yourself. Keep up with your hobbies... distraction is a good thing. You also have to be strong too. If she gets in contact again you have to say No. Stick with no contact. Then when your ready you can find someone who will love you as much as you do them.