The ex and I

shampooman

Hey,

Hope everyone has had a good week. Basically myself and the ex ( lets her her the dragon - I joke) split over 3 months ago. Leading up to the break up we were constantly on and off. Anyways since the break up we have got on famously well. She's a great person and someone who I very much respect. We have spent alot time together since the break up, such as watching dvd's together,cinema and have worked together on a number of things.

Now we have a policy about not talking about what we are doing in regards to metting other people etc. She has asked me a number of times if I'm meeting someone etc Anyways last Monday she texted me after a whole weekend of no contact which is unusual for us. She then asked would it be ok if she called over to the house. I was totally cool with that. At the house she then proceeded to tell me that she's sad about us, that she would be very thick if she heard or saw me with someone else etc. Now thats fair enough but I have seen her tagged in pictures on facebook at house parties with guys there and to be fair she is very goodlooking and single so I'd imagine she surely been with few guys since we broke up. I'm cool with that. Obviously not thrilled but it's not my business so I get on with it. Anyways I told her thats fair enough and that I would never throw it in her face. She then hinted about us getting back together or least that how I picked it up...it was a bit subtle.

Anyways during the week I've been cracking on to her, in a very light hearted way but she wants us to hold off because we have issues and she thinks it would be madness to jump back straight in which to be fair again I pretty much agree with. My problem is I feel like I've been kinda messed about. I've gone on dates and have had fun with the single life but I find it very hard to give anyone else a proper chance while she is still on the scene. I came to the conclusion yesterday that I am probably still in love with her. Her reaction to me cracking on to her is a funny one. The moment I cracked on to her she seemed genuinely delighted but didnt take it any further. On reflection I think she just wanted to know that I havent met anyone that I really really like and in doing so move on from her but at the same time not wanting to be with me at least in the immediate future.

We are totally best friends and as I mentioned get on fantastic so I guess the usual advice of distance and cut contact wouldn't really be viable plus we work together and even booked a concert together in October. It's a bit silly but maybe she dosent want to get back together just to save face with her family and friends because it did seem we were always on and off and on again. Our relationship is great craic but we are both strong minded which can lead to arguments. I sit her and I kinda think I was lead on a bit or in her defense maybe after weekend of no contact she just wanted to make sure I wasn t getting serious with someone or something along those lines.

Just realsied I have written an essay. Really sorry about that. I guess it does feel good being able to share

Thanks!

Sean

LegacyUser

I'm gona be blunt op,from a womans perspective it sounds like she's just stringing you along while testing the waters to see if she can find anyone better, and you're being kept as her backup plan in case she doesn't...I'd imagine it was her who broke up with you? Either way it sounds like you're being played big time, by keeping you in her life she knows you won't be able to move on and she can keep you wrapped around her finger. If she was really as sad about you breaking up as she claims theres no way she could bear to be around you that much so soon, she'd be in bits -cut contact op and move on, you deserve more than being a backup plan

Idle Passerby

You admit your in love with her and that she's your best friend so you dont want to cut contact. Your in for a long period of confused feelings, blurred boundaries and generally not moving on.

shampooman

Hey lads thanks for the replies! I guess it's hard to describe the relationship in depth. She wouldn't be the type to string me along or use me as a back up plan. We are genuinely great friends and she has been great to me since the break up and I think I've been good to her.

I think both of us cant bare being apart from each other hence the constant contact. In the past she has dumped guy's and stopped all contact and moved on but I guess with us there is more. Also she didn't call an end to our relationship..it was mutual and to be honest I'm the one who brought it up.

She has guys coming on to her the whole time so I'd imagine if she wanted to move on she could easily do so. We do have issue and I dont even know if us getting back together would be a great idea..at least in the immediate future so she does have a valid point which I agree with. I am having fun with the single life it's just in can be difficult when I dont know what I want.

Bit of a headwreck but shur I'll live Thanks for the replies!

jimmycrackcorm

You really need to come to a decision instead of this wishy-washy relationship. You even recognize it in saying you cannot give anyone else a chance. Force the issue to either get back together or stay good friends and get involved with someone else. Make a decision and stick with it regardless of your feelings.

Mighty_Mouse

If you love her, tell her, ask her to be with you again, learn your lessons from the last time around.
If she rejects you, then you know where you stand. You can close the book and begin to rebuild.

ShaShaBear

It sounds very much like she is using your feelings to make sure you don't move on. She doesn't think getting back together in the immediate future would be a good idea, but she would be very thick if she found out you were seeing someone else? Even though you have a mutual understanding about NOT discussing this and she brings it up anyway?

What your ex is afraid of is that you will move on while she decides when and if you are the right guy for her. Innocent though her intentions are, she's trying to sabotage your single life to protect herself.

shampooman

Thanks lads! I would thank all the posts but I'm not sure how :P I went on a date last night and had great fun so I'm just going to remain friends with her but draw the line there. No more chancing/cracking on to her and just keep it on good friend terms. We broke of for a reason I think I actually need to grow a pair and move on. Thanks everyone for the advive and opinion. Much appreciated!