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How to deal with a friend who is a fantasist?

  • 16-08-2012 2:17pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've been friends with Ann for 9 years. Her past has always seemed a bit suspicious to me as a lot of it has been so extraordinary. I went to visit her recently and she told me a. her boyfriend proposed to her and b. she was in touch with a member of my family on a few occasions to ask them for help and support. The boyfriend and my family member have told me that both these situations are untrue. She has told obvious lies before but I didn't verify them as they were things about her and they weren't hurting anybody. She also told me that she lost a baby and I'm wondering if this is true. All the things she tells me are either said to elicit sympathy or are things that in reality she would like to be true i.e. the help/support and the engagement. Should I confront her/ or her boyfriend about these things or should I just leave it? She might deny that she said any of it. In my opinion this kind of imaginary life is very unhealthy. I'm concerned and also annoyed that she is lying to me but I don't want to upset her as she is a good friend regardless of her mental state.


Comments

  • #2
    MJ23
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,039 ✭✭✭MJ23


    Confront her on it. Sounds to me like she's a pathological liar, and an attention seeker.
    If i were you i would move on and let her on with herself. Let her find someone else to tell lies to.
    If she tells you lies the whole time, she must not have much respect for you.


  • #3
    edellc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭edellc


    I dont think its about not having respect for you OP, some people just cant help themselves and lie to get attention for whatever reason.

    The problem is, if you confront her she will either get very angry due to her being caught out and totally mortified and cut you out of her life, or break down and tell you how horrible she feels her life is and does this to escape the reality. If she does the former well that is her out of your life unless you wish to remain in contact and try and help if she will allow it, and if she does the latter then its probably best she gets a counsellor to talk through her issues.

    People fabricate the truth for many different reasons and one major one is escapism from the reality of their life for whatever reason, its mostly not done through malice and usually there is a under lying problem of depression.

    If you do decide to talk to your friend thread carefully and encourage her to seek the help that she needs.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Confront her and ask her to prove her stories. was in a similar situation where the person claimed to be ill, said her bf cheated with her best friend and got her pregnant and had issues with her family . got completely sucked into this persons lies and untruths and was put under alot of stress at a time when i could have done without it! Over the course of almost a year this went on and the stories got more exterme and unbelieveable and eventually questioned her and asked for proof......was not able to show anything or did anything to prove any part of her story.

    felt so sick to the very core when realised had been fooled in such a way and that someone wld make up such stories. have come to terms with it now and feel a sense of relief that i dont have to listen to it anymore and wonder what was going to come next!

    confront her, ask for proof and if she cant give it to you to on your terms cut her loose and dont look back. life is too short to be dealing with attention seekers!


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