unrequited

LegacyUser

Old school friend. finally told him and got no. Had to cut contact completely and lost a friend too. I wish I never told him. It's like a double whammy.
I still feel him too much and feel his hand touch.

I just can't seem to cut that connection and it doesn't seem to fade. I've let go before easily enough. I know I've also lost a friend and I recognise that that will take a while to let go off and he was always really good to me, but we really didn't see each other that much.

I don't want to feel him there anymore, it's just not healthy. I don't mind thinking of him and hoping he is doing well every now and then, but this is just mad at this stage and too much.

I thought a complete cut would help fade it while also best for him too. I just don't know what to do to snap it now. It's like a ghost that I just can't punch away.

Anyone find that when it is with a friend it's just different and takes longer?

Ellsbells

You are choosing to wallow in your misery... Some you win and some you lose and unfortunately you lost this one... Its time to move on but allowing yourself to wallow is the worst thing you can do. what have you done to keep busy since you spoke with him?

I think with affairs of the heart, once there is no hope of a romance, you just need to apply mind over heart and train yourself to stop thinking aboout him. Its like an addiction you are feeding and while you think you may not be able to control your impulses, you are. Get to the gym, meeting friends and even try internet dating. You have to move on so just do it.

LegacyUser

I went travelling the past few months, taken up lots of different things I enjoy doing, training lots, on pof, been with others. The logical part of my brain recognised long ago that it was just limerence. I don't believe in 'the one' either.

I guess it just leaves losing a friend which I've never gone through before. Thanks though Ellsbells.

Piliger

Hi OP. Ellsbells' advice above is pretty robust .... but the core of it is true.

It's over now and I know it is painful. We know it is, because we have all experienced variations of this ourselves. So don't confuse brisk and robust advice with not understanding or caring.

You just have to dive in to life now, and friends and activities, and getting out and about - and not give your mind a chance to keeping chewing it over. It is over. Every time it comes back .... keep saying it ... it is over now. Done.

I think this time you will find that time will heal ... especially now that it has been resolved. And don't lose all hope that in a few years you will be able to be friends. It is amazing how time changes us and things.

Best wishes.

Ellsbells

I didnt mean to be harsh but I have wasted a lot of time not getting over guys when, with a little self control and mind over matter, I could have... Best of luck OP.

WhyGoBald

Yes, with someone you have had previous history with, it is going to be a little harder to disentangle them from your life, but the previous posters are correct - you can't let that be an excuse to hang on. It's especially disagreeable, because understandably you don't want to lose the memories of the friendship, but you have to allow yourself to let go.

LegacyUser

Ellsbells, I didn't think you'd post to be cruel or anything, I know you were posting to help!

That word resolved sounds good and feels good. I'm glad you said it. Maybe in a few years it will be possible and catch up like normal. I know for the next while it's for the best. Thanks Piliger.