My boyfriend is on holidays and a Facebook comment has thrown me.

LegacyUser

My boyfriend has gone on holidays for a weeks with four friends (two guys and two girls). I couldn't go due to work. His friends are all single. One of the girls made a comment on Facebook (in a link they were all tagged in) with the suggestion of ending up naked if she 'drank another bottle of wine'. I've been fine about this holiday but this has made me feel really sad. I trust him but this comment has upset me. I can talk to my boyfriend about everything generally but in this case I do not want to appear to be a clingy girlfriend. Should I say something to him about this girl's comment? Do you think I'm being silly?

blatantrereg

Not really much to comment on there. The girl is single and is around single guys.

Not strange to feel a bit headwrecked while your OH is on holiday with single friends and you are working. Your reaction to the FB post is sympomatic of that I think. If you have no good reason to think anything is amiss you are best to bite your tongue with stuff like this.

jessiejam

The joys of facebook:rolleyes:

As soon as I read your comment, the first thing that sprang to mind was they were playing strip poker. Probably just ended up in underwear which when on hols is probably no worse than a bikini imo. Doubt there is anything else to it. If you trust your boyfriend then relax. And stay off facebook while he is away!

By the way how well do you know this girl, is she a wind up merchant? Why don't you text your boyfriend and just say in a joking way "Just had a quick look at fb last night, so did xxxx end up naked in the end?, ha ha", you should know by his reaction if there was anything sinister going on. He'll probably blab all that happened and put your mind at ease anyway. I wouldn't think thats clingy at all.

tinkerbell

No I don't think you're being silly. I think you can mention it and say - wow, I saw X's comment about being naked - what was that about?! If it was strip poker though, I think that's inappropriate for a person to be playing if they are in a relationship, that's just weird.

rhona39

left at home wrote: »

My boyfriend has gone on holidays for a weeks with four friends (two guys and two girls). I couldn't go due to work. His friends are all single. One of the girls made a comment on Facebook (in a link they were all tagged in) with the suggestion of ending up naked if she 'drank another bottle of wine'. I've been fine about this holiday but this has made me feel really sad. I trust him but this comment has upset me. I can talk to my boyfriend about everything generally but in this case I do not want to appear to be a clingy girlfriend. Should I say something to him about this girl's comment? Do you think I'm being silly?

Hes on holidays with single people? How long are you togethuer? You probably can trust him but,i wouldnt go away with singles

P. Breathnach

I wouldn't even think of strip poker: it looks to me like no more than silly talk - don't we all say some silly things after a drink or two (or three or ...)?

But I think rhona39 has a point: it would be better for a guy in a relationship not to head off on a singles' holiday.

hoodwinked

left at home wrote: »

My boyfriend has gone on holidays for a weeks with four friends (two guys and two girls). I couldn't go due to work. His friends are all single. One of the girls made a comment on Facebook (in a link they were all tagged in) with the suggestion of ending up naked if she 'drank another bottle of wine'. I've been fine about this holiday but this has made me feel really sad. I trust him but this comment has upset me. I can talk to my boyfriend about everything generally but in this case I do not want to appear to be a clingy girlfriend. Should I say something to him about this girl's comment? Do you think I'm being silly?

i don't think you are being silly but

wait until he comes home and see if he tells you himself he probably will while telling you about his holiday and he may put the comment into context for you. if he doesn't mention it and its still bothering you then maybe tell him you saw what she wrote on FB and ask him what was that about,

but to be fair if they were all tagged in it what are the odds one of the single lads was more involved than your bf?

to be honest do you really believe your boyfriend would do anything inappropriate with her? if you do, then you need to ask why you are with him. if you don't then forget about it,

it sounds like holiday shenanigans and withut context can look worse than it is...

Big Bag of Chips

I think it was just a random comment. When going out (the very occasionally it happens for all us married/mothers etc!) we'd joke that "after 2 vodkas, I'm anyone's".. "2 pints and I'll be dancing on the table, topless"

It doesn't actually mean that we are "anyone's", or that we will be dancing on tables.. topless or otherwise. It just means we don't often go out together, drinking and that we are going to enjoy it.

I sure it was a humorous comment from the girl.. would she really be telling Facebook she's about to get naked?

Ellsbells

It was a joke .. Albeit a provocative one. Maybe she fancies one of the guys on the trip but why assume irs your bf.

leeroybrown

It's just a random Facebook comment that likely means nothing more than that she's drunk and hammered. Relax and stop over-thinking it.

The Big Red Button

Your boyfriend was tagged in the comment - he wasn't the one making it.

Relax.

If she's after one of the single guys, she probably made that comment in a jokey flirty way, hoping he'd pick up on it.

If she's after a taken guy (i.e. your fella), why the feck would she go posting it on Facebook?! That makes no sense!!

Honestly I think you're reading far too much into this. If you trust him, don't be worrying. It was probably a completely innocent thing, and nothing to do with your boyfriend.

Sleepy

Maybe there was talk of skinny-dipping or something equally innocent.

Talk to your boyfriend when he gets back. You should know him well enough to know if he's lying to you.

Podgers

ah this is one of the reasons I left Facebook.

i wouldn't read into it if i was you, you could mention it to him when he comes back jokingly. Its very easy to make assumptions of what's going on out there with a comment like that but you really don't know, she might not mean it literately.

P. Breathnach

Podgers wrote: »

... she might not mean it literately.

Might not? It's a near-certainty that she didn't, because if things were taking such a turn, she wouldn't be telling the world on facebook.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. I've decided not to say anything to him about it.
I haven't heard from him since Friday (so 5 days ago) though which is now worrying me .
I know when someone is on holidays and is travelling through many countries, it might be difficult to contact their other half but I know that he has been staying in hostels which have wifi. I'm worried that he has gotten closer to the girls he is with because he's in their company for most of the day and may have drifted from me. Everything was fine before he left. I emailed him two days ago. No reply as of yet.

rhona39

left at home wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I've decided not to say anything to him about it.
I haven't heard from him since Friday (so 5 days ago) though which is now worrying me .
I know when someone is on holidays and is travelling through many countries, it might be difficult to contact their other half but I know that he has been staying in hostels which have wifi. I'm worried that he has gotten closer to the girls he is with because he's in their company for most of the day and may have drifted from me. Everything was fine before he left. I emailed him two days ago. No reply as of yet.

5days,id be questioning your relationship.the only thing is,if he is not the one for you,better to find out now.not that it feels good.

ShaShaBear

Call him?

stargazer 68

left at home wrote: »

I know when someone is on holidays and is travelling through many countries, it might be difficult to contact their other half but I know that he has been staying in hostels which have wifi. I'm worried that he has gotten closer to the girls he is with because he's in their company for most of the day and may have drifted from me. Everything was fine before he left. I emailed him two days ago. No reply as of yet.

Oh Op now you are putting problems where there are none! He is on holidays for a couple of weeks hes hardly going to 'drift' away from you in that time just because there are other girls there. If he does then you have had a lucky escape IMO.

Meauldsegosha

rhona39 wrote: »

left at home wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I've decided not to say anything to him about it.
I haven't heard from him since Friday (so 5 days ago) though which is now worrying me .
I know when someone is on holidays and is travelling through many countries, it might be difficult to contact their other half but I know that he has been staying in hostels which have wifi. I'm worried that he has gotten closer to the girls he is with because he's in their company for most of the day and may have drifted from me. Everything was fine before he left. I emailed him two days ago. No reply as of yet.

5days,id be questioning your relationship.the only thing is,if he is not the one for you,better to find out now.not that it feels good.

Oh please why would she be questioning her relationship over this.

OP there could be any number of reasons why he hasn't been in contact. The most likely story is that he is a man away with mates and it hasn't crossed his mind that you're worrying about him. If you want send him a text but keep it casual. As for your original issue I wouldn't put too much faith in anything that's put on Facebook.

jewelstar

OP worried about nothing imho. If there was anything going on it wouldn't be posted on the Book for you to see. Obviously you are going to be anxious while he's away with singles but if you trusted him to go in the first place try to relax.

fungun

i know people are different but if i had a partner who went on a weeks holidays with other people while i stayed at home, i think id expect a text at some point

jam_mac_jam

I think if there was anything in it she wouldnt have put it up on facebook. It sounds like a joke.

Hackysack

I'm surprised at the amount of '5 days without contact'? ALARM BELLS comments.

He's on holidays. A lack of contact isn't so unusual, especially since the OP couldn't make it on the trip - the last thing she'd need is to be constantly reminded that she's not there having fun.

The entire situation seems harmless imo

LegacyUser

ermm why would you send him an email? why not just send him a text/call him?
I know I never check my emails on hols....

I'm worried that he has gotten closer to the girls he is with because he's in their company for most of the day and may have drifted from me.

this just doesn't sound like a healthy attitude....he's allowed to have female friends! thinking he's drifting apart from you just because he's been hanging around with other women for a few day screams insecurity

OP, seriously, the fact that you're "sad" and "worried" over this and a stupid FB comment kinda makes it seem like you may have some serious trust issues tbh

leeroybrown

rhona39 wrote: »

5days,id be questioning your relationship.the only thing is,if he is not the one for you,better to find out now.not that it feels good.

What a load of insecure rubbish. This is a guy on a drinking holiday with his mates. When he's not drunk and having the craic he's probably so hungover he can't think straight. It really depends on the relationship, but honestly, if my girlfriend gave the impression of being that insecure because of a short spell without contact I'd really question whether we were compatible at all.

Fiona

5 days without contact, not on, how would he feel if you went off on hols with single blokes and didn't call for 5 days

tinkerbell

5 days with no contact is crazy (in my opinion) if they are in a serious relationship. It takes 10 seconds to text someone, that's not asking much really.

bouncebouncey

I have to agree with Tinkerbell. It isn't that big a deal to send a text. I takes a few seconds.

I don't think it means he's off cheating with whatever girls are on the holiday or anything like that but I do think it's not particularly nice. Just because you are on holiday doesn't mean you should completely forget your OH. Like I said it would only need to be a text and not a 3 hour phone call or 20 page e-mail.

I don't think it's that unreasonable to expect to hear from your OH once every 5 days or so.

LegacyUser

tinkerbell wrote: »

5 days with no contact is crazy (in my opinion) if they are in a serious relationship. It takes 10 seconds to text someone, that's not asking much really.

There could be many very reasonable reasons for the lack contact from something as simple as losing or breaking his phone to not having phone coverage to simply being someone who doesn't call/text much. The OP doesn't say were the OH has gone other then out of the country. Hostel Wi-Fi is not the most reliable and often your left with the option of one old PC for everyone to wait to use. While phone service around the world has improved greatly over the past years issue still come up. Only last month I went to the states for a few weeks and my phone just wouldn't work while I was there. This was odd because I go to the states quite often and haven't had any issues with my phone before, my service/contract hadn't change nor the phone but it simply wouldn't work. Worked fine when I got home and 02 were just as baffled as I was.

Without knowing the OP's boyfriend or their relationship we can't say what his habits are on keeping in touch while on holiday. Some people are more religious about it then others. My OH was away for a month for work and I got one text while he was gone reminding me to pay a bill. He did log in and update stuff on his facebook during that time. Some would consider it awful that he would do that and not call his GF of 8 years everyday but we're not people who do that. Frankly I'd be worried if he was calling me everyday. We don't really text or call each other. I know some people who call each other once a day without fail and one friend who came to stay who called their poor boyfriend 6 times day over the course of a long weekend break [we're talking good 30 mins+ calls each time not quick I miss you type calls]. Everyone is different, the OP doesn't say if the BF has gone away without her before and rung/text/emailed more regularly. If it's a change in pattern for them not call/text/email then maybe they should be concerned depending on what region of the world the group is traveling but if the OH not in the habit of ringing/texting regularly or this is the first time in their relationship they've encountered this issue then it's just something the OP is going to have to discuss with the BF upon his return.

CommanderC

5 days without so much as a text is not a good sign in my opinion. I know my missus would not be happy with me if I didn't contact her for 5 days and vice versa.

I just know myself that within the space of 5 days I would naturally feel like talking to her/texting her or making some kind of contact with her. It just happens naturally. I can't imagine not doing that.

In my opinion its not the OP that's insecure, its those who are saying that for them, no contact for 5 days would be considered the norm or perfectly acceptable. Its really not the way to treat someone you care about

CommanderC

leeroybrown wrote: »

What a load of insecure rubbish. This is a guy on a drinking holiday with his mates. When he's not drunk and having the craic he's probably so hungover he can't think straight. It really depends on the relationship, but honestly, if my girlfriend gave the impression of being that insecure because of a short spell without contact I'd really question whether we were compatible at all.

Sounds like you're just not that into her tbh.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all the replies. People seem to have different opinons on what is acceptable regarding contacting one's other half. On the night of day 5 I emailed him asking him if we could talk on Skype. He replied on day 6. We spoke on Skype that night. He seemed to think that spending this long without contacting me was perfectly fine. He said his phone was stolen a week and a half ago (he didn't tell me 'in case I would worry'. Hmm, this doesn't make much sense imo). So I came across as being clingy and needing reassurance when it was clear that I would have preferred more contact... I personally don't feel like I am insecure or clingy generally but if I love someone I would want to contact them more than this so it's difficult to understand that if they loved me as much.. why wouldn't they want to do the same.

I wasn't just worried that he might get closer to other girls, I was worried about his safety too - if something happened to him, I wouldn't be there. Just from travelling with him before I know that he won't tell someone back home if he needs to go to a hospital for instance. Not knowing what's happening with him is the reason I worry.

I think it hurts him for me to question how much he can really love me if he doesn't make contact with me in six days. He has been in first world cities (I do understand hostel internet can be dodgy, but I was able to go online in third world countries.. even in jungles more often than once every few days).

I hope things will be okay and back to normal when he returns. I hate coming across as being insecure / needing reassurance. Maybe, logically, we're just not that compatible.. I really don't know right now. Thanks to everyone.

CommanderC

left at home wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies. People seem to have different opinons on what is acceptable regarding contacting one's other half. On the night of day 5 I emailed him asking him if we could talk on Skype. He replied on day 6. We spoke on Skype that night. He seemed to think that spending this long without contacting me was perfectly fine. He said his phone was stolen a week and a half ago (he didn't tell me 'in case I would worry'. Hmm, this doesn't make much sense imo). So I came across as being clingy and needing reassurance when it was clear that I would have preferred more contact... I personally don't feel like I am insecure or clingy generally but if I love someone I would want to contact them more than this so it's difficult to understand that if they loved me as much.. why wouldn't they want to do the same.

I wasn't just worried that he might get closer to other girls, I was worried about his safety too - if something happened to him, I wouldn't be there. Just from travelling with him before I know that he won't tell someone back home if he needs to go to a hospital for instance. Not knowing what's happening with him is the reason I worry.

I think it hurts him for me to question how much he can really love me if he doesn't make contact with me in six days. He has been in first world cities (I do understand hostel internet can be dodgy, but I was able to go online in third world countries.. even in jungles more often than once every few days).

I hope things will be okay and back to normal when he returns. I hate coming across as being insecure / needing reassurance. Maybe, logically, we're just not that compatible.. I really don't know right now. Thanks to everyone.

Hey- stop beating yourself up. You re not coming across as needy at all to me. Quite the opposite in fact. You are being brave enough to say to yourself, 'hey, something is not right here. This situation is not good enough for me and needs to be addressed in some way'. An insecure person would be too afraid to do this and would just be a push over and go along with treatment they are not happy with.

ShaShaBear

Exactly as CommanderC says, stop beating yourself up - sounds like your OH is putting words in your mouth. 5 days of no contact is not really acceptable at all. People do worry, things can go wrong, and any person in love will assume that things going wrong and lack of contact are interconnected.
If it were reversed, and you went away for 5 days, I bet any money he would HOUND you with texts and phonecalls. Of course when he's away having a blast and partying, he doesn't get the time to sit and think about missing your company. You do.