my mothers greed

LegacyUser

I'm not going into details and my circumstances but I found myself in financial difficulty due to working hours reduced and the recession has me back at home in which I am so grateful to have a roof over my head. I pay my way in bills and groceries and help in other ways too. The decision was never for me to have a mighty good life living off my parents and that's not what's happening despite what some peoples perception may be of adults living at home.

Problem is my mother is demanding rent of me while she allows my brother away free despite us both earning the same. He on 225 a week from a FAS course, me on 230 a week working. He with a medical card, me with none. It's taken me the past 8 months just to break even from when I was working and the debt that I created just from bills that I was unable to meet towards the end of renting. I was walking around with broken shoes since last winter which is causing me back problems. I was also down with depression which I am trying so hard to fight. Unable to afford counselling for now but maybe in the future but I've been fighting it by doing small little pick me ups whether its just a bite to eat in a country house style pub surrounded by beautiful scenery or what not. My work is alo sending me away on courses which I have to.pay for and fund myself.

My quality of life has severely deminished and deminished further with this extra demand on me while at the same time my mother allows my brother away free while on top of that providing for him. Point being also is that I just dont have 50 a week for rent also. There'd be some sort of an arguement if i.was out on the p1ss every weekend or something. I'm not unlike my brother whos out drinking every weekend along with akeeping a car on the road.

It's a form of greed and nothing but because any money I provide will just go to bulge up her savings account or for posting new underpants to her other sons across the world who are earning 2000 dollars a week. It blew up in my face this morning. My mother started demanding rent from this evening onwards no excuses and I brought up my brother whos on the same as me and why isn't asked for rent? Her excuses came. He's in college with a car to keep on the road etc. And what if I had to keep a car on the road? It's just excuses for him.
He's allowed to spend his money and give up whats left (which is all and nothing), I'm to give up my money and spend what's left (which is all and nothing).

How am I going to handle this?

looksee

OP, I know this sounds harsh and 'not fair', but you can only take account of yourself in this discussion. If your mother is looking for rent then that is what you have to pay. If you don't want to pay rent to her, move out.

The fact that your brother is not paying rent is neither here nor here. Agreed its not fair, agreed your mother is making favourites, but it is her house and her call who to charge rent and how much.

It rather looks as though she is one of the Irish mammy types who expects one thing from sons and another from daughters. On the other hand it may be that you are calculating your income after tax etc?

If that is your gross pay you should be entitled to a medical card or GP visit card, allowance can be made for rent etc which would bring you well inside the limit.

bedrock#1

looksee wrote: »

OP, I know this sounds harsh and 'not fair', but you can only take account of yourself in this discussion. If your mother is looking for rent then that is what you have to pay. If you don't want to pay rent to her, move out.

The fact that your brother is not paying rent is neither here nor here. Agreed its not fair, agreed your mother is making favourites, but it is her house and her call who to charge rent and how much.

It rather looks as though she is one of the Irish mammy types who expects one thing from sons and another from daughters. On the other hand it may be that you are calculating your income after tax etc?

If that is your gross pay you should be entitled to a medical card or GP visit card, allowance can be made for rent etc which would bring you well inside the limit.

Sorry but that's bo**ox. If one has to pay both have to pay. If the mother wants money give her the difference - ie. 5 euro.

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy

What if you just refused to pay? Would she really throw you out onto the street?

Thankfully she's changed but my mam used to be so greedy, I had worked in a factory and she charged me rent (fair enough) then increased it to the point where I was paying half the mortgage myself.

I took an apprenticeship which was on offer in that factory which meant a huge drop in wages. She tried to insist on me still paying the same rent and suggested I get a part time job to make up the difference. I point blank refused, nothing happened.

I know I come across as greedy, but my parents would be considered comfortable, and for years id paid far in excess of what my room is worth.

Sometimes you just need to assert yourself and let people know you won't be pushed around.

jimmycrackcorm

bedrock#1 wrote: »

Sorry but that's bo**ox. If one has to pay both have to pay. If the mother wants money give her the difference - ie. 5 euro.

This thread is titled incorrectly. It's not about the mothers greed but about the unfair treatment between siblings. The op needs to focus on this and calmy address how how it is that the brother gets to pay less rent because he has a car and is in college. It's blatantly unfair to treat rent as an expense tax and I'd stick to my guns in telling the mother that I'd pay exactly the same rent as the brother for the same result. I suggest also countering illogical arguments with likewise such as asking for opinions on car advertisements using the argument that younmigt as well do the same as your brother.

I suspect there is done other underlying relationship issue why a daughter should be treated differently than a son.

looksee

bedrock#1 wrote: »

Sorry but that's bo**ox. If one has to pay both have to pay. If the mother wants money give her the difference - ie. 5 euro.

No, sorry, but its not me that's missing the point. This is the mother's house. She can do as she wishes as to who lives in it and who pays rent.

I completely agree that it is unfair to make that difference between two adult siblings. It is not morally right, it is not reasonable or sensible, but it is her right.

LegacyUser

jimmycrackcorm wrote: »

This thread is titled incorrectly. It's not about the mothers greed but about the unfair treatment between siblings. The op needs to focus on this and calmy address how how it is that the brother gets to pay less rent because he has a car and is in college. It's blatantly unfair to treat rent as an expense tax and I'd stick to my guns in telling the mother that I'd pay exactly the same rent as the brother for the same result. I suggest also countering illogical arguments with likewise such as asking for opinions on car advertisements using the argument that younmigt as well do the same as your brother.

I suspect there is done other underlying relationship issue why a daughter should be treated differently than a son.

This is what I did. I asked her why he isn't required to pay anything not even 20 euro. Her excuses came thick and heavy:- this that and the other. She turned it around on me that I am begruding him when he is trying to better himself. Which is a load of cock and balls. I'm not begrudging him anything. He has the money. He has the money for a car, going out drinking and tobacco etc. and he's not required to cut back on anything to pay for rent because rent isn't required of him.

Taltos

OP - afraid I am with looksee on this - as horrible as it is your mother's choices are hers to make and she doesn't owe you or anyone an explanation on why she is favouring one child over another. Unfortunately sometimes life is just a crock of the proverbial.

I grew up with a great mate - one of 4 brothers - was horrified to overhear his mother one day when he was 17 turn to him and say - "you're 18 in a few months - time for you to start finding your own home to live in" - despite the fact that one of his older brothers was lliving there rent free...

He spoke to his dad and got an extension until his finished college - but within a few weeks of finishing he was out - and yes his brother was still living there and lived there until his early 30s.

My best suggestion to you is to look into getting a room somewhere else and moving out asap - also stop trying to argue or justify yourself to her. Find your own place and move out - don't ever look back. It is her choice to molly-coddle your brother - in the long run you will be a much better and stronger person for working through this unfairness and learning how to stand on your own feet.

Ellsbells

I don't think it's your mothers greed, I think it's your brothers greed.

What he pays is none of your business. Your mother is stuck with two grown adults under her feet, who should be long gone and BOTH of ye should be paying her dearly for that.

qrrgprgua

Move out and get your own place. Get Digs with other lads. Probably cheaper and you are more independent.

Time to cut those apron strings. :-)

jessiejam

Whatever your mothers reasons for allowing your brother to walk all over her, I think its just a case of suck it up.

€50 a week is nothing to be paying for your bed and board. As you know its a lot more expensive to live out of home. Keep the head down now and try and get a better paid job or return to education while your bills are at a minimum.

I understand its a pain in the hole, your brother getting off scott free but I think thats between your mother and him.

a fat guy

Go back to college with a grant perhaps?

More qualifications = more money, and you won't have to deal with your mother anymore.

deisemum

As a parent I cannot understand how some parents favour one child over another. I think it's unfair how the OP's mother is doing the same here.

It doesn't surprise me when some adult children eventually have nothing to do with their elderly parents and it's often a case of you reap what you sow.

filmbuffboy

OP what your mother is doing isnt right but theres nothing you can do to change it.

Move out!

if you have no choice but to pay 50 euros for the room you may as well do it somewhere you have more freedom.

hope it works out for you. dont stick around somewhere you are being treated like a 2nd class citizen!