Mistakes you've made at work (and kept quiet)

brummytom

I imagine some people will have a few good stories, so, being a gentleman, I'll start with a shit one to make yours look better.


Earlier today, I and a colleague moved a body from the ward to the mortuary. In the mortuary, you have to move the patient from the 'box' they're taken down in to another trolley that slides into the morgue lockers.

We each took an end and went to move the body. We soon discovered the brakes weren't on the trolley and the patient landed slap-bang in the middle of the floor. I was praying rigamortis wouldn't set in and we'd be left with a dead old woman bent in half. After a lot of struggling (she was deceptively heavy), we got the job done. Surprisingly, we didn't tell the bosses.


Anyway... any good stories?

PinkFly

shes gonna haunt ya now

girl in the striped socks

You transport dead people?
*shivers*

Jen Pigs Fly

a baby

Wompa1

Nothing too bad luckily.

I showed up an hour late once on a Sunday morning when the boss wasn't around. Just slept in..

I was new in a toys store and took a Nintendo Gamecube back for repairs but they stopped accepting them a couple of weeks earlier so I took my own money and sent the feckin thing to the UK to get repaired. Didn't tell anyone, I needed the job and got it due to my sister having worked there so I wanted to spare her catching any flack for my mess up. Looking back I worried way too much when I worked in retail. Bunch of c*nts

stevek93

Oh good jasus I've heard it all. :eek:

Mr. CooL ICE

When I worked in email based tech support, I briefly engaged a customer in a conversation about bestiality.

There was a reason for it. I got the impression this guy was checking if our email replies were mass mailing bots (we were pretty heavily scripted but were human) by asking politely if i approved of "interspecies copulation involving humans". I simply stated that our company cannot offer an opinion on the matter, but there should be consent among all parties involved.

djk1000

Feel really sorry for anyone that lost their grandmother today and came on here to cheer themselves up!

BUBBLE WRAP

I worked in a hardware shop for a while. One day a customer walks in he asks me for a side stone. I bring him over to a part of the shop where they sell, small head stones for graves. (Not the headstone itself, but a small headstone with a prayer on it.) Anyway I turn to him and say, Im so sorry for your loss. He replies, Why? its a sidestone I want for shapening tools. The shop lost one customer that day.

NegativeCreep

Broke the dishwasher when I worked in a bar once and I never told anyone. They never copped that it was me. I only worked weekends and the next week they had a new one :L Got fired soon after for different reasons!
Hated the job anyway so f*ck it!

Ghandee

I pressed the wrong button in Ulster bank a few weeks ago.

Hardly anyone noticed yet though, so is all Cool and the gang yo.

marshbaboon

I'd have to make a list. I can forget very important things in a matter of seconds. One of the worst was probably leaving a client on hold for over an hour.

Came back and they were still there. Disconnected the call and rang them back the next day telling them there had been an emergency at the building & it had to be evacuated.

If I have a good think about it I'm sure I can make a list, a very long list.

castletownman

I made an awful mistake at work once. Was a practical joke made against me but an error of judgement nonetheless.

One of my work colleagues felt she was getting a raw deal in terms of making a name for herself in the station, and so tampered with the autocue when I was making a live news cast. I read away without checking in advance and accidently told my whole city to go **** themselves.

Wasn't exactly kept quiet though, and I lost my job.

mrsdewinter

Wompa1 wrote: »

Nothing too bad luckily.

I was new in a toys store and took a Nintendo Gamecube back for repairs but they stopped accepting them a couple of weeks earlier so I took my own money and sent the feckin thing to the UK to get repaired. Didn't tell anyone, I needed the job and got it due to my sister having worked there so I wanted to spare her catching any flack for my mess up. Looking back I worried way too much when I worked in retail. Bunch of c*nts

Aw... That was really sound! Hope you told your sister that story.

admiralofthefleet

do you get mortuary privilages? :pac:

brummytom

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

do you get mortuary privilages? :pac:

She wasn't the only one who was stiff


>.>



<.<

Kevin!

people probably should state that the story was posted on behalf of a friend of a friend or similar
to prevent any trouble that the story in question might cause if investigated - handier than getting sacked

gobnaitolunacy

Managed to get a small battery-powered trolley tug entangled in a roller shutter door at an airport
Opened door with security card
Door opens
Put boot down, ducked under still opening door
Forgot that there was a tall pole thing that had a flashing light mounted on it behind my head
Voila, one vehicle with its two rear wheels in the air spinning furiously
Got the thing off by sheer brute force

iCosmopolis

brummytom wrote: »

I imagine some people will have a few good stories, so, being a gentleman, I'll start with a shit one to make yours look better.


Earlier today, I and a colleague moved a body from the ward to the mortuary. In the mortuary, you have to move the patient from the 'box' they're taken down in to another trolley that slides into the morgue lockers.

We each took an end and went to move the body. We soon discovered the brakes weren't on the trolley and the patient landed slap-bang in the middle of the floor. I was praying rigamortis wouldn't set in and we'd be left with a dead old woman bent in half. After a lot of struggling (she was deceptively heavy), we got the job done. Surprisingly, we didn't tell the bosses.


Anyway... any good stories?

Suddenly selecting the wrong cost centre on the system pale's in significance....

Juniorhurler

Working with a plant hire company, we all had the use of three jeeps between us (13 workers). I filled one of the jeeps with green diesel mistakenly, both tanks were beside each other. I was only newish and didn't want to tell the boss so I parked her up, took one of the others. Next morning the boss jumps in to bring a bowser of diesel to one of the boys, drives out the gate, two miles down the road and into a customs checkpoint. I mean this guy never cheated on the diesel. Got dipped and a €1000 fine. The embarrassment hurt him more than the money.

admiralofthefleet

brummytom wrote: »

She wasn't the only one who was stiff


>.>



<.<

is it true the stiffs fart and belch and all. i remember billy connolly saying so:D

SusieBlue

When I worked in retail I usually worked at the refund/exchange registers.

I often accepted returned items that were stained, without tags and with invalid receipts. I used to feel sorry for the customers, because everyone, myself included, has been in the position where your returning something and praying it'll be accepted without hassle.

I used to shove it all under the counter and hope the supervisors and managers wouldn't notice!

marshbaboon

Oh. Have one of a work colleague back in the day. I'll tell it on his behalf because it's hilarious.

Used to work nights in a well known four star hotel. Place didn't see much traffic due to the fact it was out in the middle of nowhere so we used to entertain ourselves by taking the piss out of each other.

While I was busy with something or another, he had the genius idea to go into the back office, take out the entire contents of my wallet & laminate everything. Cards, money, coins... everything.

I walked into the office to find him trying to take apart the laminator with a screwdriver...

The problem came when he took a condom out of the wrapper and tried to laminate it... it slid out of and got stuck somewhere in the machine. I of course absolutely pissed myself laughing at him, and refused to help him.

He eventually managed to get it out before the morning shift, but all of the laminated signs for the weddings ended up with a big nasty smear running right down the middle... they never did figure out what caused it...

OMARS_COMING_

I work in a bakery.One morning we were making the bread for the day and i accidentally knocked the hundreds and thousands into the giant bread dough i had prepared.

I didnt say anything and just hoped people enjoyed the taste.

Pottler

A, err, young friend, started work driving a JCB digger, was told to go dig a hole across a field to open a new site. Err, he, drove off and headed across the field, noticed, err, apparently, all the other lads on site waving furiously at , err him, so stopped to see what was up. Sadly, "he" had snagged the eircom and esb lines on the overhead poles with the rear arm of the digger and had pulled a line of about a km of wire and poles along behind him. The fool, ahem. It took the esb and eircom about a week to fix it but happily, nobody was too sure who was driving the machine when it happend, or even if there had been a machine there. Not, err, "his" finest moment.:) Apparently the repair bill ran to rather a large sum of money. I heard all that in the pub, obviously, what a tool eh, sniff. That all happened out foreign, yes, abroad, somwhere, I just dont know the name of the utilities out there, abroad, somwhere else, not here, obviously. No.

about 3 fity

have to keep details vague.

currently working full time for a consultancy and contracting company, im with them near 3 years. going well at it (apart from below) and they think im a good employee.

however im currently dealing with a lawsuit against me from a client. to stop him taking the company to court (and me undoubtedly loosing my job at the least), we had to come to an agreement.

im now working 3 saturdays and sundays a month for 8 to 10 months and will spend about €9000 of my own money to put things right. i make €33,000 a year and im now on the absolute breadline. im 2 months in.

if hes happy after im finished he'll forget about it and i should keep my job. he's a barrister by trade

Where To

I kidnapped an old woman at the airport once. Took her to what I thought was her son's house. The look on the son's face when I landed with a woman who wasn't his mother was priceless.

Rhys Essien

My company was sub contracted by an American crowd to work on this 6 wheeled mobile testing lab thingy.

It was about the size of a mini car.Apparently this thing was being sent to another planet,ha.

Thing is,I forgot to tighten the nuts to hold the wheels on.

NegativeCreep

about 3 fity wrote: »

have to keep details vague.

currently working full time for a consultancy and contracting company, im with them near 3 years. going well at it (apart from below) and they think im a good employee.

however im currently dealing with a lawsuit against me from a client. to stop him taking the company to court (and me undoubtedly loosing my job at the least), we had to come to an agreement.

im now working 3 saturdays and sundays a month for 8 to 10 months and will spend about €9000 of my own money to put things right. i make €33,000 a year and im now on the absolute breadline. im 2 months in.

if hes happy after im finished he'll forget about it and i should keep my job. he's a barrister by trade

Dare I ask what you have to do for him? :eek:

berzo

was toasting a cheese sandwich in the little kitchen at the back of our office . Of course I turned my back and burned the top . No problem... opened the window, scraped the black bits off and had sambo and a cup of tea . Next thing the fire alarm goes off.. Ah no ..it couldnt have been me ,,,Could it ? Leggedit out to the front of the building and watch as the whole massive building is evacuated about 3000 people . I could see through the glass doors all the yellow jackets running into our office . I was mortified . When the alarm was off I went back to the kitchen to collect my things and was sneaking out when the services arrived again . Before they had a chance to say anything ...attack being the best form of defence I lit on them ..saying the alarm was faulty and didnt go off soon enough and I could have been burned alive . They never told the boss ... lovely people

about 3 fity

NegativeCreep wrote: »

Dare I ask what you have to do for him? :eek:

i wouldnt dream of saying it here, just incase, ya know yourself. its a lot of manual labour, an awful lot of materials (€9000 worth) and a bit of expertise. all boils down to bad advice i gave

marshbaboon

about 3 fity wrote: »

i wouldnt dream of saying it here, just incase, ya know yourself. its a lot of manual labour, an awful lot of materials (€9000 worth) and a bit of expertise. all boils down to bad advice i gave

Does it involve regular drives out to the phoenix park at 3am?

about 3 fity

marshbaboon wrote: »

Does it involve regular drives out to the phoenix park at 3am?

ha! could be worse i suppose if i was working for a concert company, heard twas bad up there

Vicar in a tutu

BUBBLE WRAP wrote: »

I worked in a hardware shop for a while. One day a customer walks in he asks me for a side stone. I bring him over to a part of the shop where they sell, small head stones for graves. (Not the headstone itself, but a small headstone with a prayer on it.) Anyway I turn to him and say, Im so sorry for your loss. He replies, Why? its a sidestone I want for shapening tools. The shop lost one customer that day.

ha! Love the image of him looking like a psychopath sharpening his tools on a headstone:pac:

irish_goat

Had to work on a Tuesday night on my last day of exams for that year. Had a few pints after the exam and ended up quite tipsy when I arrived in work. Fortunately it was dead and it was only me and the supervisor who got on great with me. She copped I was a bit drunk so sent me to the cellar and told me to tidy up down there. Barely a minute there and I tried to move a trolley load of spirits and wines and ended up knocking 2 cases of bottles of wine onto the floor. Swept up the glass but the place stunk of wine so I pretty much flooded the cellar floor and threw beer line cleaner(only stuff we had down there) around the place to hide the smell before sweeping it all down the drain.

The supervisor came down to check on me and thought I was doing a really good, thorough job. The place was spotless when I left it tbf. Since I was going back home for the summer 2 days later I didn't bother telling anyone/making a note in the wastage book. :pac:

Pottler

about 3 fity wrote: »

ha! could be worse i suppose if i was working for a concert company, heard twas bad up there

Sooo, your uptake is as bad as your username.:D Ever heard of professional liability insurance? You want me to what? Errr, no, let's not do that, phone my insurance company, or better still, phone my bosses insurance company, Mr Barrister Sir. You, my good man, are being shafted. Please pull up your drawers and desist. It's just not Irish, that whole, admitting it's your fault thing, you're letting the side down.:) On a more seriouse note, cop the feck on, there is a reason we have insurance policies, and your situation is one of them. Allow the insurance to dictate policy. Enjoy your weekends.

about 3 fity

Pottler wrote: »

there is a reason we have insurance policies, and your situation is one of them. Allow the insurance to dictate policy.

unfortunately there is absolutly no hope of the insurance covering it. thats how ass ways i fecked up. thanks for the advice anyway though. dont want to go off topic but isnt part of our problem not admitting to anything and hoping nobody has to take the blame

3rdDegree

brummytom wrote: »

I imagine some people will have a few good stories, so, being a gentleman, I'll start with a shit one to make yours look better.


Earlier today, I and a colleague moved a body from the ward to the mortuary. In the mortuary, you have to move the patient from the 'box' they're taken down in to another trolley that slides into the morgue lockers.

We each took an end and went to move the body. We soon discovered the brakes weren't on the trolley and the patient landed slap-bang in the middle of the floor. I was praying rigamortis wouldn't set in and we'd be left with a dead old woman bent in half. After a lot of struggling (she was deceptively heavy), we got the job done. Surprisingly, we didn't tell the bosses.


Anyway... any good stories?

I always wondered, why do they transport bodies in that box like frame covered in a white sheet. Is it so people won't see the shaper of a dead body under a sheet?

Colmustard

Years ago I was told to clear out and tidy a store, there were there was a load of these big plastic things and I thought they must be used for painting covers so I lay one out put all the rubbish in it tied it up and threw everthing into the skip.

About a month later the owner was tearing the place apart looking for his sails, I did the honourable thing and said nothing, I believe the things cost a fortune.

The best I heard was my cousin, he was a jeweller, he was asked to collect some gold about 5 grands worth, he got the strips then he decided to have a macdonalds, about a half an hour later he goes bollox and ran back to the macs, he found the gold in the bin.

maggege

My biggest mistake was to work for my previous company. Should change the job much earlier as they had little or no respect for my work or me, not paying on time, eventually ended up in Labor Relation Commission claiming my wages back..

My boss was unbelievable.. When I finished some work I notified him by email that some issue was resolved and gave details what was the problem etc. Then client ringed he answered and said that HI just fixed the issue (never mined that my desk was next to his..). Often behaviour.

The other day he had to change part of an algorithm to calculate new interest rate for some client but the client didn't specify what that new rate should be he just said: increase by half percent current rate. He struggled with that half day and just an hour before living he gave me this task to work it out Unfortunately he asked me: would that be correct to add after 12.5 another dot and 5?

Where To

maggege wrote: »

My biggest mistake was to work for my previous company. Should change the job much earlier as they had little or no respect for my work or me, not paying on time, eventually ended up in Labor Relation Commission claiming my wages back..

My boss was unbelievable.. When I finished some work I notified him by email that some issue was resolved and gave details what was the problem etc. Then client ringed he answered and said that HI just fixed the issue (never mined that my desk was next to his..). Often behaviour.

The other day he had to change part of an algorithm to calculate new interest rate for some client but the client didn't specify what that new rate should be he just said: increase by half percent current rate. He struggled with that half day and just an hour before living he gave me this task to work it out Unfortunately he asked me: would that be correct to add after 12.5 another dot and 5?

Ummm. . . . that's shocking.

Probably.

Maybe.

Huh?

maggege

Where To wrote: »

Ummm. . . . that's shocking.

I know!

fasttalkerchat

Can guest posting be allowed here? I have a few crackers.

brummytom

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

is it true the stiffs fart and belch and all. i remember billy connolly saying so:D

I've heard that loads, never had it happen to me though. Have had a few 'leak' before though. Every fluid inside them just decides to come out.

3rdDegree wrote: »

I always wondered, why do they transport bodies in that box like frame covered in a white sheet. Is it so people won't see the shaper of a dead body under a sheet?

Basically, yeah. I think the idea is that seeing a dead body roll past you while you're waiting outside a ward doesn't really instill confidence.

aujopimur

A friend of mine recieved a small parcel at work, it was opened by a fellow worker who discovered it was packed in a fag box and had wires attached,
"BOMB" he screams.
My friend new what was in the packet (a themister) but said nothing, he and the rest of the staff enjoyed a two hour break while the bomb squad dealt with the suspicious device.

echo.lima

I've crashed a forklift into a set of heavy duty doors and said nothing, I've taken naps on the top storage racks in the warehouse 40 feet in the air I had to climb up the racks like batman to get up . I've taken a load of king size mattresses and piled them up in the main bay and have jumped from the second floor of the warehouse onto the mattresses...that was fun.

I've acted the bollox in the most stylish ways possible, I'd elaborate but I'm half bollixed maybe I'll continue tomorow

Adyx

I think I've mentioned some of these before:

First bar I worked in, myself and another floorstaff were sent to our sister nightclub up the street to get some vodka. We used 3L bottles of Smirnoff and they come 4 in a box. Trying to be a hero, I was carrying 2 boxes and right on the busiest nightlife street in Waterford at 10PM on a Saturday night I dropped one of the boxes. The other guy just told me to keep going and he'd sort it. That was the last I heard of it. :pac:

In another pub, I was working in the store one day and tapped up a Heineken keg for one of the bars. What I didn't know was that that particular tap had been removed but the beer line left in (in fact it was pointing right at the till in the bar). Place was destroyed in beer. I think my supervisor might have known about it but I never heard anything about it.

Finally same pub but now I'm the supervisor. I was collecting money from each till to pay back the float and I had €300 in my pocket from one till. It must have fell out because when I got to the office it was gone. Obviously I told my manager but as the place was pretty much owned by the banks at that stage, nobody gave a fcuk. :P

Where To

Adyx wrote: »

I think I've mentioned some of these before:

First bar I worked in, myself and another floorstaff were sent to our sister nightclub up the street to get some vodka. We used 3L bottles of Smirnoff and they come 4 in a box. Trying to be a hero, I was carrying 2 boxes and right on the busiest nightlife street in Waterford at 10PM on a Saturday night I dropped one of the boxes. The other guy just told me to keep going and he'd sort it. That was the last I heard of it. :pac:

In another pub, I was working in the store one day and tapped up a Heineken keg for one of the bars. What I didn't know was that that particular tap had been removed but the beer line left in (in fact it was pointing right at the till in the bar). Place was destroyed in beer. I think my supervisor might have known about it but I never heard anything about it.

Finally same pub but now I'm the supervisor. I was collecting money from each till to pay back the float and I had €300 in my pocket from one till. It must have fell out because when I got to the office it was gone. Obviously I told my manager but as the place was pretty much owned by the banks at that stage, nobody gave a fcuk. :P

Not a bit wonder.