Who should call?

bellarose123

This is probably going to sound silly but I really need a guys opinion.

So I met this guy a couple of months ago and he's been pursuing me ever since. We didn't call/text much at first but we drink in the same place so saw each other every weekend. We kissed a couple of times and he asked me out but nothing ever came of it as I was busy or he was. Plus I heard rumours he was back seeing his ex girlfriend again so I said I didn't want to get involved.

I was out last Friday and he was there. He came over with a drink for me. I kindly refused and said I didn't want to get involved further as i heard he was seeing his ex. He denied this and said they're talking but he's no intention of getting back with her. I refused to believe him and walked away. He then pestered me for the rest of the night and his ex's friends were in the bar and his point was would he be talking to me in front of them if he'd anything to hide and as they'd seen us talking before they would have had something to say.

So i have him the benefit of the doubt and we went for a drink in another bar. Had a great time. He dropped me to my door, we had a kiss and i went to bed - alone.

Next morning i woke to 3 missed calls and 2 texts from him asking me for lunch. I agreed and we met. It ended up with us being out until 3am. Had a great day/night.

This is where it gets complicated... I brought him back to mine and we slept together. He stayed over and didn't leave mine until 4pm the next day. I couldn't find my keys so text him that night to see if he had them and we had banter for a few texts.

That's been it since Sunday - I've heard nothing from him since. He was full of it on Saturday saying how much he liked me etc etc, i took what he said with a punch of salt to be honest but the interest he's shown over the past couple of weeks has now confused me due to his lack of contact.

So here's the questions:

Why hasn't he called?
Is he wondering why i haven't called?
should i call?

I'm not a needy person and to be honest i don't know if i could trust him to have a relationship with but i was looking forward to getting to know him more and seeing where things lead but i can't help but feel a bit used!

The Big Red Button

A warning sign for me would be the lack of respect he seems to be showing for his ex. From the sounds of it, he was almost happy to be flaunting you in front of his ex's friends, knowing well that it would get back to her!

Think about it. Do you want to be in her position, a couple of months down the line, where he's showing how little he cares about you by chasing after another woman right in front of your friends? It just seems quite disrespectful, to me.

bellarose123

chatterpillar wrote: »

A warning sign for me would be the lack of respect he seems to be showing for his ex. From the sounds of it, he was almost happy to be flaunting you in front of his ex's friends, knowing well that it would get back to her!

Think about it. Do you want to be in her position, a couple of months down the line, where he's showing how little he cares about you by chasing after another woman right in front of your friends? It just seems quite disrespectful, to me.

Sorry was meant to say it was a 7 week relationship and has been over for 6 months.

I don't trust the guy, I don't even know why I want him to call me. I suppose in a way I want to try play the player - if that makes sense?

The Big Red Button

bellarose123 wrote: »

Sorry was meant to say it was a 7 week relationship and has been over for 6 months.

I don't trust the guy, I don't even know why I want him to call me. I suppose in a way I want to try play the player - if that makes sense?

Well you could waste time doing that ...

Or you could spend time having fun as a single person, either working on your own personal goals, or out meeting fun new decent guys!

You don't trust him, you don't even seem to like him all that much. He's not good for you. Do yourself (and himself) a favour, and leave him in the past.

bellarose123

chatterpillar wrote: »

bellarose123 wrote: »

Sorry was meant to say it was a 7 week relationship and has been over for 6 months.

I don't trust the guy, I don't even know why I want him to call me. I suppose in a way I want to try play the player - if that makes sense?

Well you could waste time doing that ...

Or you could spend time having fun as a single person, either working on your own personal goals, or out meeting fun new decent guys!

You don't trust him, you don't even seem to like him all that much. He's not good for you. Do yourself (and himself) a favour, and leave him in the past.

I do like him, that's the problem. That's why im so bothered that I haven't heard from him. He was saying how he's never met a girl like me that makes him do the chasing and how much he wants to get to know me. But then he just goes awol and I don't hear from him?!

Peanut2011

chatterpillar wrote: »

A warning sign for me would be the lack of respect he seems to be showing for his ex. From the sounds of it, he was almost happy to be flaunting you in front of his ex's friends, knowing well that it would get back to her!

Think about it. Do you want to be in her position, a couple of months down the line, where he's showing how little he cares about you by chasing after another woman right in front of your friends? It just seems quite disrespectful, to me.

OP,

Honestly I would disregard the above post completely! So what if he is hitting on another girl in front of ex's friends! It's not like he is hitting on the ex's friends! If the relationship is over and done with and they moved on, he owns nothing to her friends and just cos they all socialise around the same area, is he meant to move just so he can look around?


You mentioned at the beginning that yous kissed few times but nothing happened straight off as either you or him were busy.

What does he do for living? Could the lack of communication from him be due to work? Apart from the two days you don't mention him being in touch much so could this be normal for him?

I would say if you like him and want to see where that goes, why not just drop him a line? What have you got to lose? No one can tell you if he is right or not for you apart from yourself so I would say send a txt and see if he replies.

Than you will know where you stand.

Good luck on what ever you decide.

Taltos

OP - playing the player is a mugs game.
Just cut contact and write this one off - if he is not bothered to show you some respect by staying in touch I think you have a good measure of the type of guy he is.

On a related note - the last time you saw him and brought him back to yours you mentioned that you now cannot find your house keys - not suggesting anything - but it might be a good idea to change all of your locks, just in case.

bellarose123

Peanut2011 wrote: »

chatterpillar wrote: »

A warning sign for me would be the lack of respect he seems to be showing for his ex. From the sounds of it, he was almost happy to be flaunting you in front of his ex's friends, knowing well that it would get back to her!

Think about it. Do you want to be in her position, a couple of months down the line, where he's showing how little he cares about you by chasing after another woman right in front of your friends? It just seems quite disrespectful, to me.

OP,

Honestly I would disregard the above post completely! So what if he is hitting on another girl in front of ex's friends! It's not like he is hitting on the ex's friends! If the relationship is over and done with and they moved on, he owns nothing to her friends and just cos they all socialise around the same area, is he meant to move just so he can look around?


You mentioned at the beginning that yous kissed few times but nothing happened straight off as either you or him were busy.

What does he do for living? Could the lack of communication from him be due to work? Apart from the two days you don't mention him being in touch much so could this be normal for him?

I would say if you like him and want to see where that goes, why not just drop him a line? What have you got to lose? No one can tell you if he is right or not for you apart from yourself so I would say send a txt and see if he replies.

Than you will know where you stand.

Good luck on what ever you decide.

Thanks for that.

He's a plumber and has just finished exams. He said he hadn't been in touch because of this and now they're done he would have plenty of time.

The thing is with the ex, they're definitely in touch, I've seen her on his fb congratulating him on his exams and it was all xxx well done xxx so I do have my suspicions despite him saying nothing is going on.

This guy is 32 so I thought he'd be old enough to not play games!!

Do you reckon he's wondering why I haven called? I want to try play him at his own game now as I know I can't let it turn into something more as he doesn't appear to be one that can be trusted as much as i want to believe he can.

stargazer 68

bellarose123 wrote: »

The thing is with the ex, they're definitely in touch, I've seen her on his fb congratulating him on his exams and it was all xxx well done xxx so I do have my suspicions despite him saying nothing is going on.

I want to try play him at his own game now as I know I can't let it turn into something more as he doesn't appear to be one that can be trusted as much as i want to believe he can.

Op Im in touch with some exes too - congratulations does not mean they are together!!

Play his game and then he plays the game and it goes on and on and in the end nobody wins!! He is 32 and 'old enough not to play games' - surely you are too! Call him and then you will know!

Peanut2011

bellarose123 wrote: »

Thanks for that.

He's a plumber and has just finished exams. He said he hadn't been in touch because of this and now they're done he would have plenty of time.

The thing is with the ex, they're definitely in touch, I've seen her on his fb congratulating him on his exams and it was all xxx well done xxx so I do have my suspicions despite him saying nothing is going on.

This guy is 32 so I thought he'd be old enough to not play games!!

Do you reckon he's wondering why I haven called? I want to try play him at his own game now as I know I can't let it turn into something more as he doesn't appear to be one that can be trusted as much as i want to believe he can.

OP, playing a player will get you nowhere, however if you want to do that, it is up to you as long as you understand that is all you want to do. Problem is that people develop feelings and someone ends up hurt no matter what.

The contact between his ex and him on FB could be just that contact on FB, does not have to be anything more. Even if she wants something more, does not mean he will. I know people that are very good friends with their ex's, something that I can't understand but that is the way it is.

He simply could be trying too hard not to come across overly eager and scare you off or he could have friends who are telling him to play it hard to get or what not. Maybe he is only forward with a bit of "Dutch courage" on him!

The only way you will know is by making contact. If he is really in to you he should jump on the opportunity to see you again. No point wasting your time wondering, just do it and you can move forward. What ever that may be.

AnonoBoy

bellarose123 wrote: »

Why hasn't he called?
Is he wondering why i haven't called?
should i call?

There's only one person who can answer the first two questions.

As for the last question, well you could call him and see what the story is or just go with advice from strangers online who have already labelled him a player based on what seems like fairly normal behaviour.

If you like him call him. See if he wants to meet you again. That'll give you an answer one way or the other. It's the easiest, most grown up way to do these things.

bellarose123

AnonoBoy wrote: »

bellarose123 wrote: »

Why hasn't he called?
Is he wondering why i haven't called?
should i call?

There's only one person who can answer the first two questions.

As for the last question, well you could call him and see what the story is or just go with advice from strangers online who have already labelled him a player based on what seems like fairly normal behaviour.

If you like him call him. See if he wants to meet you again. That'll give you an answer one way or the other. It's the easiest, most grown up way to do these things.

ok so I text...he replied. We're chatting away but he hasn't mentioned meeting up so just going to play it cool and not mention it either!

Meauldsegosha

bellarose123 wrote: »

Thanks for that.

He's a plumber and has just finished exams. He said he hadn't been in touch because of this and now they're done he would have plenty of time.

The thing is with the ex, they're definitely in touch, I've seen her on his fb congratulating him on his exams and it was all xxx well done xxx so I do have my suspicions despite him saying nothing is going on.

This guy is 32 so I thought he'd be old enough to not play games!!

Do you reckon he's wondering why I haven called? I want to try play him at his own game now as I know I can't let it turn into something more as he doesn't appear to be one that can be trusted as much as i want to believe he can.

Why people put so much faith and trust into facebook is beyond me. Not all relationships end badly. I get on great with one of my ex's we often meet for dinner or a drink (and his partner doesn't mind).

Playing games doesn't benefit anyone. Why would you want to play that kind of game with someone you are hoping to have a relationship with.

AnonoBoy

bellarose123 wrote: »

ok so I text...he replied. We're chatting away but he hasn't mentioned meeting up so just going to play it cool and not mention it either!

If you want to meet up with him why not mention it?

At least if he says he's not interested then you'll know instead of texting back and forth trying to second guess what the other person is thinking.

Humria

bellarose123 wrote: »

I do like him, that's the problem. That's why im so bothered that I haven't heard from him. He was saying how he's never met a girl like me that makes him do the chasing and how much he wants to get to know me. But then he just goes awol and I don't hear from him?!

That stood out for me. If he enjoyed chasing you and then you slept together that may have lessened his interest. I'm not saying it's right but there are some people that enjoy chase more than the prize. I'd say forget about him. If he wanted to ask you out he would. He obviously knows your interested.

stargazer 68

AnonoBoy wrote: »

If you want to meet up with him why not mention it?

At least if he says he's not interested then you'll know instead of texting back and forth trying to second guess what the other person is thinking.

Exactly. If he makes excuses then you know he isn't interested and leave it at that!

CommanderC

It takes nothing to send a text. If he wanted to text you, he would.

I know you like him, but as a male, when I started seeing my gf, I didn't leave it long contacting her after we slept together for fear that she would think I was only interested in one thing. Plus I really wanted to see her again.

Don't get caught up in the "maybe he's busy", "maybe its his ex", "maybe he's waiting for me to text". You will drive yourself mad.