Buying together - for financial reasons or love?

LegacyUser

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We're both in our mid 20's. We are renting separately. He thinks it would be wonderful to buy an apartment together and would make a lot of financial sense to get on the property ladder. I love him and I feel loved by him.

I'm confused as regarding buying proerty together, when I asked him if he sees a long term future together or if he thinks it would be a good idea to buy purely for financial reasons, he said that thinking about it mathematically it would in a way 'take the pressure off' thinking about the commitment of it. He's the one who suggested buying in the first place. No pressure if coming from me. I think that we need to both realise the enormity of buying together, but I'm still a little confused - my question is - guys, if you wanted to buy an apartment with a woman you loved, would you feel it would be easier to think about it financially rather than having a more romantic view of things? I don't want to buy with someone who seems to be having a cold financial look at purchasing together but I'm trying to understand his perspective more and opinions are welcome.

Humria

You say that you are renting separately which suggests that you aren't living together yet. Would it not make sense to move in together in a rented property first?

I think buying property together in a very big commitment. You are essentially tying yourself to someone in a financial way and it isn't easy to disentangle yourself if things go sour in your relationship. In this financial climate plenty of couples have broken up but are still living together because they have mortgage on a property and neither can afford to move out.

I wouldn't buy a property with someone unless I was completely certain that the relationship was for keeps. I just think it's too much of a risk otherwise. I think it's a bad sign if your boyfriend doesn't want to think about it as a commitment because that's exactly what it is. You have only been going out for a year so what is the rush?

I have a question for you. Do you think he would want to buy a property with you if he could afford to do it on his own? If the answer is no then I wonder if he is doing this for the right reasons.

Colonel Panic

Relationships end even when you love someone. If you're not sure, rent together first!

Lexicographer

Don't do it.

Mighty_Mouse

The's 10000's of people out there in failed property ladder relationship myths!
Seriously only buy a property with a spouse!
Its a bigger decision that marriage because if it goes wrong there is no way out!!

By-the-by..........what guy asks a woman he loves to buy a property together "for financial reasons" without having a proper discussion about long-term commitment.

Is money & financial investment the priority here?
Are you first & foremost a means to getting on the "property ladder"?

hoodwinked

to be perfectly honest if he wants you to buy because a mortgage is cheaper then rent i wouldn't do it,


if you both are thinking long term then consider this:

- is an apartment what you really want? you will be signing a possible 20 year or more commitment, have you experience of living in an apartment, and will it be what you want when you are 40?


- do you plan on having children? (it might sound serious but then what happens if either of you do, will the apartment be big enough? are you ok with raising children with no back garden or without a chimney? (can be relevant at christmas ) and other features you'd get with a house)

- what will happen if things don't work out? so many people are trapped in houses/apartments living with boyfriends they broke up with because they bought together when the relationship was good and cannot afford to move out, basically can you afford to rent elsewhere while still paying a mortgage in your old apartment if things don't work out?

there is so much to think about before buying,

i've been living with my husband 4 years and we are only now feeling confortable enough to possibly buy, its a huge financial commitment (and im saying that even though we have a child)

thefeatheredcat

You're both in your mid 20s, you don't live together, and you've only been together just over a year? Seriously I think you would crazy to buy a property together at your age.

I personally think you would be very foolish to tie yourself down to a 30 or 40 year mortgage to someone you don't really have a solid commitment with that you in reality haven't been with that long. I'd be running a mile if someone had suggested that to me when I was in my mid 20s 5 years ago when everyone was busy throwing away money they didn't have and getting into debt.... especially as you don't even live together and there's no firm commitment such as a marriage first.

People I knew who were working all in their early, mid, late 20s and 30s all got sucked into "getting on the property ladder" with whoever they were with. I strongly recommend that you do not, not at your age, not without being married and most definitely not as property investors. I really think you should do your homework about people who did buy as couples and are stuck with a heavy mortgage on a worthless property that have been featured on many programmes who now have a kid or two and the place is totally unsuitable to their needs and they can't sell and can't afford anything.

You're only together a year and this guy is wanting to convince you that buying a property makes financial sense - which means he wants to buy a property but either doesn't have the money to fund the mortgage himself on his own and wants you to be saddled with decades of debt too to make it easier for him. I honestly think for a rather young relationship at your age you would be doing the worst possible thing for yourself.

Personally I recommend you say no and at least move in together first for at least a year.

If there's pressure on you from him to buy, then you know to walk away. He is most likely thinking on picking up a cheap property to turn around in a few years and make a significant profit out of it. That might be a good investment for the both of you, but you have to think about the fact that there's no solid commitment and it is incredibly difficult if your relationship hits the wall what happens afterwards.

If I were buying an apartment or a house with someone it wouldn't be because it was financially convenient and the numbers crunched well... it would be because I intend to spend the rest of my life with someone. And even then I would still go about it the old fashioned way of renting until there is a need to have a property such as a family home to raise children in.

I think you would be far, far, far better off living together in a rented apartment first and see how that goes... I think you would be incredibly naive to assume you could buy a place tomorrow move in together and function well together and be happy ever after without knowing what they're like to live with.

Don't forget that you will be liable as a property owner for not just the household tax (not the €100 but the property tax next year), but the water metering... have you even considered at what cost that is going to be? What about maintenance and repairs, structural damage, have you money set aside to finance that like such as having to pay for a new washing machine, fridge, all the general household equipment and furniture that will need replacing, have you money set aside for that, will you be able to afford it in the long run based on your current income taking mortgage repayments and general expenses into consideration? and are you sure you yourself want to be saddled with all that responsibility at such a young age in a new relationship that has no firm commitment?

LegacyUser

There is no 'property ladder' in Ireland, just one long, depressing property snake.

Do not buy together, and most certainly do not buy an apartment.

That's my advice, short and sweet.

jessiejam

Why you would be thinking about getting on the property ladder in this day and age is beyond me.
Find somewhere nice and rent together for a while. 6 months down the road you might be glad you did.

tinkerbell

OP, it would be extremely foolish for you to buy with your boyfriend when (a) you're young and only with him for 1 year and (b) you haven't even lived together yet. Wait. Rent together first and then see how you feel.

LegacyUser

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

We have travelled across the world together for months, living with each other for 24/7 and I believe that was a good test of our relationship. We're going to give it more time and see how it goes. I do want a future with this man and I can see myself with him for the rest of my life, but I know how unexpected things can arise. Thanks everyone.

ABajaninCork

Don't do it OP!!! I bought a flat with a boyfriend when I was 22. Boy, do I regret it now...

Of course he buggered off leaving me with the mortgage. I struggled and I mean STRUGGLED for years trying to keep my head above water. This was in the days when the mortgage rate in the UK was 17%!!! I had two jobs, and worked every hour God sent (often 7 days a week). All my friends had nice clothes, cars and two or three holidays a year. Me? All I had were letters from that bloke Bill (most of them rude! :P), and a load of agg.

Given the way the property market is at the moment, you'd be crazy to even consider it. Have a look at some of the threads on the Acc & Property and Legal Discussion forums. Loads of threads from couple who bought at the height of the boom, have since split and are in a world of trouble trying to sort out the mortgage. At your age, you should rent and keep your money in your pocket. Take it from someone who knows...

Lorna123

Whatever about a house, DO NOT BUY AN APARTMENT. I wouldn't even buy an apartment if I was in a committed relationship. Houses are getting cheaper these days and if you decide in the future that you need a house you won't be able to get rid of the apartment and it will be a noose around your neck. Steer clear.

mr_edge_to_you

This is a ridiculous proposal - buying an apartment for financial reasons. Makes no sense in the short, medium or long-term. There would be some sense in buying a large apartment in an area of Dublin such as Christchurch where you will always have a certain level of demand for rent but it certainly wouldn't be an ideal family home. But apartments like those are still as expensive as they were 6 years ago.

Young people nowadays can't buy with the intention of selling on. People must buy property where they can see themselves living for the rest of their lives. You need to buy on the assumption that you won't be moving out of it. If this is a person who can imagine spending your life with, do you want to be old and retired living there? If you plan to start a family do you want your children growing up in a city centre apartment? Not something id like personally but each to their own. It's an unfortunate consequence of the Celtic tiger madness and the mess we're in economically. You need to put on your long-term thinking cap for a decision like this.

I also have experience of buying a house with a partner, didn't work out. Trying to sort out the house was one of the most difficult and trying experiences of my life.

Take your time, rent a nice apartment for a while. I'm not sure of your financial circumstances but you might need to save for a year or two.

But really, anyone who thinks you should buy an apartment for financial reasons at this moment in time isn't thinking rationally. I certainly wouldn't be doing it.

LegacyUser

Don't buy an apartment with your boyfriend who you are with for a year.
He needs your salary to buy an apartment but he is not willing to chat about your long term future.
If you make a bad decision now you could end up living in the wrong place, with the wrong person and be paying for a property which will not suit your needs in 5 to 10 years time.
I know a couple who both brought property during the boom. They live the house and rent out the apartment. They need a bigger house but cant move due to negative equity.
A lot of there friends are stuck in apartments or house that are to small. Some are renting houses when they still have a mortgage to pay on the apartment they brought in the boom.
The apartment is rented out but the rent won't cover the mortgage and they are praying each month the renters won't give notice that they are leaving.
The days of buying an apartment or house and selling it on for a profit in 12 to 18 months are long gone. The job market is poor and the banks are not lending money like they once where.
I would not be in any rush to buy an apartment or house at the moment as you will only be making life hard on yourself. If you rent you can move if your relationship ends, if you lose your job or you get a better job elsewhere but this could be impossible if you have a mortgage on an apartment. A lot of people who brought in the boom are stuck now so learn from other people mistakes and don't make one which could distroy your future.

Emme

It sounds like your boyfriend is looking for a business partner, not a life partner.

Don't buy anything with him. Tell him you will consider buying if you rent together first for about a year. If he doesn't agree with that then I definitely wouldn't consider buying with him and I'd also consider ending the relationship. You're in your 20s, if your rent is too expensive could you move to a cheaper place, save more and consider buying on your own later?

Beruthiel

10101101001 wrote: »

We are renting separately.

If you want to know me, come live with me.

I think you would be mad to buy a property with someone you have never lived with.
Only when you share a home with someone do you truly know if you can actually live with them.
I would suggest you rent together for at least 6months to a year.
By then you'll know if he is liveable with.

The Big Red Button

10101101001 wrote: »

We have travelled across the world together for months, living with each other for 24/7 and I believe that was a good test of our relationship.

That's not really the same though, is it? It's not a normal environment, you're off exploring and seeing new places and new things, and everything's exciting and fun ... it's not like the boring reality of every day life, where you're working out bills and fighting over doing the washing up and taking out the bins etc.

You're so young - what's the rush? I got engaged at a very young age myself, and with hindsight, getting married wouldn't have involved nearly as much commitment as getting a mortgage (thankfully I'd enough sense not to do either in the end!) I'm only 26 now, but I've learned enough from my past to realise that it would be absolutely crazy to get married or buy a property without living with the person for at least a couple of years first. Have you suggested this to him? How does he feel about renting together? If he brings up the "rent is dead money" argument, you should post about it in the Accommodation and Property forum, and you'll soon get all the facts you need about that!!!

Getting a mortgage in your twenties might have been the "done" thing a few years ago, but it's not anymore - for very good reasons. The negatives very much outweigh the positives.

There is no property ladder, really - that was a concept where, several years ago, if you were smart about it, you could stand to make money through good purchases, if you were lucky. That's not happening anymore, so there is usually no real financial benefit to owning a property. If you had kids together and were settled for life in your jobs and in an area - yes, it might make sense to purchase a place for the stability of knowing you can't be kicked out. Are you really sure that the job you're in now is the one you want to stay in forever? And you're never going to want to go travelling again? And would it not be nice to enjoy a few more years of renting, where you just hand over a set amount of money every month, and the big repairs/replacements are someone else's problem?

My advice would be, definitely, move in together, for at least a couple of years. See how you feel after that. Take your time, there's no rush. I don't see why he wouldn't be agreeable to this - after all, if he wasn't with you, he'd be renting anyways?! If anything, you'll both probably save a little by renting a place together. But, if he's that eager to purchase a place, let him do it on his own. There are no sensible financial reasons for buying a place together, in Ireland at this time. In my opinion, it would be a terrible idea to do so.

Vicxas

For the love of god rent a place together first.

You only meet a true person once you live with them.

Peanut2011

10101101001 wrote: »

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year. We're both in our mid 20's. We are renting separately. He thinks it would be wonderful to buy an apartment together and would make a lot of financial sense to get on the property ladder. I love him and I feel loved by him.

I'm confused as regarding buying proerty together, when I asked him if he sees a long term future together or if he thinks it would be a good idea to buy purely for financial reasons, he said that thinking about it mathematically it would in a way 'take the pressure off' thinking about the commitment of it. He's the one who suggested buying in the first place. No pressure if coming from me. I think that we need to both realise the enormity of buying together, but I'm still a little confused - my question is - guys, if you wanted to buy an apartment with a woman you loved, would you feel it would be easier to think about it financially rather than having a more romantic view of things? I don't want to buy with someone who seems to be having a cold financial look at purchasing together but I'm trying to understand his perspective more and opinions are welcome.

OP, if you look around the place you will see so many couples that bought together and are no longer an item but can't afford to do anything as they can't sell it!

The buying together should never be for financial reasons! After all, dating for over a year and not living together should prompt the question if you are ready to move in together first. Renting one place instead of two will give you less pressure and will give you a trial run on living together.

Guess what, if it does not work out, very easy to cut your losses.

AnonoBoy

Just want to pipe in to echo all the above.

DON'T DO IT....


Rent together first. For gawd's sake you've only been together a year.

Would you get married in the morning if he asked you? I doubt it.

And you can at least get out of a marriage.

Try divorcing your mortgage and see how far you get.

Definitely don't do it.

And when you do eventually buy a property with someone in the years ahead - don't buy an apartment.

Nody

Living together, seeing the kitchen uncleaned, the pan not done or what ever is a mile apart from travelling around the world together and saying we'er grand. Trust me as I've done both and it's the small things that will nag on you and your relationship that you only get once you've living together that will be the deciding factor.

If you believe this is the guy and want to save rent move in together and once you've lived together for a few years rented, and have jobs, THEN you can talk about buying a place to live but not until then.

strandroad

Don't even think about putting your money in it. If he still believes in the property ladder myth and wants to buy an apartment in a falling market, he has no clue whatsoever... but he wants your money to pay for it. Stay well away from his "investment" ideas, rent together to see how you like living together, then after a couple of years you can make the call about possibly buying something to keep, not "flip". His thinking is so 2007.