Can't have sex with new guy...how to explain??

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I have a strange and rather embarrassing problem. First off, let me say that I am NOT looking for medical advice...I'm fine on that front, more advice on how to handle/communicate this with the guy in question. I just find it all slightly mortifying!

So Im a mid 20s woman and have just started dating a really lovely guy. Its early days but we've been getting on like a house on fire and attraction is pretty strong for both of us. Needless to say, we should be sleeping together soon, but that's where the problem lies...

I've been having some gynaelogical problems lately. Basically irregular bleeding mid cycle, which I've been checked out for - blood tests, ultrasound etc all came back normal. I've been referred to a gyno and I'm waiting for that to happen in the next few weeks, but this month has been particularly bad for me...at the risk of getting too graphic, I've basically been bleeding lightly for the last week down there. Not my period, mid cycle again. Nothing too bad, but it's there nonetheless and I'm a nervous wreck just waiting for it to stop. This is a new problem for me and now that they've ruled out anything serious, my stress has SOMEWHAT abated & now I'm just dealing with the absolute nuisance of it. Its a new problem for me & I don't know when/if it's going to stop.

So all that aside, I'm essentially wondering how I should handle this with my new guy? He's really lovely and there's been no pressure there at all, but I 1. don't want him to think that I'm not interested in him or something because ordinarily I would have a high sex drive and absolutely no bedroom qualms, would prob have been a bit more physical by this stage already and 2. I actually really do want to have sex with him. I just can't get passed the 'icky' factor and don't want to totally gross him/freak him out...kind of a bit of a buzz kill!

Any advice would be massively helpful, I couldn't in a million years see myself uttering a word of this in the real world...!

Thanks

Beruthiel

embarrassingissue wrote: »

I've been having some gynaelogical problems lately. Basically irregular bleeding mid cycle, which I've been checked out for - blood tests, ultrasound etc all came back normal. I've been referred to a gyno and I'm waiting for that to happen in the next few weeks, but this month has been particularly bad for me...at the risk of getting too graphic, I've basically been bleeding lightly for the last week down there. Not my period, mid cycle again. Nothing too bad, but it's there nonetheless and I'm a nervous wreck just waiting for it to stop. This is a new problem for me and now that they've ruled out anything serious, my stress has SOMEWHAT abated & now I'm just dealing with the absolute nuisance of it. Its a new problem for me & I don't know when/if it's going to stop.

So all that aside, I'm essentially wondering how I should handle this with my new guy? He's really lovely and there's been no pressure there at all, but I 1. don't want him to think that I'm not interested in him or something because ordinarily I would have a high sex drive and absolutely no bedroom qualms, would prob have been a bit more physical by this stage already and 2. I actually really do want to have sex with him. I just can't get passed the 'icky' factor and don't want to totally gross him/freak him out...kind of a bit of a buzz kill!

Honestly, I don't understand why you cannot tell him all of the above.
If he is as great as you say, would he not be understanding and concerned for your health?
Would he not be prepared to wait and see what comes from your medical results?
Give the guy some credit and just be honest.

Meauldsegosha

Just be honest with him. If he is as nice as you say he'll understand. He hasn't put any pressure on you so relax and see what happens. It may have stopped by the time the moment arises.

ash23

Just be honest. I got a really bad dose of thrush a few weeks into my relationship and had to tell himself that nookie was off the cards for a few weeks til I was sorted. We had just started sleeping together and I had to stop sleeping with him. But he was totally sound about it.
Just explain that you're having irregular bleeding which you're being treated for but it's nothing serious but you will have to prolong waiting to have sex.
If he's a decent fella I'm sure it'll be fine.

I'd be honest with him though and explain because he might start to feel you don't fancy him.

Merkin

Tell him the truth, he will be far more understanding of the truth then you coming up with lies which will make him wonder what the real problem is

Princess Peach

I have been in the same boat a few times! Just tell him the truth. I tend to leave out the gory details at the beginning But I've never had a bad reaction to it. Been with my current boyfriend a while now and I tell him waaaay too much, but he is very understanding and really its no issue at all.

I don't think there's really much of an "ick factor" from talking about it. If he really likes you he won't care and just enjoy spending any time with you. And tell him about your regular high drive and that you do fancy him, keep him on his toes!

Piliger

Hi OP. I agree with the posters above. Tell him. Tell him at an intimate moment when you are cuddling etc. and tell him you really like him and you want to make love with him .. but you have a small problem that needs to be taken care of first .. then explain. It will make him feel wanted, and he will know it's just a matter of time.
Make sure you tell the consultant too ... they can be somewhat relaxed at times and need to be told that time is an important factor here.

LegacyUser

Hi, I experience the same light bleed mid-month as well and after a lot of tests the same as you have had & an appointment with the gynae they found out it is actually a sharp rise and fall in my hormones when I am ovulating that causes me to have that mid-month bleed. At least you know from your test results its nothing in the serious catagory and I hope you get the answers you need from your gynae soon, I know how much it can worry you

When I started going out with my boyfriend I felt slightly embarassed about it, nervous about having to explain it to him, but then I figured that at some point in the future I would obviously at some point in a month have to tell him I was on my full period if he wanted to get "jiggy" lol, so really what difference was there in explaining to him about my light mid-month bleed, it was going to have to be done sooner or later. So I just bit the bullet and explained it one night when we were sat cuddled up on the sofa and he was absolutely great and understood and it was not an issue to him at all.

The first few months I wouldn't sleep with him during this mid-cycle bleed because of my own embarassment, but he always reassured me he was fine about it, it didn't turn him off, so once I got over my own embarassment and because it is only a light bleed (its certainly not like a full blown period!!) and reassurance from my boyfriend that he was okay with it, then we resumed a full sex life week in, week out

Seriously hon, don't worry about speaking to him about it, sometimes we blow these things up in our head to be a bigger issue than they actually are and after we just open our mouths and speak to that person we usually end up wondering why we were so worried in the first place.

x

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reassurance guys, I know that you're all right.

I'm just struggling with the words on this one and am so worried about totally turning him off and killing this thing that we have...I mean this is supposed to be the sexy stage where we find each other irresistable, not the stage where he should be thinking about the graphic details of the dysfunctional menstrual cycle of the girl he's dating...!

I know that it's just my own paranoia, but I just feel like it will kill all his attraction for me to have to think about me in that way.

And it's been a stressful few weeks for me with all of this...I think on top of all the stress I've had, this is something else that is freaking me out and I'm probably over-analysing and making it worse.

Really hope things settle down for me soon

Princess Peach

If you don't feel comfortable with the details you don't need to tell him everything. You could say things like, I have an irregular cycle and can't predict when it happens, so you need to wait. Tell him you are stressed and waiting on appointments, I bet he will be understanding and supportive. And I doubt a chat will put him off

If he really likes you it shouldn't matter. Won't get graphic here but very early on in my current relationship I had some issues while being with my boyfriend. The few times it happened I genuinely thought to myself, that's it he will never touch me again. But he said he didn't care and it hasn't put him off. All he has been is concerned for my health. Hope you found a good guy too!

Find other ways to feel and be sexy without having sex.