Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

constantly thinking of someone else.

  • 26-07-2012 12:17am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hey all, Long time Lurker, never poster.

    this has probably being asked before and sorry.

    but for the last 4 months i've being going out with my current girlfriend and it has being good. (not great, say we love each other and she means it but from me i just cant feel it) so i somewhat doubt our relationship but at the same time i need her.

    I have another problem,

    Before christmas i was a christmas temp in a shop in dublin city and while there i got very found of a colleague that i worked with (no other way of putting it but she was amazingly perfect in every way for me, weird, cute and really fun)

    I finished as a christmas temp (my choice to leave) and she stayed on but we kept texting. that slowly died off with texts becoming left frequent.

    But i just cant stop thinking about her. every day. its like an obsession with her and i dont know what to do because she really was perfect and i know im only kidding myself with my current girlfriend.

    I dont know what to do.

    It feels kinda like that i have my current girlfriend but i kinda feels like theres better out there but i cant have it so i'm kinda settling.

    any advice for myself ?


Comments

  • #2
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    26*07*2012 wrote: »
    but for the last 4 months i've being going out with my current girlfriend and it has being good. (not great, say we love each other and she means it but from me i just cant feel it)

    I think it quite cruel of you to tell her you love her if you do not mean it.
    You're basically lying to her. Why would you do that?
    It feels kinda like that i have my current girlfriend but i kinda feels like theres better out there but i cant have it so i'm kinda settling.

    any advice for myself ?

    Finish with her.
    Would you want a partner to tell you that they are settling for you as nobody better seems to have come along?
    Don't you think she deserves to be with someone who does not consider themselves to be settling.
    While you continue to go out with this girl you deprive her of the chance of finding someone who considers her to be the best thing since sliced pan.
    Stop being selfish and do her the courtesy of being honest with her.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP, I believe you come across as someone who may be quite self centred. Maybe you are or aren't but you're clearly falling foul of the moral brigade (quite rightly) for stringing the other girl along when your heart isn't in it. You should release her.

    Just one more thing, however. Don't forget to pursue the other girl. If she rejects you, it will probably help you move on or who knows, you may end up the girl of your dreams.


  • #4
    Bambii_
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 263 ✭✭Bambii_


    First of all, you should talk to your current girlfriend, and end the relationship. It is in no way fair to her for her to think you love her when you don't. She deserves to be told about how you feel so she can move on and find the right person for her. I think this will help you in getting your head straight too.

    Have you tried to resume contact with the past colleague? I think it is important you do, since you seem so fixated with her. If yous get on, then alls well, but if not then you know that it wasn't meant to be and you can move on and find the better woman that you believe to be out there.

    But never settle with less than what you need to make you happy. It is not fair on you, or the woman you settle with.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I do agree fully that it is not in any way ethical to string my current girlfriend along, i agree 100% that it is not right.

    i have tried with my ex colleague before by asking her out but it just never happened, I have also tried contacting her once or twice with a text saying "hey, how are you??" or "hey, havn't spoken in a while" but each time never a reply so I believe that that is out of the window with the ex colleague.
    I have seen her twice when i was out and about and have just said "hey" and walked on and not looked back, it kind of makes me angry to think that she did that.

    so I know i cant have the colleague but my current girlfriend i dont think i could do without, we never fight, get along well and so on, maybe i just need to focus more on us to get myself into it ?


  • #6
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    OP - are you afraid of just being alone and not in a relationship?
    Not trying to be smart here or mess with your head - but why else would you stay with someone you clearly don't love?

    Step back a moment - would you want someone to so use you as to just waste your time until something/someone better came along?
    I really don't think that is fair on both your girlfriend and also in a way on you - how many potential partners will be scared off by fact that you appear to be in a committed stable relationship.

    Please stop wasting your girlfriends time - you really can't justify any other description and let her get on with her life and you to get on with yours - either alone or with someone you love...


  • Advertisement
  • #7
    Bambii_
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 263 ✭✭Bambii_


    26*07*2012 wrote: »
    I do agree fully that it is not in any way ethical to string my current girlfriend along, i agree 100% that it is not right.

    i have tried with my ex colleague before by asking her out but it just never happened, I have also tried contacting her once or twice with a text saying "hey, how are you??" or "hey, havn't spoken in a while" but each time never a reply so I believe that that is out of the window with the ex colleague.
    I have seen her twice when i was out and about and have just said "hey" and walked on and not looked back, it kind of makes me angry to think that she did that.

    so I know i cant have the colleague but my current girlfriend i dont think i could do without, we never fight, get along well and so on, maybe i just need to focus more on us to get myself into it ?


    Your colleague seems to have made it pretty clear she has no interest in any sort of relationship with you. You're best to forget about her and move on.

    As for your current girlfriend, I think you need to have a talk with her and tell her how you feel. That you don't love her and you're unsure about wanting to be with her long term. It's up to you if you want to try and focus more on your current relationship. It could be a case of you don't realize what is in front of you and if you pay more attention you might see whats there, but honestly it just sounds like your not that into her. You shouldn't feel like you have to settle for less than what you want and its not fair for her to be in a relationship where you don't return the love she has for you.


Advertisement