Dating an ex's best friend?

LegacyUser

Six months ago I ended a 4 year long relationship. We had been growing apart for some time and it was a fairly amicable split. We still facebook from time to time.

Since then I met somebody new, as did my ex. Unfortunately things didnt work out in my new relationship and we broke up a few weeks ago.

So now Im trying to move on, look to the future (you only live once and all that). The problem is I've got it in my head that I'd like to ask out somebody that is a very very good friend of my ex.

Having gone out with my ex for 4 years ive meet this person on a lot of occasions and would know them fairly well. Imo we get on very well and i have always liked them. How this person feels about me tho- i have no idea.

My question is- would it be crazy/stupid/out of order to text this person and ask them on a date out of the blue? Ive been trying to start a conversation with the ex on the matter but i havnt been getting anywhere- probably too busy to talk to me.

ananas

Personally I'd think that it wouldn't be a good idea to ask out your ex bfs friend. It's amicable now but I can't imagine that he'd be pleased if you asked out his friend. It would have the potential to ruin your friendship for someone who you don't know fancies you as well!

Put yourself in his shoes- how would you feel if he made a move on your best friend?

leeroybrown

It's entirely dependent on the people and relationships involved but with the answer more often being no. I know plenty of people who wouldn't care less if a friend dated their ex and others who'd consider it treason. Only you (or your mutual friends) will have an idea what the actual answer is in this case.

Lorna123

I have decided that you are a man, not sure though, so change the gender to suit.

If you would really like to do this and you get on very well with your ex then I think I would ask her opinion on this first. She would also probably know if this friend fancied you or not and this could save you a lot of uncertainty.

username123

Seems disrespectful to me. Although you do get these groups of friends where everyone has slept with everyone else, sort of weird to me, but if thats acceptable within the group then go ahead.

ash23

I think it's awful to be honest. Even if the relationship ended on good terms, it will be a kick in the teeth to your ex. You were with them for 4 years so it's time to leave their life (and their friends) alone.
Your ex is unlikely to want you in such close quarters.

Podgers

After a few months id have no problem but 4 years seems along time to be with someone and i say it would cause some friction. even though my mother was going out with my fathers best friend for 2 years before she went with my father and they are still all good friends to this day so it all depends on your ex's perception on it.

i believe if two people have strong feelings towards each other there's not a lot one can do.

maybe be keep it good friends with this guy for a bit and see how you get on?

Colonel Panic

There's no right or wrong answer here. My ex recently told me she's been getting close to a friend of mine and they're going go out on a date.

I would by lying if it didn't hurt a bit, but our relationship is over, we are still civil (and I hope, friends) and the guy's a nice chap so who am I to stand in their way?

I'm glad she told me though, not that I would've expected her to let my feels get in the way of her choice. I just smiled and said "Didn't expect that! He's a nice guy!"

gerryk

If I were your ex, and this came to fruition, I would be pretty goddamn annoyed at you and my treacherous best friend.
If this relationship was years in the past, then maybe, but 6 months? How can you think that this might be acceptable?

It seems like there's not even a huge attraction here... and apparently nothing at all mutual. Surely you can look elsewhere for your next partner.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your opinions and advice guys. I realise I am being selfish in thinking this way.

Honestly, I think if my ex wanted to date a good friend of mine, I wouldnt really mind, i honestly just want them to be happy. However I feel I am more ok with being friends and a less jealous person than my ex.

The truth is I find it very hard to imagine meeting somebody as right for me as this person in the future. I really really like this person- (although I may have built them up a bit in my head). For example an old friend of mine that i used to fancy asked me out about a month ago- obviously i had to decline as i was in a relationship. But now i could ask them out- this is a very nice, very funny person but i am being put off contacting them as all i can think of is that i would rather ask out my ex's friend. Not sure what to do about this?

Since the break up i have no contact with my ex's friend and will not either as i live in a different town. And if I were to ask them out it may go horribly wrong. Im thinking of putting the idea on the back burner for a while. I might discuss it with my ex at some stage when they get back to me. (i havnt been getting replies to my messages lately so im not going to push it)