How to forget her

LegacyUser

Regular poster.

I'm a M in my late twenties. I've never had any kind of long term relationship with a girl but that's a separate issue. Lots of reasons for this. I'm not looking for ms Perfect or anything like that, it's just that no matter what happens, they're just always elsewhere or unavailable or some conspiring circumstances that keep me away from someone I like. The ones I like don't like me back or, more commonly, are in relationships. Opportunities for me are few and far between and rationally speaking, I've always been the nice guy that... well you know the old story. Being overweight for many years didn't do much for my love life but that's changed now, thankfully.

There's a girl I know. I met her when a close friend of mine started seeing her years ago and she has been in my life since to varying extents. She has a heart of gold. She's a total wall flower like I am. I just know we see the world the same way and she's one of the very few people who I feel we just understand each other (you may swallow your puke again now). She's gorgeous. In this respect, we're completely different. Men have always flocked around her. She has been in long term relationships almost consecutively since I've known her. I know she values me and the connection we have but I know it's in a brotherly way. We never got really close but we would be out with friends and she might have one too many and always reserve an inappropriate hug for me! She's not like most girls. I would be crazy about her if she had two noses but I know she would never feel the same about me. It would be too weird for her and God knows I would be far from the most desirable guy she's been out with even if I were her usual 'type', which I'm not.

We have lots of mutual friends but I've never been in her inner circle, which has been a good thing. She asked me if I'd move in with her and some of her friends a few years ago when I was looking for a flat but I knew I couldn't watch her come and go with her bf of the time. It would have been too painful. I just did my own thing instead. I moved abroad for work for eighteen months and a week before I left, I heard she had split up with her BF of the time. She couldn't make it to my going away party. I get back and of course, she had long since found someone new and I know him. A super guy. I'd love to hate him but I can't. He's wonderful.

I've only bumped into her once since I came home earlier this year and we're at the hour of life where you're not out with your pals every weekend and I don't feel right contacting her out of the blue. She's not on FB any more either. I'm sure the next thing I'll hear about her is that she's engaged. I know it's something she desires in life and I feel like it's something I have to prepare myself for some day soon. Life is pretty slow for me at the moment and I find my thoughts linger on her. I fantasise about bumping into her and she telling me she were single. I fantasise about all kinds of interactions I might have with her. It's not healthy and I need to stop it but the question is how? I need to move on and focus on my own life and in particular, my own love life but I just keep getting stuck on this special girl that I can never have. Oh gawwwwd it's all so adolescent but what do I do?

nowyouresix

OP: If you do nothing you'll get nowhere. Be proactive and find out whether she is single. If she is , then call her and ask her out. If she's not, then unfortunately there is nothing you can do, but move on, knowing that she is happy.
Good luck.