is 22 months too early to be expecting to be proposed too??

feegee

Hi all, Myself and the better half have been going out for the past 22 months, iam head over heals in love with him, and believe he feels the same way, i dont want to get married straight away, i want to wait at least 5 years, but really wish he made the commitment and proposed, is it too early for this?? ive been dropping hint should i just leave it and if it happens it happens, were pretty seriously and even moved to Canada together and we have a really good relationship, do you think its too early? or if you know you want to spend the rest of your life with some-one why not do it...

Fluorescence

Moved from the Ladies Lounge to Personal Issues.


More appropriate here, OP. Good luck!

theteal

is that a rabbit in the pot? :pac:

different horses for different courses, op. generally I'm not one for time limits in such cases but I would feel that 22 months is a bit soon. have you spoken to him about the future? has he expressed a desire to get married someday?

I don't see the point in getting engaged for 5 years after you have only been togather less than 2 as it stands - what extra commitment does an engagement show? it can be walked away from very easily. you live together and have moved away together, that shows more commitment to me.

all I can really say is talk to each other and don't be putting pressure on the lad

feegee

I get what your saying, i think him moving to Canada with me says enough, weve done so much together i think this is the next step, i should lay off the hints he knows how i feel ...maybe i should just let things happen naturally ...thanks

Lorna123

feegee wrote: »

Hi all, Myself and the better half have been going out for the past 22 months, iam head over heals in love with him, and believe he feels the same way, i dont want to get married straight away, i want to wait at least 5 years, but really wish he made the commitment and proposed, is it too early for this?? ive been dropping hint should i just leave it and if it happens it happens, were pretty seriously and even moved to Canada together and we have a really good relationship, do you think its too early? or if you know you want to spend the rest of your life with some-one why not do it...

Depends on how young you both are. If you are only in your early 20s then I would say that 22 months is too soon. However, if you are both in your early 30s then 22 months is about right. I would want to think that I could spend the rest of my life with someone after 22 months and if I didn't feel like that then it would be time to split. You feel like this and so should your OH. No harm in asking him how he feels about the future, you owe it to yourself to know.

realgirl

Personally I think if it is important to you to know where you stand with your bf then ask him what his plans are for the future of your relationship. Hints can be lost in translation and lead to resentment. I don't think 22 months is too early for a proposal but each person and couple are different and should do what suits them.

feegee

I am 26 he is 27, and as i said were going out 22 months but from the word go weve been mad about each other , he knows me better than i now myself were each others backbone, we have spoken about the future, kids were not ready at this moment and wont be for a while but we do want them, as for getting engaged, he said by me nagging will ruin it for when it happens, and that iam adding time on, i think its perfect timming, i dont see a reason for him not too, he has said he wants to spend his life with me but then again i dont want him to feel he has to i want him to want too ..

feegee

thats true, i have asked about our future and we have a fantastic plan and goals , he talks about everything but when i bring up him popping the question, he goes quiet maybe iam ruining it on him, or he doesnt want to, but i feel he does, maybe he is scared, or wants to wait longer which i be fine with, as iam going nowhere on him, it just be nice to know is it in the pipe line,

Boskowski

Now there's us your answer then. He says you nagging about it would spoil it for him. Then you come here for confirmation whether you're right to be nagging him?
Don't be doing that it seems things are going so well for ye.
Different if you were like 5 or 6 six years together and no sign of nothing but in this case I'd say take it easy girl seems you're having a good time no need to cast a shadow over it.

feegee

i guess your right , things are very good at the moment, iam girl i cant help think these things....iam going stop hinting he knows how i feel i suppose if its meant it will happen... (hopefully)

snafuk35

feegee wrote: »

Hi all, Myself and the better half have been going out for the past 22 months, iam head over heals in love with him, and believe he feels the same way, i dont want to get married straight away, i want to wait at least 5 years, but really wish he made the commitment and proposed, is it too early for this?? ive been dropping hint should i just leave it and if it happens it happens, were pretty seriously and even moved to Canada together and we have a really good relationship, do you think its too early? or if you know you want to spend the rest of your life with some-one why not do it...

Have you told him any of this? If not why not? Dropping hints won't change things. You have come out in the open and tell him what you are thinking.
He's not a psychic and there is no such thing as telepathy.

Boskowski

As you said yourself he knows how you feel about it. For the moment there isn't a whole lot more you can do.
Tbh I can see where he's coming from. A lot of 'us' (I'm a guy obviously) - believe it or not - want this to be special too. So if he now proposed it will feel to him like he's just givin in to something that's kinda the scheduled thing anyway.
I was in the same situation a few years ago and I had this notion of it has to happen out of the blue for her and was hoping for her then go all 'oh my god' and all that. Movie stuff sort of. This talking it through kinda thing beforehand spoiled that for me and I felt a little disappointed. It wasn't that I wanted it not or anything.
Know where I'm coming from?

McCloskey_A

Just my two cents.. I'm 27 and OH is 29, getting married in 6 weeks!
Together for 9 years when we got engaged!, will be 12 years at Christmas, don't put pressure on, if you are both happy with how things are going, what is the difference? If its meant to happen it will,
Also I tend to be the control freak in our relationship, so even though we had talked about it, proposal came at an out of the blue time and was a great surprise- which ended up being more special,
So I suppose don't put pressure on yourselves (wedding planning is not fun...),

Ellsbells

I dunno op. Are you happy to make the move abroad with him on the basis of no committment. I have found that what girls see as 'progress' in a relationship e.g. Moving in together often means nothing more to the guy than moving in and not necessarily the path to marriage...

Its a big move to leave the country for someone and if it were me I would want to know what the future holds. Do you want kids? Does he? You need to iron out all these issues before you make any grand move. One question asking him about marriage is so much more effective than 100 hints. You should be able to talk about this stuff in an adult way. you are good enough to live with so why not marry? Don't move unless you are happy with the answers.

strandroad

feegee wrote: »

he said by me nagging will ruin it for when it happens

What kind of a couple are you, OP? A traditional one, where the guy calls all the shots in engagement/marriage timing or an equal partnership one? Because in the former you should indeed await and accept his decision but in an equal one you should have a right to say what you think about an important decision and not be met with "stop nagging".

and that iam adding time on

What does he mean by this?

Bobsammy

I have to say I don't see the rush in getting engaged if marriage is going to wait another 5 years.
Do you think it will make that much difference to your relationship given that you're already living together? Moving so far away together really says a lot about the strength of your commitment to each other.
However that being said if you want to get engaged then you have to tell him - hinting around the subject will not be nearly as effective as sitting down and talking to him. I suppose you need to discuss a timeline of sorts and see that you're on the same page.You won't know til you talk to him.

If you have no intention of getting married or having children for the next five years.
What is the point of being engaged?
You need to have a hard look at the motivation behind this.
Why isn't being happy in your relationship enough for you right now? What do you have to prove?

Joe10000

He wants to propose his way, you are nagging him and yet you probably want the "perfect" proposal, stop talking about it and everything will happen in its own time.

Counting your relationship in months the way you do would worry me a little, life is not a race and this relationship may not be your last, slow down !!

Big Bag of Chips

Why don't you propose to him?

Set up a night - arrange the surprise, and ask him.

(I asked/told my husband we were going to get married - no big gesture needed, and when we eventually got the ring and I put it on my finger it was still the best feeling in the world, without all the theatrics!)

LegacyUser

It seems that you have a deep insecurity about losing this man. You need to ask yourself why you are so desperate to get this commitment? Has he cheated in the past? Has someone cheated on you in the past? Has he indicated that he is not keen on making definite decisions?

Boskowski

It's basically your choice. If you want it to be a magical moment for both of you leave it alone. If you are feeling about it rather businesslike, pursuing your 'life plan', then you can talk it through, be pushy. But it will probably feel a bit like any other joint decision, e.g. buying a new car together or so.

Madam_X

Why does he have to propose to you? Oh yeh, it's "the done thing". Just propose to him if you need it so badly. Or... just enjoy your relationship? Is the being engaged for five years thing a fashion, something you want to be able to tell others or what? Because it certainly doesn't seem to have any practicality or substance to it.

Actually, don't propose to him - it's too soon and you could freak him out. When the time comes for marriage, discuss marriage, instead of putting stock into a pointless, illogical, fake, non spontaneous ritual that guys can feel forced into doing. How romantic.

boomkatalog

feegee wrote: »

moved to Canada together and we have a really good relationship

Congratulations on your happy relationship imo, the fact that he has moved to a far corner of the world with you says a lot about his commitment to you (maybe more than a proposal would), don't worry about the ring, enjoy each other and all the rest will come with time if its right.

Madam_X

feegee wrote: »

i guess your right , things are very good at the moment, iam girl i cant help think these things

It's nothing to do with you being a girl. You don't speak for all girls.

And he's dead right to say nagging will just put him off the idea if that's how he feels. Hinting and hinting at someone to say "Will you marry me?" is just... bizarre.

KamiKazeKitten

OP, I'm not a huge fan of time limits but I do think 22 months is too early. Why the rush to get engaged, especially if you're not planning on marrying for about 5 years? I could understand if you were together longer but if you are this set on being "tied down" (excuse the phrase, but I'm sure you understand what I mean), you need to look at your motivations for it.

Don't propose to him, he knows how you feel and has said himself your nagging will only ruin it for him. Leave it be and enjoy your relationship.

tan11ie

I don't see why getting engaged is such a big issue if you don't plan on getting married for another five years! Just enjoy the relationship without adding the pressure of getting him to propose.

I think 22 months is way too early anyhow, but that's just my opinion.

Ellsbells

I dont see why 22 months is too early???? They are living together....

Op why would you wait 5 years to get married?

ash23

I think if you are planning on getting married and having kids, then it's not too early to get engaged. But if you aren't ready for that yet, then why would you even get engaged? If you get engaged people will be wrecking your head to know when you're getting married. I'm older than you OP but after 22 months and living with someone I'd be expecting an impending engagement. But that is only because I would also be wanting to actually get married and have more children. I wouldn't be too bothered about the engagement if there was no wedding in the foreseeable future to be honest.

SlowSprint

Feegee,

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all and I think there have been some unfair comments about your wish to know where you are going as a couple.
I am a guy and after less than that period of time (22 months), my then girlfriend asked me whether I planned to marry her at some point and we talked it all through. I think she made the right decision in finding out exactly where she stood as much as possible as early as possible. I probably wouldnt have raised it myself - most guys probably wont.
Years later I was still able to surprise her with a ring, so she didnt lose out on that, and we are now married.

I would dvise you stop dropping hints and instead have a serious though relaxed conversation with him about whether he intends to marry you and what kind of timeframe he would have in mind. All of these decisions belong to both of you, and you have a right to as much clarity as to what he plans as possible. If you dont ask these questions you may never know, and they are clearly important to you.

Wishing you the best,
SS.

Mighty_Mouse

Why do you want to get married?

Is it not awful to spend your life living for some day 5 years down the road?

calex71

If it's really that important OP why don't you ask him either a) to marry you (this is 2012) or b) ask what his intentions are in a more subtle manor

Sleepy

Pester a guy into proposing and he'll most likely do one of two things:

1) Run for the hills.
2) Propose and end up resenting you for pressuring him into the marriage before he was ready.

It's all well and good to discuss marriage every year or so to make sure you're both still on the same page but constantly "dropping hints" is an especially irritating habit. It's behaving like a child pestering for sweeties imho.

Or like calex71, says, you could always propose to him if you feel he's not the sort to feel emasculated by that.

saa

Do you know how he feels about marraige? there's no rush, best not to focus on it until he is ready, you can't make him be ready.. assuming he would like to marry one day.

22 months is too early.. You can be in love but if you make an issue of it, he'll feel trapped and everything becomes much more serious.