Social Isolation

karaokeman

Not sure if this is the place for this, so mods feel free to move if there is a more appropriate forum, but hopefully not AH.

The other thread got me thinking, and I think this might make for an interesting discussion.

Suppose we broaden the former idea, and lets ask ourselves how it happens say to people of any age grouping.

For the people in their 20s and perhaps older, it may be a case for example of people who are terminally shy, who didn't go to college, and maybe looked for jobs for a long time but to no avail.

And then for the people younger than 20, of whom many are in school, would you say they have a good chance of making friends and becoming sociable people, but are losing that opportunity through little things like kids playing by themselves in the school yard or teenagers who don't go to discos/ nightclubs in late teens?

Also does anyone else think little things like the fact people used to read books on trains/buses but now listen to their iPods could be key factors? Its rarer now that you see a person start talking to someone they met on a bus, and becoming friends from there.

Another thing is, do people in general stay in more than they used to, or is that just another symptom of recessionary times? I personally think people should go out as much as they can, even if it is just meeting one or two friends in their local pub, as there's nothing worse than staying inside with no one to talk to.

These are just a few ideas I came up with off the top of my head, if anyone would like to add anything, or comment with their views.

Scioch

I dont there are any factors like technology or anything, people dont become friends on buses and trains. People mostely become friends from prolonged interaction from school, work, social scene or mutual contact.

Considering its tough to make new friends anyway (I didnt make that many in school, work or on the social scene) its very difficult out of work, having not gone to college, not much money to go socialising, established friendships drifting apart due to those things, them starting families and maybe moving away for work or emigration.

Apply that to someone who is pretty shy or socially awkward who really do rely on initial obligatory interaction to form a friendship then its almost impossible.

_Kaiser_

Funnily enough I'd find technology has helped keep some of my friendships going over the last few years (I don't mean Facebook.. I despise that ) but most of my friends are (like myself) in their late 30s/early 40s and in long term settled relationships and/or married with a few kids and living all over the place (from Cavan to Wexford) so getting a chance to meet up is rare - although we try to arrange a weekend session in someone's place/town every few months.

Were it not for things like MSN and email though, we probably would have lost touch years ago. I am the type of guy that gets on with almost everyone though and I would have a lot of what I would call casual friends through work and so on as well.

It is true though that as you get older it definitely gets harder, but I'm lucky in that I am very easily amused (I don't HAVE to go out every weekend or even out "doing something" - I'm just as happy to stay home and chill with the TV, laptop and a takeaway.. truth be told I quite like doing nothing after a long week that starts again all too soon). Plus my other half keeps my schedule filled as well.

Guess I'm getting old!

karaokeman

Interesting views LordSmug, Kaiser2000 that's great you still keep in touch with people, even those who live far away.

I wasn't actually saying in an extreme sense that technology has had a radical impact on the way people socialise, I'm pretty sure emails/mobile phones have definitely had more benefit than anything else. Things like facebook however, probably affective at times but it would have made it more difficult at times for others who spend too long, and maybe use it to add friends / chat to people they haven't the confidence to speak to in real life.

Personally I prefer to go out regularly, and especially because I don't drink, and can usually get through a night by only having one at the start and another halfway through. Then again the people that do go out a lot probably get sick of it, and prefer to have a balance at times by spending some time at home watching television / using their laptop etc. Its just with me, on a night out I'd prefer to see lots of people around enjoying themselves, just seems great to see that sense of community around you. It really takes me away from the comfort zone I and any of my friends get used to when we haven't been out in a while.

Also I don't see why people seem to limit it to Ireland, I'm sure if anyone extensively studied the world news, they'd hear of similar cases elsewhere.

Reku

In simple terms:
people suck
possibly always did but with the media and internet we're kept in the loop on a lot of sh*tty things people do to each other that we might not otherwise hear about.
Add in that the default stance towards strangers in real life and the internet seems to usually be utter contempt and disrespect (e.g. shouting insults at a complete stranger on the street or the level of animosity that flows forth in the average thread on the internet) and why bother trying to get to know people?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
In other words if the results continuously disappoint you you should either quit trying or you're insane.

christmas2012

Another thing is, do people in general stay in more than they used to, or is that just another symptom of recessionary times?

I think it is a sign of the times definatley but also there are other factors at play,bc of tv and other types of media,and internet people spend longer amounts of time indoors,in the 80's/90's even early 00's it wasnt really like that people went out more,stayed out more in evenings even after work etc,standing on their street on chatting to their neighbour,that doesnt happen as much anymore,people stick the key in the door and spend longer amounts of time on their laptops or tv or whatever,on social networking,i think its used the wrong way,social networking should be an extension of socialising insted it is the way people socialise,i know a guy who lives near me that uses that as his main socialising tool and who doesnt use any other way of socialising he has to get a plane journey to meet his gf every so often so its difficult it would be much easier if she lived nearer..

candlegrease

Maybe not the debate you are looking for but if you look at now vs 60 years ago the reason we socialise less is we now entertain ourselves with television and internet, whereas back then conversation was the only convenient means of entertainment and hearing news so people visited each other a lot more often. These days you'd be afraid to visit someone without prior notice in case you disturbed them watching their favourite tv show.

Also, facebook means you can "socialise" in a way without leaving your home.

karaokeman

candlegrease wrote: »

Also, facebook means you can "socialise" in a way without leaving your home.

Its not real socialising though because you can never look the person in the eye, see their emotion during the conversation etc.

I also think the fact a lot of people who use facebook fret about other people having more "friends" than themselves, and seeing pictures of those "more popular" people up in their photos section causes pressure for the person thinking they are less popular. It hugely affects a lot of people's self-esteem and its part of the reason I think meeting with people down in the pub or whatever (however old-fashioned) is a much better idea.

Being able to do things without leaving the home isn't always necessarily a good thing because people become lazy.

Scioch

karaokeman wrote: »

Its not real socialising though because you can never look the person in the eye, see their emotion during the conversation etc.

I also think the fact a lot of people who use facebook fret about other people having more "friends" than themselves, and seeing pictures of those "more popular" people up in their photos section causes pressure for the person thinking they are less popular. It hugely affects a lot of people's self-esteem and its part of the reason I think meeting with people down in the pub or whatever (however old-fashioned) is a much better idea.

Being able to do things without leaving the home isn't always necessarily a good thing because people become lazy.

But then again for shy people it is easier to talk freely online and may be easier to socialise. Its also easier to organise stuff and contact friends to go for pints or trips or a party or whatever. Its definitely keeps people from drifting apart and most people dont choose facebook over their old social life, its just an extension of it.

Also helps people connect with friends of friends and make a lot of mutual acquaintances's which might help initiate new friendships. As such it may boost self esteem simply because it gives people the ability to communicate on their own terms in their own time and makes it possible to connect with people you would be unable to connect with in a regular setting.

Blacktie.

karaokeman wrote: »

I also think the fact a lot of people who use facebook fret about other people having more "friends" than themselves, and seeing pictures of those "more popular" people up in their photos section causes pressure for the person thinking they are less popular. It hugely affects a lot of people's self-esteem and its part of the reason I think meeting with people down in the pub or whatever (however old-fashioned) is a much better idea.

Does this actually happen? I hear about this when I hear people complaining about why facebook is bad but have never heard anyone fret about how many friends they have. If anything I've noticed the opposite.

The Dagda

Blacktie. wrote: »

Does this actually happen? I hear about this when I hear people complaining about why facebook is bad but have never heard anyone fret about how many friends they have. If anything I've noticed the opposite.

I was going to post the exact same thing. It's a lazy argument used by hipsters who "hate" facebook.

shiftkey

I'm guessing that most of the Boardies in this conversation are between 25 & 45? I'm early 50's and I've suddenly realised that I'm billy no mates, having drifted apart from college pals, work mates, football team-mates and close cousins over the years, so I guess the older one gets the less friends you keep, - it IS a natural development. If you happen to have found a life partner early in your life and that relationship grows from the ecstasy of young love into the easy compatibility of mutual respect and genuine friendship, then you are, like me, a lucky old fart. However, the saddest bloody thing I have noticed over the last twenty years in my local neighbourhood ( a long established suburban council estate ) is that I don't see - or hear - kids playing hop-scotch, or skipping rope, or kick the can games anymore, I only see my neighbours the odd time now, but at one time I'd see them over their front garden walls chatting with each other over a cuppa cha. No more fella's courting local girls, or asking each other out on dates to the flicks! Hark at me I sound like a right old stiff. I do worry about the young ones not getting out in the fresh air and playing about.
Perhaps it's just a city phenomenon. ?

Misty Chaos

I'm an introvert. That doesn't mean I'm shy, I just generally prefer my own company a lot of the time. That doesn't mean I don't crave company, I do.

I was also really socially awkward, that didn't help my interactions when I was younger. I just preferred to stay at home, playing on my Super Nintendo rather than going out with friends. When I DID go out with friends, I was so obnoxious ( due to said social awkwardness ) that they literally made up excuses to NOT hang around me.

I thought there was something wrong with me when I was younger when in fact it was just the fact that I was socially awkward ( something that I've had to work on over the years ) and am naturally inclined to introversion. Hell, another trait I have is that I write but never finish... posts like this one.

I guess another aspect that leads towards social isolation ( at least here in Ireland anyway ) is the weather. The weather is ****e. Not much we can do about that but it does contribute. People can hang outside if it's fecking raining all the time, for example.

Just some of my thoughts.