Tipping/Hitting while talking

vicwatson

Can anyone explain what's going on with this situation -

I know this guy that when he is talking to me he keeps hitting/tipping me on the chest(I'm male so not sexual) - it's not aggressive, it's more of a "wait till I tell you" and then he'd reach out to tip me with the back of his fingers say.

Sorry if I'm not being properly descriptive but am just wondering is it a habit, would he do it if I was a woman, prob not, is it a nervous reaction?

I'd be interested to find out more as it's beginning to bug me, I don't know him well enough to tell him to give it over.

Thanks in advance

frozenfrozen

Lots of old men do this. It's just his was of gesticulating his words to add more emphasis. Best thing you can do is stand a bit further away than he could easily poke you, that way he would have to stretch out to tap you, and if he really did stretch out to tap you then you could tell him to give it over

vicwatson

He's not old. About 35 maybe.

I understand the standing away further bit.

I wonder if its his subconscious defence mechanism setting in.

I do stand a regular pace from him.

Odysseus

Yes it is a defense, yes imo opinion its unconsciously aggressive and sexual, but this forum is for discussing academic psychology, not some persons behaviours. Sorry OP thread/

vicwatson

Odysseus wrote: »

Yes it is a defense, yes imo opinion its unconsciously aggressive and sexual, but this forum is for discussing academic psychology, not some persons behaviours. Sorry OP thread/

Woops my apologies. Is there are a forum for such? (I do hope it's not a sexual thing - knowing the person not too much if anything I reckon it's defensive mode), both our children are at school together, but sure..)

Thanks for response

JuliusCaesar

On the other hand, coming from a CBT orientation rather than a psychoanalytic one, I'd just regard it as a habit. Stand further away, or tell him that you don't like it. He may not be aware that he's doing it.

Personal Issues forum, if you're looking for advice.

krd

vicwatson wrote: »

He's not old. About 35 maybe.

I understand the standing away further bit.

I wonder if its his subconscious defence mechanism setting in.

I do stand a regular pace from him.

Maybe you're subconsciously neurotic.

Ireland is a very conservative country. Which doesn't mean people here are more stable and reserved. Quite the opposite. We're nation of swivelled eyed loons on the verge of a psychotic episode at the slightest sign of difference or the peculiar.

Swivel eyed underpants sniffing loons. Hairy little dogs barking at fence posts.

Kooli

Odysseus wrote: »

Yes it is a defense, yes imo opinion its unconsciously aggressive and sexual, but this forum is for discussing academic psychology, not some persons behaviours. Sorry OP thread/

Wow really? That seems quite a definitive response to such a small bit of information. Reading a little too much into it, I'd say.

JuliusCaesar

krd wrote: »

Maybe you're subconsciously neurotic.

Ireland is a very conservative country. Which doesn't mean people here are more stable and reserved. Quite the opposite. We're nation of swivelled eyed loons on the verge of a psychotic episode at the slightest sign of difference or the peculiar.

Swivel eyed underpants sniffing loons. Hairy little dogs barking at fence posts.

Kooli wrote: »

Wow really? That seems quite a definitive response to such a small bit of information. Reading a little too much into it, I'd say.

pot....kettle.....:rolleyes:

krd

Odysseus wrote: »

Yes it is a defense, yes imo opinion its unconsciously aggressive and sexual, but this forum is for discussing academic psychology, not some persons behaviours. Sorry OP thread/

Well, it may be but it is probably not.

There is a far more likely explanation. It's partly cultural.

To a certain extent cultural norms govern things like touching and personal space. If you're in India, and you get into a lift, if other men get into the lift instead of spreading out, and creating the maximum space between each other - as is the norm here, they'll all huddle together in a corner - in a way that we would find disconcerting. But as that is a cultural norm, it doesn't cause anxiety for them.

Another one would be something like men cheek kissing in France. It's an accepted norm - it doesn't cause anxiety. Whereas in Ballina it might cause deep distress.

Norms are generally unspoken, and just accepted without any thought. The gestures are not really that meaningful in themselves - and breeching a norm may not be meaningful either, only in that it may cause someone distress. Like kissing a man in Ballina you barely know on both cheeks may cause distress and even provoke violence.

Kooli

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

pot....kettle.....:rolleyes:

Huh? I don't get it...

krd

Kooli wrote: »

Huh? I don't get it...

I think he may be calling you, a swivelled eyed underpants sniffing loon.

Kooli

krd wrote: »

I think he may be calling you, a swivelled eyed underpants sniffing loon.

Wow, harsh! I was just trying to figure out if I'm the pot or the kettle or what...

Odysseus

krd wrote: »

I think he may be calling you, a swivelled eyed underpants sniffing loon.

If you going to stir it, at least get the sex right:pac:



Actually we all have had our laugh and joke and we know Freud's thoughts on jokes, so maybe it's time to get back on topic.