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Forever Dumped

  • 20-07-2012 6:30pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi there,

    As the title says I am forever getting dumped and its really starting to impact my self esteem. I am mid thirties am attractive, have a good job and for the most part am a nice, kind person (not perfect but who is). I just cannot seem to connect with men. I am not needy or desperate or come across like that, if anything I am more towards the independent side. The last relationship I had the guy just dumped me without explaination. Since then I have tried to be proactive in terms of accepting offers of dates and trying online dating. Online dating I found the guys I met seemed to have some issues going on or were lacking in social skills. They seemed great when emailing but different when met up. Am not generalising to everyone who dates online here maybe I have just been unlucky.

    If a guy approaches me in a bar which they often do I am friendly and polite. I have given my phone number out and gone on some dates this way and even though they seem really keen they always come up with some excuse not to see me again as in not ready for a relationship or whatever. I am not overly picky and have often gone on dates with people am not overly attracted to just to give people a chance to get to know them and not rush judgement but they get in first to give me the push.

    It seems like I just can't get a break. If I was only going for Brad Pitt look a likes or someone to match a predefined list I could understand but am really not. I am really starting to think that there is something wrong with me that I don't know about and its putting men off. My friends all seem shocked that I haven't met anyone to settle down with. I am wondering if being strong and independent is off putting for a lot of men?

    Am in tears as I write this. I just feel that I am going to be alone for the rest of my life - not how I saw my future and not really what I want.

    Any advice please or anyone else in the same boat?


Comments

  • #2
    Roselm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Roselm


    Hi :). I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I've been there. It's so frustrating!

    I wonder if you would consider sharing this with a close friend/family member that you trust and asking them to give you an honest opinion of what they think the reason for you not holding on to relationships might be.
    You could ask them the question and then let them know that they don't have to answer straight away but that you'd really appreciate their input.
    Your friends might have some ideas of things that you don't notice as you are too close to the situation. It can be hard to see ourselves and our interactions objectively sometimes.
    Your friends' immediate reactions if you bring up the topic will probably be to reassure you as they won't want to knock your confidence, make you paranoid or hurt your feelings and maybe this is what they have said to you up until now.
    Of course they might say that they honestly don't know the reason why and this might be true as maybe it IS just bad bad luck.
    Either way you will maybe have answered that question of IS there anything else I could be doing differently!
    Best of luck.


  • #3
    dannyc31
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 309 ✭✭dannyc31


    hi there young lady. have you thought that you just might not be the type of girl that meets the right people in the bar scene. everyone seems to think thats the right of passage but many people meet their life partners thru work or introduced by friends etc.

    do you have any hobbies or major interests? because if so i would suggest joining clubs or societies to do with those interest therefore straight away you have something in common with these men.

    the other thing is you have to stop thinking negatively when meeting someone new. you probably dont realise it but because you've started to believe that each man is gonna do a runner you may be sending out these negative vibes on the dates. people pick up on this stuff, its like 90% of communication between 2 people on a date is non-verbal.

    hope this helps, best of luck.


  • #4
    anewme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,058 ✭✭✭✭anewme


    Hi there,

    I am a woman in the same position albeit a bit older (early 40's) though would easily pass for much younger. People are always asking me....how is someone like you single?........I asked a couple of friends and this is the feedback I got, so may help you. 1. I am extremely choosy. I sometimes dont give people a chance, though this could be more to me being nervous and if I am getting attention I sometimes deflect it and it makes me feel better, so that is down to me to change. You dont seem to be doing that, so fair play.

    2. I am fiercely independent. A friend said this may be frightening guys off and making them afraid to approach me. Could this be coming across in your dates and that is why there is no follow up? I'm not even getting to the stage of dates! Am getting a lot of interest from younger guys............though not interested in "teaching" them anything ;)

    Good luck with it.


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