Miserable humour without a drink

LegacyUser

My partner has recently put her foot down on my drinking. It is easily the biggest, if not the sole, worry she has about our relationship.

We've just come back from holidays and to be brutally honest it wasn't much of a holiday for the simple reason that I could not escape into drink each evening. I just sat there in the foulest of humour, complaining about everything. I don't like the person I've turned into without drink. How can I change this particular situation?

When I think of any holiday I think of the highlight of each day as the unwinding in the pub/hotel with drink in the evening. I feel like our "holiday" was the worst week ever, and my humour is now worse as we are living together. I know I have to change my ways, and I know moving in together is for the best in the long run. However, all of those places which I'd like to holiday in lose their lustre if I'm going there and not binge drinking and binge eating. I really cannot envisage a holiday without alcohol: it's an oxymoron, to me. Where's my escape now? At home, I'm just perennially in foul humour. I'm a fúckin' awful specimen of a human being.

There has to be a life beyond this. This cannot be as good as it gets without alcohol. How do you conquer this affliction and become a better, kinder human being to the people who love you, and to yourself?

Thank you.

Morag

What are you trying to escape from?

Merkin

Well I think giving up drinking and going on holiday concurrently would be a nightmare for even a moderate drinker so I'm not sure the timing was so good or condusive to success. Your drinking is obviously a problem if it's come to your OH encouraging you to quit. Would you think about intervention or support and maybe going to AA or at least speaking to your GP? Do you think you had a problem yourself?

WumBuster

Im not suggesting you are an alcoholic but obviously you were using drink as a sort of crutch to relax or to relieve anxiety or whatever. If you have quit drinking for good it may take some time to adjust to that lifestyle but when you do and a certain amount of time passes you'll feel your normal self again and the mentality ''I cant have a good time unless I have a drink'' will be gone. Hang in there.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

If the decision to stop drinking is imposed on you, you'll resent it, be in foul humour, and be looking for ways to circumvent it. That's human nature.

You'll only succeed in giving up alcohol if you really want to do it for yourself.

Abdul Abulbul Amir

Grumpygandeoch wrote: »

My partner has recently put her foot down on my drinking. It is easily the biggest, if not the sole, worry she has about our relationship.

We've just come back from holidays and to be brutally honest it wasn't much of a holiday for the simple reason that I could not escape into drink each evening. I just sat there in the foulest of humour, complaining about everything. I don't like the person I've turned into without drink. How can I change this particular situation?

When I think of any holiday I think of the highlight of each day as the unwinding in the pub/hotel with drink in the evening. I feel like our "holiday" was the worst week ever, and my humour is now worse as we are living together. I know I have to change my ways, and I know moving in together is for the best in the long run. However, all of those places which I'd like to holiday in lose their lustre if I'm going there and not binge drinking and binge eating. I really cannot envisage a holiday without alcohol: it's an oxymoron, to me. Where's my escape now? At home, I'm just perennially in foul humour. I'm a fúckin' awful specimen of a human being.

There has to be a life beyond this. This cannot be as good as it gets without alcohol. How do you conquer this affliction and become a better, kinder human being to the people who love you, and to yourself?

Thank you.

It's possible that you're depressed, maybe you were self medicating with alcohol before?

LegacyUser

OP, what you describe is a dependency on alcohol. Nobody should be that dependent on a drug. I think you know what to do.

Take steps to cut alcohol out of your life. You'll be far better for it.

Audz

Ok at the risk of people possibly giving me a hard time for saying this and being harsh, OP I really think you need to cop on and grow up!!! You sound like a spoiled child...... "worst week ever", "sat there in the foulest of humour", "this cannot be as good as it gets without alcohol" etc.

How old are you OP? Your post makes me think you're possibly very early twenties maybe? It makes me sad to think you think life is bad, boring etc without alcohol!

Personally I don't understand the whole mentality of needing to be drunk in order to have a good night out, I find it sad and I certainly couldn't go out with someone who had that mentality, it smacks of immaturity....not to mention the absolute waste of money!! Sure we all have our nights out where we have a few drinks, possibly a few too many some nights, but you can also have excellent nights out without getting drunk, you need to know your limits!

Your drinking must have been a massive problem for your girlfriend to have put her foot down like that. You said you don't like the person you've turned into without drink, maybe your girlfriend didn't like the person you were with drink! Why do you need it?

Another poster said you should go to AA or your GP, I think this is a very good idea. I think maybe you did rely on drink and used it as a crutch.

If I was your girlfriend, I'd have been very annoyed with you for sulking the way you seem to have done on your holiday and branding it as the "worst week ever". Did you think about how all this was affecting her, how your drinking affected her life or how your sulking affected her holiday? I mean, come on.....grow up!!!!!

WumBuster

Audz wrote: »

Ok at the risk of people possibly giving me a hard time for saying this and being harsh, OP I really think you need to cop on and grow up!!! You sound like a spoiled child...... "worst week ever", "sat there in the foulest of humour", "this cannot be as good as it gets without alcohol" etc.

How old are you OP? Your post makes me think you're possibly very early twenties maybe? It makes me sad to think you think life is bad, boring etc without alcohol!

Personally I don't understand the whole mentality of needing to be drunk in order to have a good night out, I find it sad and I certainly couldn't go out with someone who had that mentality, it smacks of immaturity....not to mention the absolute waste of money!! Sure we all have our nights out where we have a few drinks, possibly a few too many some nights, but you can also have excellent nights out without getting drunk, you need to know your limits!

Your drinking must have been a massive problem for your girlfriend to have put her foot down like that. You said you don't like the person you've turned into without drink, maybe your girlfriend didn't like the person you were with drink! Why do you need it?

Another poster said you should go to AA or your GP, I think this is a very good idea. I think maybe you did rely on drink and used it as a crutch.

If I was your girlfriend, I'd have been very annoyed with you for sulking the way you seem to have done on your holiday and branding it as the "worst week ever". Did you think about how all this was affecting her, how your drinking affected her life or how your sulking affected her holiday? I mean, come on.....grow up!!!!!

In fairness, if someone has a drink problem or a dependency on alcohol or any other drug, its not surprising to think that they wouldnt be great company whatever the circumstances had they just given up. I dont think its about immaturity or needing to ''grow up'', its much deeper than that when its an addiction. i agree with the other poster who said that maybe going on holidays just after he'd given up may not have been the best of timing.

ananas

When is the best time to 'give up' drink though? Personally, I think that throwing yourself into the deep end and going out without drink is better than easing yourself into it by doing it gradually.

OP, if you don't think you have a problem with drink, then you're going to end up having problems with your partner. The decision to quit drinking is one that you alone must make. Otherwise, you will resent the person who has foisted this non drinking lifestyle upon you and will end up drinking again anyway.

As regards the equation drink = fun, try and have a night out without drinking without being in a puss that you're not drinking. I was the same as you, I would always drink when out and would never consider not drinking. However, my hangovers have been getting so severe and the paranoid feelings are so awful that I've made the decision to stop drinking for a while and see how it goes. I went out last week without drinking and had one of the best nights I've had out in a long time. I talked to so many people and danced and generally had a brilliant time.

Just try to get the idea out of your head that being drunk and drinking means automatic fun. It doesn't-you can have so much more fun when you're sober as opposed to being drunk.

kjl

Hi OP, I gave up drinking 10 years ago and the first two years were hell. I would go out with my friends to pubs and I would just be so bored, had no interest in anything going on around me. People just annoyed me so much.

But then after a while I started getting into conversations a little more and after soon was starting to enjoy myself without the alcohol.

So yes you will miss it at first, and it's an uphill battle, but that's the detoxing effect. We are very relaxed about alcohol in this country, but in essence it's just as bad as heroin. People can have very strong addictions to it and function normally. The worst part about the addiction is that it take a very long time to discover you have a problem and when you do it's normally a bad problem.

You need to do activities that you can enjoy without alcohol. Try taking up a computer game, or I fly model helicopters and airplanes. You will find without drink in your life you will have a lot more money to buy these little gadgets for yourself.

I hope it works out well for you, I know you are in a bad humour, but try to acknowledge the fact that this is due to your detoxing and try not to take it out on your girlfriend. For future reference, try a night swim or a soak in a hot tub next time you are on holidays, can be just as relaxing.

Ickle Magoo

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DoctorMedicine

Grumpygandeoch wrote: »

My partner has recently put her foot down on my drinking. It is easily the biggest, if not the sole, worry she has about our relationship.

We've just come back from holidays and to be brutally honest it wasn't much of a holiday for the simple reason that I could not escape into drink each evening. I just sat there in the foulest of humour, complaining about everything. I don't like the person I've turned into without drink. How can I change this particular situation?

When I think of any holiday I think of the highlight of each day as the unwinding in the pub/hotel with drink in the evening. I feel like our "holiday" was the worst week ever, and my humour is now worse as we are living together. I know I have to change my ways, and I know moving in together is for the best in the long run. However, all of those places which I'd like to holiday in lose their lustre if I'm going there and not binge drinking and binge eating. I really cannot envisage a holiday without alcohol: it's an oxymoron, to me. Where's my escape now? At home, I'm just perennially in foul humour. I'm a fúckin' awful specimen of a human being.

There has to be a life beyond this. This cannot be as good as it gets without alcohol. How do you conquer this affliction and become a better, kinder human being to the people who love you, and to yourself?

Thank you.

You have a significant dependency on alcohol. No wonder your girlfriend is worried. Please seek help before it destroys you, because right now, it's really worrying how much of a gap it has left in your life.

Lawliet

OP I actually can't get over how much you sound like my mother. She's another one who thought you couldn't unwind without alcohol, didn't see the problem with having a bottle of wine after work, and thought going out for meals or on holidays was pointless if you couldn't get really drunk while there. She never saw herself as an alcoholic because to her that was someone in the pub first thing in the morning and passed out in the gutter last thing at night. She seemed to genuinely think that alcohol made her more fun, but in reality she was an abusive nightmare that I was completely ashamed off.

Now I'm not saying you're abusive, but I think it's difficult for people who have an addiction and are denial to see their own behavior clearly. Alcohol makes you feel better, so it's understandable you like the person you are when drunk, but it's not healthy. You're an addict who's just quit a drug cold turkey so it's normal to feel terrible right now, the worst of the detox should be over soon but you still need to look after your mental health and get to the root of what causes your dependence on alcohol. If you start making positive changes to your life while getting support and counselling for your problem, you will find plenty of other things to enjoy. But you have to want to do this yourself, your girlfriend and this holiday have given you a wake up call, but it's so easy to slip back into old habits, you really need to be determined to get better for yourself.