Cant make friends at work

mary55 · 19-07-2012 6:26pm #1

hey all

I started a new job this week and I cant seem to make friends. I am a quiet kind of a person and find it hard to talk to people unless they talk to me.

I might talk for a while but then if people don't make much conversation with me then I just totally clam up and don't hardly say anything. I can feel this happening. like today there was about four or five people around the area I was in and they were all talking amongest themselves and I was not talking to anyone.

i have tried talking to some people but its like the conversation totally dries up and I don't know what to say after a bit and its awkward and then i think they don't like me and I just totally clam up and hardly say anything. I know if this keeps happening I will just stay quiet and say nothing it is what usuallly happens to me and I don't make friends. It was like that a lot for me in school and college. As a result I don't have many friends about one really and another one I sometimes talk but I feel her drifting away from me.

I would like more friends but not sure what to do. Anyone any advice on this work situation?

Thanks

snafuk35 · 19-07-2012 6:48pm

mary55 wrote: »

hey all

I started a new job this week and I cant seem to make friends. I am a quiet kind of a person and find it hard to talk to people unless they talk to me.

I might talk for a while but then if people don't make much conversation with me then I just totally clam up and don't hardly say anything. I can feel this happening. like today there was about four or five people around the area I was in and they were all talking amongest themselves and I was not talking to anyone.

i have tried talking to some people but its like the conversation totally dries up and I don't know what to say after a bit and its awkward and then i think they don't like me and I just totally clam up and hardly say anything. I know if this keeps happening I will just stay quiet and say nothing it is what usuallly happens to me and I don't make friends. It was like that a lot for me in school and college. As a result I don't have many friends about one really and another one I sometimes talk but I feel her drifting away from me.

I would like more friends but not sure what to do. Anyone any advice on this work situation?

Thanks

Listen first to the conversation and figure out what people are like. What do they usually talk about? You can learn a lot about their likes and dislikes and lots of other details. Supposing they like Eastenders or Coronation Street or they follow the soccer on the telly well then make it worth your while finding out what the latest story line or what the latest soccer results are and have something to talk about they will be interested in. One good conversation skill is reflective listening and empathy. You make it clear you were listening to what the other person is saying or how they are feeling by repeating it back to them.

For instance something trivial:

Person A : I think Kate Midleton is an awful fake!
Person B : You think Kate Midleton is a fake?
Person A : Yeah I do! I think the whole marriage with Prince William was arranged.
Person B : You think it was all arranged? You think they aren't the real deal.
Person A : Yeah I do and I'll tell you why...

or

Person A : I've got a terrible headache.
Person B : Oh dear. You must be feeling very uncomfortable.
Person A: Yeah I think I overdid it last night and I'm regretting it now.
Person B : You feel you overdid it and you'd sooner be at home than here.
Person A : That's exactly it. I'll tell you now what happened last night...

What the person listening does is reflect back what the person says and how they feel and this is like a sounding board. The person talking feels the other person is listening and can understand what they are saying which makes them want to talk some more. The more you listen, reflect back what the person is saying and how they are feeling the more they will enjoy your company. Eventually they will ask you about yourself and if you find them doing the same thing you will know they are starting to like you and you just keep doing it. The more you do this the more the other person will open up and relax around you and vis versa and in no time if you try this with everyone you meet at work they will begin to get to know you and trust you and like you. People simply want someone who listens to them and understand them and finds them interesting. Then they start to take an interest in the person who is giving them attention. It's kind of like a currency exchange or an electrical circuit.
Talk about trivial stuff at first with strangers and gradually day by day as your learn more about them by listening out for things they let slip as they feel more relax you can start to push the boundaries a little at a time and in no time it will become second nature. The barriers will come down and you'll have a group of people at who you can talk to. Soon they will be confiding in you about things that bother them or telling you about their other friends, their families, their life stories and so on. You'll eventually be invited out for drinks and in time you might be a guest at someone's wedding in a fear years.
It takes time but if you ever so slowly listen and reflect back what they say and feel in conversations they will be your friends.

dellas1979 · 19-07-2012 7:33pm

Few things OP:

You are only there a week. IMO takes 4-6 weeks to settle in and for people to get used to you. You are so to speak an outsider within that work group. And people are talking to you, they just dont know what to make of you yet. You have to give it a chance, and they have to give you a chance. That takes longer than a week. Its not about liking you, they just dont know you.

Secondly, they are colleagues, not friends. Now, in time they may become friends, but they are your work mates right now.

Be as nice as possible, i.e., smile or laugh, thats a great way to show friendliness or wanting to integrate. Noone is going to hold your hand. If I see a new person at work, if I pass them and they dont make an effort to smile or say hello, I dont bother. Ive my own things to be thinking of. Thats work environment for you.

So give it a chance, give them a chance and dont take it so personal. After all, they dont know you....yet.

Merkin · 19-07-2012 8:21pm

mary55 wrote: »

I started a new job this week and I cant seem to make friends

You've not even been there a week. Give yourself (and others) a chance and enjoy getting to know them at a gradual pace. Making friends comes easily to some people and doesn't to others. Be interested, ask questions and don't be overbearing or clingy. Talk when you've interesting things to say. And if you are a little socially inept then it is best to concentrate on one-to-one interaction rather than trying to infiltrate a big/intimidating group all at once.

sashafierce · 19-07-2012 8:56pm

This post has been deleted.

mary55 · 20-07-2012 6:34pm

Well someone talked to me 2day for a while at least it was something. I suppose I just need more time to settle in a week is not long but I would like to make friends there because it will be very lonely if I do not make any friends.

A few days I very bad this week cos no one really talked to me but then other days someone mite talk to me and I would feel good. But I am very afraid I will not make friends because I am a very quiet person.

The_fever · 20-07-2012 8:18pm

Without being harsh, you are there to work , concentrate on that first and foremost the rest will take care of itself .

ananas · 21-07-2012 1:38am

I've had several jobs and made friends while I was working but didn't make any long lasting friendships that I could depend on.

Concentrate on working, be pleasant with everyone but I wouldn't get too close with my co-workers. They are your colleagues and from experience, I wouldn't trust any of them as much as I would my normal friends.

Matteroffact · 21-07-2012 4:46pm

snafuk35 wrote: »

Listen first to the conversation and figure out what people are like. What do they usually talk about? You can learn a lot about their likes and dislikes and lots of other details. Supposing they like Eastenders or Coronation Street or they follow the soccer on the telly well then make it worth your while finding out what the latest story line or what the latest soccer results are and have something to talk about they will be interested in. One good conversation skill is reflective listening and empathy. You make it clear you were listening to what the other person is saying or how they are feeling by repeating it back to them.

For instance something trivial:

Person A : I think Kate Midleton is an awful fake!
Person B : You think Kate Midleton is a fake?
Person A : Yeah I do! I think the whole marriage with Prince William was arranged.
Person B : You think it was all arranged? You think they aren't the real deal.
Person A : Yeah I do and I'll tell you why...

or

Person A : I've got a terrible headache.
Person B : Oh dear. You must be feeling very uncomfortable.
Person A: Yeah I think I overdid it last night and I'm regretting it now.
Person B : You feel you overdid it and you'd sooner be at home than here.
Person A : That's exactly it. I'll tell you now what happened last night...

What the person listening does is reflect back what the person says and how they feel and this is like a sounding board. The person talking feels the other person is listening and can understand what they are saying which makes them want to talk some more. The more you listen, reflect back what the person is saying and how they are feeling the more they will enjoy your company. Eventually they will ask you about yourself and if you find them doing the same thing you will know they are starting to like you and you just keep doing it. The more you do this the more the other person will open up and relax around you and vis versa and in no time if you try this with everyone you meet at work they will begin to get to know you and trust you and like you. People simply want someone who listens to them and understand them and finds them interesting. Then they start to take an interest in the person who is giving them attention. It's kind of like a currency exchange or an electrical circuit.
Talk about trivial stuff at first with strangers and gradually day by day as your learn more about them by listening out for things they let slip as they feel more relax you can start to push the boundaries a little at a time and in no time it will become second nature. The barriers will come down and you'll have a group of people at who you can talk to. Soon they will be confiding in you about things that bother them or telling you about their other friends, their families, their life stories and so on. You'll eventually be invited out for drinks and in time you might be a guest at someone's wedding in a fear years.
It takes time but if you ever so slowly listen and reflect back what they say and feel in conversations they will be your friends.

That is very good advice, thanks for taking the trouble to post it, we can all learn from that.

mary55 · 23-07-2012 4:12pm

Ok thanks very much for all the advice but I went in 2day and still no difference really I really feel as if they don't like me. Been there a week and a day now.

Lorna123 · 23-07-2012 5:20pm

mary55 wrote: »

Ok thanks very much for all the advice but I went in 2day and still no difference really I really feel as if they don't like me. Been there a week and a day now.

Just chill out, do your work and if anyone chats to you then respond. You are thinking too much about this.

LegacyUser · 23-07-2012 5:28pm

If it makes you feel better, I started my new job about a month ago in a foreign country. I've struggled to make friends at work. Even though I can speak the local language and my line of work (Hospitality) demands that we speak English too, I can't make friends in the job. The thing is I do make the effort to make general chit chat. (Hi, how are you, how was your day off, oh you were in X, I've been there too, etc). But it just doesn't develop into a friendly chat. I find it really disheartening as I'm quite a shy guy and I'm aware that making friends, for me, does not come easily. I try to be friendly and smile, but it just doesn't work.

Even though I've already mentioned that making friends isn't easy for me, I think my major problem is that most of the people consider me to be quite young, possibly in an immature way. (I'm 21 and heading into my final year of College). Maybe it's my shyness, my nervous disposition from being a foreign country and new work environment or something, but I've consistently picked up the vibe that I'm quite young from staff. I think it's because I have had to learn new skills from scratch in my job, like preparing fancy cocktails and preparing food I've never heard of before in Ireland. Maybe I just look young for my age.

I guess I might just have to accept that my work colleagues just want to get through the working day and not want to be anyway friendly. (Well, with me, anyway). It's probably not the most ideal situation but that's it. It would be great if I could be included in the banter, especially when they have nights out among themselves. Like, one day, they were all talking about this particular night out which they didn't invite me to after we had all finished work. I found it quite disappointing. In my last summer job in Ireland, the staff, who were in their thirties, despite the age gap, invited me out. These people, who were roughly my own age, didn't seem to want to bother with me.

If I can give you some kind of perspective, you're probably not in the most ideal of work situations. Just like me. Of course, it means that you'll perhaps feel lonely and not excited about going to work/want to go home (back to Ireland, in my case). But, probably the best is to hang in there. Just be polite and get through it. If they refuse to see you, that's their problem.

snafuk35 · 23-07-2012 6:07pm

mary55 wrote: »

Ok thanks very much for all the advice but I went in 2day and still no difference really I really feel as if they don't like me. Been there a week and a day now.

It takes time and patience to make friends.
You don't do it all at once.
You give to give time to people to first get used to you being around and at the same time be friendly and approachable.
When people start to warm to you they will start treating you differently.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
But most importantly be serious about your work and get that right first.

LegacyUser · 23-07-2012 6:51pm

It may sound silly, but people often respond to the small things - if you bake, could you make a few cupcakes or an apple tart or something and bring it in ('oh I was making something to take to a friends house and I had extra left over...no point in letting food going to waste') that sort of thing? Offer to make a coffee run if there's a cafe nearby. Talk about what's in the news at the moment ('God, did ye see on the news about (whatever) last night')...people love to offer their opinions on popular topics.

Find out if your workmates have children - people usually LOVE to talk about their kids! Even if you're not really interested, smile, ask questions and pretend you are. If you know someone at work went to say, a wedding or party at the weekend, ask them how it went/what was the dress like, that sort of thing. Likewise if someone comes back from their holidays. If people think you're interested in them and approachable, it also makes it easier for THEM to approach you...if you're very quiet, they might also feel a little awkward about initiating a conversation. After all, you're just as much a stranger to them as they are to you!

You're new - nobody expects you to be able to have an effortless conversation with your new workmates. You have no shared work history, no nights out together, no little anecdotes from last year to bring back up and have a giggle over. All that takes time. But it has to start somewhere!!! Yep, it takes a little effort, but hopefully if you persevere in a nice friendly manner, it will eventually feel like you've always been there.

dellas1979 · 23-07-2012 9:12pm

mary55 wrote: »

Ok thanks very much for all the advice but I went in 2day and still no difference really I really feel as if they don't like me. Been there a week and a day now.

I dont want to get cross, but come on-is this the first place you have worked in? What are you expecting? You are paid to be there to work first of all, not create a social life for yourself. If that happens IN TIME, great, it normally does-bit of work craic and all that IN TIME when people know you.

I think this issue runs alot deeper than saying people you dont know and whom are your colleagues "dont like you". What have they done to you? You are making it out like they are doing something to you. Have they done something to you?

It is 100% not going to happen over night. Have you a problem accepting this?

PS: If you have conversation the way you write posts i.e. little or no information, they yes you do have a problem conversing. Can YOU put a little positive effort into what you are saying/what you want to say, rather than just seeing everything in the negative?

When I started where I work now, I barely talked to anyone ANYONE for about 3 months-didnt even know people's names, because it was so busy in there and anyways Id no idea what to talk to anyone about. I am not the most comfortable person when it comes to meeting new people. But it didnt bother me, I didnt take it personal. I knew, from previous experience, that it would all happen IN TIME. I smiled at everyone (positive body language), nodded, agreed, whatever, until I got to know them and things I wanted to talk to them about.

Birdsong · 23-07-2012 11:03pm

mary55 wrote: »

Ok thanks very much for all the advice but I went in 2day and still no difference really I really feel as if they don't like me. Been there a week and a day now.

Seriously relax - your only there over a week, your colleagues don't even know you yet, how they hell will they make up their mind if they like you.

At the start of a new job, your main focus should be getting to grips with the place, finding out how the work is done, there is always a lot to learn. trying to make friends should be bottom of the priority list.

Go to nights out, christmas parties etc - thats when friendships often develop, out of the work environment.

Be friendly & open to everyone -ask them questions about themselves,as some said earlier on friday ask what plans people have for the weekend.

Neyite · 24-07-2012 9:19am

You are seriously overthinking this and stressing yourself out for no reason!

You are an unknown person to them - workplaces have their own little culture where people know each other. That takes time to develop. Right now, they are not going to include you in slagging off the boss because they dont know you - you might be related to the boss, or you might be the kind of person who would tell the boss what the staff are saying about him. Thats only one example but there are loads more reasons why they wont have indepth chats with you yet.

I was 8 months in my role before I could say I started to get to know my colleagues and for them to know me. So give it time. You want people to give you a chance right away yet you yourself are writing them off assuming they dont like you! Give them a chance! Be polite, be friendly, ask how their weekend went, and if they mention they did something, use that to open up a chat.

mary55 · 26-07-2012 5:09pm

Ok thanks very much for all the advice but I went in 2day and still no difference really I really feel as if they don't like me. Been there a week and a day now.
I dont want to get cross, but come on-is this the first place you have worked in? What are you expecting? You are paid to be there to work first of all, not create a social life for yourself. If that happens IN TIME, great, it normally does-bit of work craic and all that IN TIME when people know you.

I think this issue runs alot deeper than saying people you dont know and whom are your colleagues "dont like you". What have they done to you? You are making it out like they are doing something to you. Have they done something to you?

It is 100% not going to happen over night. Have you a problem accepting this?

PS: If you have conversation the way you write posts i.e. little or no information, they yes you do have a problem conversing. Can YOU put a little positive effort into what you are saying/what you want to say, rather than just seeing everything in the negative?

When I started where I work now, I barely talked to anyone ANYONE for about 3 months-didnt even know people's names, because it was so busy in there and anyways Id no idea what to talk to anyone about. I am not the most comfortable person when it comes to meeting new people. But it didnt bother me, I didnt take it personal. I knew, from previous experience, that it would all happen IN TIME. I smiled at everyone (positive body language), nodded, agreed, whatever, until I got to know them and things I wanted to talk to them about.

to answer ur questions

No not my first job. I just thought i could make friends quicker

They have done nothing to me.

Yes I do have a problem accepting I am not going to make quicker then I wouuld and if you have a problem with this it is your problem not mine.

So been there two weeks now and still not much of a change since first day. They just say hi and talk to me about work stuff not much else and I find this hard. I am not a very talkative person and find it hard to start conversations so maybe it is a bit why I can't make friends.

They dont really include me in things. I find it hard to accept this as I am a sensitive person and do not like being left out of things.

From reading these posts it is going to take longer then I realise but it still hard not having friends.:(

Thanks everyone for replying.;)

dellas1979 · 26-07-2012 5:18pm

mary55 wrote: »

Yes I do have a problem accepting I am not going to make quicker then I wouuld and if you have a problem with this it is your problem not mine.

Ahhh what?? My dear, that is your problem, not mine. Why would it be my problem? Now, I made an effort to reply to your thread, so if you talk to people like that or interact with them like this, then it is very much a big problem, and something you might want to get help with.

Your problem is you think people have a problem with you, yet you want to be "friends" with them? Noone will engage with you when you are being nonsensical like this.

mary55 · 26-07-2012 7:39pm

Look im not getting into a fight over this I only just wanted some advice on what to do.

looksee · 26-07-2012 9:05pm

Look im not getting into a fight over this I only just wanted some advice on what to do.

The advice from everyone has been - be patient, do your job, be pleasant to people but don't expect instant friends. The more you push the less likely people are to be friendly.

Just get on with your job, people at work are not necessarily potential friends, they are work colleagues. Occasionally, just sometimes, you find someone that you find you have things in common and you become friends, but it is not quick, it could take months.

Most people find friends outside of work, a work colleague who becomes a friend is a bonus, don't depend on it.

You feel people are not being friendly towards you, give them time, you have not been there long! They are not being unfriendly, they just don't feel familiar with you yet, give it time, and don't panic

dellas1979 · 26-07-2012 9:47pm

mary55 wrote: »

Look im not getting into a fight over this I only just wanted some advice on what to do.

Yeah but the advice you are looking for doesnt exist "how do I make friends at work...right now". That doesnt happen. You cant force it. Think of it as building a base or foundation for yourself, and build on this. The foundation could just smiling at someone, something as fundamental as that.

You cant feel excluded from the work group when you have not gotton in there yet. Its too soon. Ive never worked anywhere where instantly I got on straight away with my colleagues. It takes time and effort to get to know people.

miamee · 27-07-2012 11:57am

mary55, it can be hard to make friends at work as the only time for social interaction is usually at tea breaks or lunch times if you happen to have a communal eating area/kitchen/canteen.

As someone else has suggested, bring in some treats for people (cakes, chocolates, whatever) as a little ice-breaker, ask simple questions that show an interest in people like "any plans for the weekend?" or "did you have a nice weekend", "did you have a nice evening, did you make the most of the sunshine", "were you watching such-and-such on the telly last night"...simple things but be prepared to share your own plans, experiences, etc. as well for a two-way conversation! You don't have to wait for them to ask you back.

You can't say people don't like you if they don't know you at all, I'm sure you will know after a while who is most likely to be friendly and make some efforts with that person/people.

It's not going to happen by magic, you have to make an effort however small. Challenge yourself!

Stavro Mueller · 27-07-2012 12:50pm

I've found too that it's easier to make people like you if you show an interest in them. If you've listened in to what they're saying, you'll have an idea of what interests them. So next time you get talking to them, turn the conversation towards their interests. Or next time you spot an interesting news story, bring that up as an ice-breaker. In any work place, people have their own little cliques and a dynamic of their own. It takes time for an interloper to fit into things. People don't choose for you to be working with them. You're this new face that shows up and they'll be sizing you up. If you seem snotty or aloof they'll just leave you to twist in the wind. If you seem like you could be a nice person to be around, they'll show more interest.

mary55 · 29-07-2012 8:28pm

Hi anymore advice on this please. Been there two weeks and like people are nice enough but don't think I can make friends with them.
So if anyone could help it would be great and thanks for all previous advice given

Thanks

ANXIOUS · 29-07-2012 9:01pm

mary55 wrote: »

Hi anymore advice on this please. Been there two weeks and like people are nice enough but don't think I can make friends with them.
So if anyone could help it would be great and thanks for all previous advice given

Thanks

You are over thinking this. Tomorrow at lunch, talk to them about the gaa this weekend. If you are from a hurling county say Kilkenny were lucky they got those goals, I'm really looking forward to see them play tipp in the semi. If you are from a football county, say Kerry are looking good this year, what was galvin thinking another red card. If you don't like gaa, talk about the Olympics say phelps was fairly poor in the 400 medle, he left too much to do.

You need to help yourself.

Meauldsegosha · 29-07-2012 9:35pm

mary55 wrote: »

Hi anymore advice on this please. Been there two weeks and like people are nice enough but don't think I can make friends with them.
So if anyone could help it would be great and thanks for all previous advice given

Thanks

You have been given loads of useful advise on this but seem to want quick and easy solutions. There is no quick and easy way. Friendships, whether in or out of the work environment, take time to develop and cultivate. Two weeks is no time at all and you really should be concentrating on your job in the first few weeks not on how many friends you can make.

jack89 · 29-07-2012 9:38pm

Hi OP just thought id give you some advice because I went through the exact same thing at my job. When I worried about making friends and breaking in with the different groups I just wound myself up no end and can imagine I came across quite tense and uneasy. It was only when I gave up those expectations I had of how I should be I just relaxed so much more and started to click with certain people, and that's all it takes really, because it's impossible for everyone to like you although I'm sure that's not what you want.

As far as making conversation goes, if I don't have anything to say I just don't, and I don't feel bad about it either, why should I? If I get something like "jaysis you're talkative" i'll just say " yeh it's cos I don't really like you" or something stupid, it doesn't really matter what I do or don't say because I'm just chilled out and it puts them at ease! I made some friends just by the occasional hello or being in the same place when something funny happened etc. I'm extremely shy and quiet too so if you're like me you're probably a good listener or have really interesting or funny things to say but just can't get them out there! Most people in work gather in groups and make small talk which I cant stand anyway but when I'm with good friends I always have something to say.

So it's not that you can't make friends, you definitely can, it's just people need more time around you than the average person maybe because of your shyness. The best thing you can do is relax and not want it to happen so fast, just be confident that it will, and while this is a new job to you and you're thinking omg it's been two weeks and I haven't made friends, two weeks can be quite a short time to those already working there, and they're not the ones who need to establish friendships you know?

Just ride this one out OP, couple of months from now you'll wonder why you were so stressed out

eternal · 30-07-2012 5:01am

There has been some really nasty comments on here. It looks to me like these people are going out of their way not to include you. When a person starts a new job, usually others make an effort to introduce them and stuff.
Give it some more time, but if they are like this just ignore them. I think you know within about three weeks how you feel. I mean if it is making you uncomfortable and affecting you, leave. Although that is terrible advice in this climate. Do what your gut says but I know from experience that if people won't talk to you after so much time then they never will.
People on here should be more sensitive, not everybody can block things out.

LegacyUser · 30-07-2012 7:19am

I am going to be straightfoward with you. I do not know what profession you are in or what place of work you are at. Sometimes people are not social at work for various reasons be it personal or professional. You might work in a place where people are not buddy buddy. They may be kind enough to say hello but that's that. Also keep in mind the people you work with that "may be" friends may have been working together for a very long time so they established some kind of rapport.

I work in a job that is high stress with a very high turnover rate. We are too busy with work and we don't socialise to be honest. One thing during a quick break or joking around once in a while but that is it really. I know I don't really bother making friends because usually they are leaving or dismissed. Why would I bother when I am not going to see them again? That's how I look at it.

In the 8 years working here, there are only 4 people (this includes me) that are the original since I started. I do have a "close" relationship with the other three. It took about 2 years to establish that certainly not two weeks or in two months. I can trust them and we get on great but would I call them friends? I really cannot answer that because during work we are friendly but after work we never see each other. To be frank, I want to go home after work as I spend enough time there and see these colleagues for at least 50 hours a week. I like my separation from work and personal life. In all honesty, it has probably kept me still working there.

There are some people who are not social at work. People that look at colleagues and their job as just work. You could be working with those people who prefer to keep to themselves. You have stated that they say hi and only talk about work related stuff which seems like a clear indication of what they are like. They are not doing it to be mean or treat you like an outcast. I honestly think in these economic times people are more concerned about their performance and keeping their jobs. I would not take it personally, OP.

However, if your work does have social gatherings, I do suggest attending them as they will be a great way to get to know people outside the office. But for now, focus on your job and performance and not what others are saying or doing. Smile and be pleasant. They may come around.

Tombo2001 · 30-07-2012 8:55am

OP,

After 1 week, its not realistic to be 'making friends'.

In my view it takes between 6 months and 1 year to settle into the swing of things.

In my experience the best way to go from being a person there to one of the gang is to go out for a a few drinks with them, if they are on a night out.

Other point, I've had a good few jobs now. Some of them have been socially excellent, some of them I have made no friends at all. The only 'work' friends that I socialise with now was from a job I did 15 years ago, and we've kept in touch. Other jobs I've taken, the vibes were just all wrong and I'd be hard pushed to say why. I worked in one place for nearly four years but wouldnt have had a single friend there. I know its not me, since I've gotten on well socially in other places. But these things happen.

Meauldsegosha · 30-07-2012 9:47am

eternal wrote: »

There has been some really nasty comments on here. It looks to me like these people are going out of their way not to include you. When a person starts a new job, usually others make an effort to introduce them and stuff.
Give it some more time, but if they are like this just ignore them. I think you know within about three weeks how you feel. I mean if it is making you uncomfortable and affecting you, leave. Although that is terrible advice in this climate. Do what your gut says but I know from experience that if people won't talk to you after so much time then they never will.
People on here should be more sensitive, not everybody can block things out.

I couldn't disagree with you more. How are people in her new job going out of their way not to include the OP. She said "like people are nice enough but don't think I can make friends with them". She has also said that she has difficulty making friends and throughout school and college only made one friend. The OP has been given lots of advice on how to integrate with her new work colleagues but she appears to want to make instant friends and that is just not going to happen.

Yes it is terrible advice to tell someone to leave their job after two weeks because they haven't made any friends. What happens if she goes to a new job and the same thing happens, does she keep changing jobs? The OP needs to gain some confidence and improve her social skills and learn there are no quick fixes in life.

Cant make friends at work

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