'It wasn't too bad-he didn't rape you

Temaz

What a vile evil thing to say to someone who's been abused. Lock the witch up as well.

she was deterred from coming forward because of a lack of support from her mother whose reaction on hearing of the abuse said "it wasn't too bad – he didn't rape you".

A 38-year-old mother-of-three is today suing her father who sexually abused her from the age of two or three.

The High Court has heard that while Ailish Smith of Clarehall, Dublin was a teenager her parents told her no-one would believe her and threatened that she would wind up in a mental hospital.

Ms Smith told the court her father was an "extremely violent man", who began sexually abusing her in 1976 when she was a toddler.

It lasted until just before her 12th birthday

.


http://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/mother-told-abused-daughter-it-wasnt-too-bad--he-didnt-rape-you-court-told-559819.html

scdublin

Disgusting that a mother could ever be that heartless...no child should ever have to go through that and then not have the support of other family members.

Temaz

scdublin wrote: »

Disgusting that a mother could ever be that heartless...no child should ever have to go through that and then not have the support of other family members.

It's things like this that makes me lose faith in humanity!

Notorious97

How somebody can so cruelly destroy a childs life, let alone their own child's life is beyond me.

Scum of the earth

christmas2012

not a very understanding mother to say the least

Snakeblood

The mother could be brainwashed by this point. In a horrific situation like that where you don't want to believe that the person you married is capable of something like that, you can rationalise.

Or she could just be a complete wagon.

hondasam

Any woman who stays with a man who is capable of rape is not fit to be a mother. She obviously has no love or compassion for her own child.
I wonder if the mother had a traumatic childhood herself and if her husband abused her, it's no excuse but it might explain her attitude.

Lollipops23

That poor woman got the raw end of the parenting deal twice- a sick paedo father and an evil monster of a mother.

Her mother should be sentenced as an accomplice, to have your child do something like that and do nothing at all except torture her a bit more is disgusting.

a5y

Anyone else feel like hearing what the mother went through before demonising her?

Maybe getting all the facts first? Hmm? Anyone?

No? OK then.

1ZRed

A little child? How is that... It's just so sick and cruel! And really how could you do that to a child that is completely vulnerable to you and obviously trusts you?

I'm not one for the death penalty but this kind of abuse done to a child sometimes makes me want it for people that do the worst possible thing.
And this is it in my eyes.

hondasam

http://www.herald.ie/news/courts/mum-jailed-for-filming-girl-4-with-naked-dad-3171500.html

This mother is just as bad.

seamus

In some areas, being abused is almost considered a rite of passage - something which children just have to put up with.

It's a cycle, in a similar vein to domestic violence where children who were abused often go on to abuse, or will tend to overlook a spouse abusing their children.

Even for those who don't go on to abuse, they can feel ashamed and embarrassed about it for the rest of their lives. They may also avoid relationships and/or children for fear that they themselves will become part of a new cycle.

I the case above, I would imagine the mother herself had suffered abuse as a child, went on to marry a man exactly like her abuser, and then rationalised the whole thing as not being that big a deal, not worth making a fuss over.

The catholic church actually has a lot to answer for in this regard too, as its staunch position on the importance of the family means that many children were left in the care of abusive parents long after it was known that the children were being abused.

This attitude still pervades and carries on today, so many people refuse to break up a toxic marriage out of guilt or shame.

charlemont

Now the mother is one female who deserves to take a man's beating.:mad:

davet82

hondasam wrote: »

http://www.herald.ie/news/courts/mum-jailed-for-filming-girl-4-with-naked-dad-3171500.html

This mother is just as bad.

are you sure this the same woman?

hondasam

davet82 wrote: »

are you sure this the same woman?

I never said it was the same woman.

davet82

hondasam wrote: »

I never said it was the same woman.

sorry i read that as 'the mother', my mistake

hondasam

davet82 wrote: »

sorry i read that as 'the mother', my mistake

I posted that because the sentence was on Monday and that mother was part of the abuse.

http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=woman%20sentenced%20child%20abuse%20dublin&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CFMQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Ftheirishobserver.blogspot.com%2F2012%2F07%2Fmother-to-be-sentenced-sex-crime-child.html%3Fm%3D1&ei=Sy8IUIP0A5SwhAfzheDhAw&usg=AFQjCNHerzyqSGDAhyJoUCG8z5d2jlWk4Q

It's more common then we think.

Chuck Stone

seamus wrote: »

It's a cycle, in a similar vein to domestic violence where children who were abused often go on to abuse, or will tend to overlook a spouse abusing their children

If anything you'd think that the opposite would be true. You often hear of people who suffered because of parental alcoholism as kids avoiding alcohol. People who were neglected/abused as kids becoming over-protective of their own.

davet82

hondasam wrote: »

It's more common then we think.

shockingly more common... it just goes against every instinct a woman has to protect her children, idk sometimes words fail...

seamus

Chuck Stone wrote: »

If anything you'd think that the opposite would be true. You often hear of people who suffered because of parental alcoholism as kids avoiding alcohol. People who were neglected/abused as kids becoming over-protective of their own.

Some do, some don't.

I think to a certain extent a lot of it is down to a hush-hush attitude about these things. So if a child is being beaten by a parent, but none of the adults in their life seem to be making a big deal of it and through their teenage years nobody is telling them that it's the wrong thing to do, then perhaps they're less averse to expressing themselves in the same way when they're older.

But if these people learn that what happened to them wasn't normal and wasn't OK, perhaps it spurs them on to ensure that the don't inflict the same suffering on their own children.

davet82

Chuck Stone wrote: »

If anything you'd think that the opposite would be true. You often hear of people who suffered because of parental alcoholism as kids avoiding alcohol. People who were neglected/abused as kids becoming over-protective of their own.

i've noticed you either become the exact same or the exact opposite when it comes to dysfunctional parents, rarely inbetween

PrincessLola

As someone familiar with this sort of thing I get annoyed when people say things like "just tell a relative or family friend" as if it were that simple. :rolleyes:
many times family members and friends will try to protect the abuser and will manipulate the victim to make them feel like this was heir fault for even bringing it up.

Varied

a5y wrote: »

Anyone else feel like hearing what the mother went through before demonising her?

Maybe getting all the facts first? Hmm? Anyone?

No? OK then.

Who the **** cares?!! Shes a grown woman and well able to get the hell out of there.

steddyeddy

seamus wrote: »

Some do, some don't.

I think to a certain extent a lot of it is down to a hush-hush attitude about these things. So if a child is being beaten by a parent, but none of the adults in their life seem to be making a big deal of it and through their teenage years nobody is telling them that it's the wrong thing to do, then perhaps they're less averse to expressing themselves in the same way when they're older.

But if these people learn that what happened to them wasn't normal and wasn't OK, perhaps it spurs them on to ensure that the don't inflict the same suffering on their own children.

The vast majority of abuse vicitms know its wrong and dont go on to abuse. Some however do and what you said is right. Those who dont see anythign wrong with what was done to them are more likely to repeat the cycle.

steddyeddy

PrincessLola wrote: »

As someone familiar with this sort of thing I get annoyed when people say things like "just tell a relative or family friend" as if it were that simple. :rolleyes:
many times family members and friends will try to protect the abuser and will manipulate the victim to make them feel like this was heir fault for even bringing it up.

I would say nearly most of the time the relatives will either be in denial or will protect the abuser.

previous user

Lollipops23 wrote: »

That poor woman got the raw end of the parenting deal twice- a sick paedo father and an evil monster of a mother.

Her mother should be sentenced as an accomplice, to have your child do something like that and do nothing at all except torture her a bit more is disgusting.

Totally agree double standards IMO.

Lyaiera

a5y wrote: »

Anyone else feel like hearing what the mother went through before demonising her?

Maybe getting all the facts first? Hmm? Anyone?

No? OK then.

Anyone else feel like hearing what the father went through?

I don't mean we have to hear it before demonising him, demonise him away. He's an evil cnut, as is she. But what I want to know is why is society producing people like this?

I don't think people are downright bad. I don't think people are at there base level evil. I don't even think people are selfish. I think that when we get right down to it almost anyone on boards would be incredibly happy if they could see their family happy. They'd be ecstatic if they could see their family and friends happy. They'd be in nirvana if they could see their family, friends and the rest of the country happy. They'd die on the spot of exultations if their family, friends, the country and the rest of the world was happy.

People have had ****ed up lives. I don't know the point where seeing happiness in others turned to exploiting others. I think it's been happening for a lot longer than any historian, archaeologist or evolutionist can ever figure out. I think we need to start making each other happy and not dwelling on demonising anyone.

I may be two beers and a bottle of wine drunk but this is a happy story, extremely relevant to the story of this thread. Bikers: big scary, tattoo'ed, bearded, pierced bikers are riding out around the world and helping child victims of abuse and protecting them. They're not beating up the child's tormentors or slaughtering them. They're just letting the children know that these big scary, tattoo'ed, bearded, pierced bikers are going to stick around and be the family, friends, protection and hope those children never had.

http://www.azcentral.com/news/azliving/articles/2012/07/13/20120713bikers-against-child-abuse-make-abuse-victims-feel-safe.html?page=1

This is an amazing story. There was one point in it the room got dusty and my hayfever acted up. I wish that those people were around for the women in OP when she was a child. And I wish that for those evil, horrific parents there was someone who could have been such an inspiration for them.

steddyeddy

Lyaiera wrote: »

Anyone else feel like hearing what the father went through?

I don't mean we have to hear it before demonising him, demonise him away. He's an evil cnut, as is she. But what I want to know is why is society producing people like this?

I don't think people are downright bad. I don't think people are at there base level evil. I don't even think people are selfish. I think that when we get right down to it almost anyone on boards would be incredibly happy if they could see their family happy. They'd be ecstatic if they could see their family and friends happy. They'd be in nirvana if they could see their family, friends and the rest of the country happy. They'd die on the spot of exultations if their family, friends, the country and the rest of the world was happy.

People have had ****ed up lives. I don't know the point where seeing happiness in others turned to exploiting others. I think it's been happening for a lot longer than any historian, archaeologist or evolutionist can ever figure out. I think we need to start making each other happy and not dwelling on demonising anyone.

I may be two beers and a bottle of wine drunk but this is a happy story, extremely relevant to the story of this thread. Bikers: big scary, tattoo'ed, bearded, pierced bikers are riding out around the world and helping child victims of abuse and protecting them. They're not beating up the child's tormentors or slaughtering them. They're just letting the children know that these big scary, tattoo'ed, bearded, pierced bikers are going to stick around and be the family, friends, protection and hope those children never had.

http://www.azcentral.com/news/azliving/articles/2012/07/13/20120713bikers-against-child-abuse-make-abuse-victims-feel-safe.html?page=1

This is an amazing story. There was one point in it the room got dusty and my hayfever acted up. I wish that those people were around for the women in OP when she was a child. And I wish that for those evil, horrific parents there was someone who could have been such an inspiration for them.

Well I agree with a fair bit of what you said tbh. I think that abusers are traumatised people out of touch with reality a lot of the time.

Sauve

steddyeddy wrote: »

Well I agree with a fair bit of what you said tbh. I think that abusers are traumatised people out of touch with reality a lot of the time.

Everybody has their issues and demons.
Doesn't make it ok to take it out on another human. Not by a longshot.

steddyeddy

Sauve wrote: »

Everybody has their issues and demons.
Doesn't make it ok to take it out on another human. Not by a longshot.

I know Im not justifying it in the slightest.