wedding snub:(

LegacyUser

Having an issue with 2 “friends” that Is seriously upsetting me. I am getting married at the start of October and my hen and my fiancés stag are both on the same night(not having them together)which is in 2 weeks time. The 2 Friends aren’t going to either and we think its over a non existent snub that they seem to have made up in their heads.

The 2 friends are my friend and her husband (who is my hubbys friend) We are pretty close, he was best man at their wedding and I was a bridesmaid. We did ask them to be best man and bridesmaid for our wedding and they said no because they hate people looking at them, they both have nervous ticks, they were on tablets just to stand at the aisle the day of their wedding. So we accepted that, and I asked someone else to be in wedding party instead.

Then 3 months ago they both come back and say they have changed their minds, By that stage my wedding party was sorted-dresses gotten, wedding was registered. So I said no sorry that it was sorted already and I wasn’t unasking people. Then she said “Cant you add us to the wedding party”. Now ive 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen already and that’s enough so I told her that. I apoligised (don’t see why I had to tbh) and told her I wasn’t going off adding more people to wedding party that it was extra money on us.

They accepted it and that was that.. or so i thought

Then last night I got a text that informed me that they wouldn’t be coming to either the hen night, the stag night or the wedding. The reason was “We cant afford it”. No explination that was it. She ignored my follow on messages

Today I pop on facebook and I see “Going to America in 2 weeks time for a nice long holiday- staying in THE PLAZA!!!! OMG- I cant wait”!!

Cant afford it my backside!!!

They never mentioned anything about any holiday to either of us, before they changed their minds they had booked off stag and hen weekends off work, and took whole weekend off for wedding.They had rsvp yes and had booked thir hotel room.

I cant help feel this is all because they wernt put back into the bridal party. Im very upset here they have been our friends for years and they do this to us.

Whispered

There will always be something when planning a wedding. Always.

I know it's easier said than done but if I were you I'd post under it "Can't wait to see the pics, have a great time xx". Let them see it's not bothering you.

You've done nothing wrong at all, so let them go and have a nice holiday and you go enjoy your wedding. Forget about it.

pickarooney

Maybe they can't afford to go to your wedding because they spent all their disposable income on a trip to America. Which they're perfectly entitled to do.

LegacyUser

pickarooney wrote: »

Maybe they can't afford to go to your wedding because they spent all their disposable income on a trip to America. Which they're perfectly entitled to do.

Yes they are entitled to , but as i have already said there was no holiday even thought of until i told them they couldnt go back on their refusal to be in the bridal party

That and the fact they had rsvp yes and booked their hotel for wedding.

These two people are very close friends and im vey hurt by this

Lorna123

fsmwvu wrote: »

Yes they are entitled to , but as i have already said there was no holiday even thought of until i told them they couldnt go back on their refusal to be in the bridal party

That and the fact they had rsvp yes and booked their hotel for wedding.

These two people are very close friends and im vey hurt by this

Just write to them and say how disappointed you feel that they will not be at your wedding and especially as they had agreed to go and then changed their minds. Ask them why they changed their minds and see what they say. Surely they realize that they cannot say one thing and then do another without an explanation. If they don't offer any explanation then there is nothing more you can do, except forget about them. This kind of thing happens all the time with people. There is no accounting for how other people see things.

Oryx

Can you live without them coming to your wedding? If the answer is yes, then you could work away and continue planning your day without them. If no, then you must meet up with these people and talk about your feelings on all this and see what they say, to clear the air.

It does sound like they were offended by your refusal to squeeze them back into the wedding, but they have no right to be. They said no initially. The holiday they are taking is immaterial to whats going on between you and you really need to keep it out of your thoughts on all of this.

You have two ways of tackling this long term. Ignore it, be nice and pleasant, and continue on. Or as I've said, have a chat about it. I would imagine though, that if you want to continue as close friends, a chat is necessary or this will remain as a cloud over your friendship.

My personal thoughts on it, are that no grown adult should sulk over something like this, neither you, nor them. I hope if you talk to them, that they are big enough to be honest about how they feel so that you can all deal with it and move on.

Starokan

have a chat to one or both in person. tell them you would like them to be there on your big day as you were on theirs.

Just ask them straight out are they upset about not being re added to the bridal party. It looks like that's what it is and if you can get them to admit it then you can resolve it. If they stick to story about money then ask them to just come to church part and tell them not to be worried about gifts etc.

Its pretty obvious that its all about the bridal party given they asked about being added to it, but in fairness who in their right mind would expect you to add on more people or drop someone else. Its very very silly behaviour from them and the ignoring of your messages is also very childish.

As they are close friends i would try to solve it but if they persist being this idiotic then you will have to accept they are not as good friends as you thought and move on. Its actually really hard falling out with close friends so I hope you can resolve it. Either way good luck with your wedding

Ellsbells

It is childish and petulent but they are giving you three months notice that they wont be able to go. God the invites went out early....

I dont like the big Irish wedding at all and would do anything to avoid same as they are expensive and all seem to morph into one. In fairness the cost of the hen & stag and wedding will probably not be far off getting to the US... It seems after their holiday they wont be able to afford to go to the wedding (obviously as there is the cost of a hotel to factor in) but they should have called to explain. You never know whats going on in someone elses house so just wish them well and move on.

tinkerbell

Ellsbells wrote: »

In fairness the cost of the hen & stag and wedding will probably not be far off getting to the US...

Hardly - a night at the Plaza costs a minimum of $500 a night.

OP, I do think that your friends are being pig-headed here - they are pissed off that you didn't add them back into the wedding party after they changed my mind. Damn right you shouldn't have added them back in - they pulled out, what do they expect you to do? Wait around on the off-chance that you might want them for the bridal party again? You did the right thing and tbh, stuff them, I wouldn't bother myself running after them anymore.

CommanderC

fsmwvu wrote: »

Having an issue with 2 “friends” that Is seriously upsetting me. I am getting married at the start of October and my hen and my fiancés stag are both on the same night(not having them together)which is in 2 weeks time. The 2 Friends aren’t going to either and we think its over a non existent snub that they seem to have made up in their heads.

The 2 friends are my friend and her husband (who is my hubbys friend) We are pretty close, he was best man at their wedding and I was a bridesmaid. We did ask them to be best man and bridesmaid for our wedding and they said no because they hate people looking at them, they both have nervous ticks, they were on tablets just to stand at the aisle the day of their wedding. So we accepted that, and I asked someone else to be in wedding party instead.

Then 3 months ago they both come back and say they have changed their minds, By that stage my wedding party was sorted-dresses gotten, wedding was registered. So I said no sorry that it was sorted already and I wasn’t unasking people. Then she said “Cant you add us to the wedding party”. Now ive 3 bridesmaids and 3 groomsmen already and that’s enough so I told her that. I apoligised (don’t see why I had to tbh) and told her I wasn’t going off adding more people to wedding party that it was extra money on us.

They accepted it and that was that.. or so i thought

Then last night I got a text that informed me that they wouldn’t be coming to either the hen night, the stag night or the wedding. The reason was “We cant afford it”. No explination that was it. She ignored my follow on messages

Today I pop on facebook and I see “Going to America in 2 weeks time for a nice long holiday- staying in THE PLAZA!!!! OMG- I cant wait”!!

Cant afford it my backside!!!

They never mentioned anything about any holiday to either of us, before they changed their minds they had booked off stag and hen weekends off work, and took whole weekend off for wedding.They had rsvp yes and had booked thir hotel room.

I cant help feel this is all because they wernt put back into the bridal party. Im very upset here they have been our friends for years and they do this to us.

To be honest. This couple sounds like more trouble than they are worth.

They said no (perfectly understandable considering the circumstances you explained) .But imagine saying no and then coming back to you later and saying 'we've changed our mind'.

This is a wedding- surely,as they are married themselves, they must understand how much planning goes into a wedding.

I have a very low tolerance for people 'fannying about' and that alone would piss me right off (never mind this business with the hen/stag and the holiday in America.

Let them go off on holiday and enjoy themselves into the bargain......at least they will be out of your hair completely for a few weeks then.

Ellsbells

tinkerbell wrote: »

Hardly - a night at the Plaza costs a minimum of $500 a night.

I said getting to aka flying there.

Merkin

fsmwvu wrote: »

I cant help feel this is all because they wernt put back into the bridal party. Im very upset here they have been our friends for years and they do this to us.

How utterly bizarre and juvenile :rolleyes: Seriously, weddings bring out the worst in people and this pair take the biscuit. I wouldn't mind the hen and stag weekends so much, I think asking people to attend them is totally discretionary but if they are good friends then they should definitely be at your wedding. They are obviously mightily peed off and if they are snubbing you on the basis you suspect then I would find that very hurtful but I'd also be furious at their childish carry on. I'd let them go off on their hols and then decide whether or not you feel the friendship is worth saving or not. I wouldn't rise to the bait and demand an explanation as actions speak louder than words on this occassion, it's up to them to take the next steps really.